Today, I realised my boyfriend is only nice to my son to make me happy. Turns out he hates children and will only do the minimum interaction with my 4-year-old son he can get away with, until he can fabricate an excuse to leave the room. FML
Today I got my senior pictures back from the photographer. When my boyfriend saw them, he said I look creepy. Not pretty, not beautiful, not even decent. Creepy. FML
Today, all of my friends are complaining about weight gain due to the pandemic. Instead, I have remained the exact same size, but completely unable to sleep or digest my food. FML
Today, it's been a week since I hired a 17 year-old guy to work at my store. Three of his friends decided to come in today and "prank" him by all three taking a shit in one toilet and clog it. The toilet overflowed. FML
Today, I posted a picture to Snapchat about being depressed. My close friend, who I share most things with, made fun of my post. That's the last time I share anything with her. FML
Today, I’m a single parent and lately I’ve been working out to get healthier. During a session, I injured my back pretty badly. Now I need help getting out of bed, etc. I just wanted to make sure they wouldn’t ever need to take care of me. FML
Today, despite not eating for a week, my digestive system is still overflowing with gas and I fart every 2 minutes. No medicines help, and the six doctors I’ve been to have not been able to find anything wrong with me. FML
Today, my ex-girlfriend got some new piercings and decided to show me. They are the exact same piercings that the girl I'm currently seeing has. I'm starting to think she's still keeping tabs on me. FML
Today, after I helped get my boyfriend get a new job, he thanked me by dumping me for some whore who works there. FML
Today, I texted my sister to ask her if she was OK after finding out that one of her oldest friends had died. She didn’t know. FML
Today, I wanted to clean my house. Of course the vacuum cleaner got stuck behind furniture multiple times. After the fifth time or so, I gave it a good pull. Now my vacuum cleaner is broken and the socket is off the wall. FML
Today, I went to see my girlfriend to talk about my anxiety, because it's been a big issue. She broke up with me instead. FML
Today, my car broke down. Yesterday, my husband mentioned he found my dream car for sale, but I'd insisted my car had a lot of miles left and we should save money. They sold my dream car this morning. Now I'm carless. FML
Today, I was sick and had a migraine. Being sick turns me into a big baby, and I told my boyfriend I didn't want to be alone. Two hours into my shift, he texted me saying he "needs to let off some steam because he hadn't in a long time." Guess who ended up staying home alone until his drunk ass needed to be taken care of. FML
Today, I spent an hour listening to my mother-in-law go over the details of how happy my husband was at his wedding, while she went through the photo album and stared at the pictures. The wedding with his first wife. I spend several days each month with her taking care of her, and she does this kind of thing every time. FML
Today, I found out that I chose a wrong class and my 30-page paper worth 10 credit points that I wrote for that class is basically worthless now, and my graduation might be postponed another semester just because of that. FML
Today, I found out that the person I'm seeing is a terrible kisser. I really like them, but it's awful. FML
Today, I was working at my desk when a colleague came over to my desk and said, “You loiter in gay bars”. I started having a panic attack because I thought he'd found out and would out me to my wife. Only when he began cracking up laughing did I realise it was a "joke." FML
Today, I got my projects printed and spiral bound, only to get a text from my teacher 30 minutes later that everything must be in black and white. I paid extra money to have them in colour. When I asked her if colour was okay, she said, "I never asked for colour and I want it in black and white for everyone." FML
Today, I went down a four-hour YouTube rabbit hole trying to understand the Onision drama. I finally snapped out if it, thinking, "I don't care about any of this. What am I doing with my life?" FML
Today, after almost a year of no steady work, I struggled to get anything done once my 7-months pregnant girlfriend woke up at noon. She wanted to talk the whole time, and eventually broke down crying because of her relationship with her mother. I spent the the day consoling her. No wonder I can't get any work. FML
Today, on the third of February, my mom finally relented and let us take the Christmas decorations down. FML
Today, school finally opened up using a hybrid schedule. Unfortunately, two of my teachers were quarantined and half of the school was on Zoom. I spent two hours in the library doing nothing with a mask on. Everyone else was on Zoom in bed. FML
Today, after they said being a dad is fun, after saying that you got to do things when you were a kid… Well now, I'm at the lost and found of the city, asking, "Have you seen my kid?" FML
Today, I confronted my boyfriend that I found his “hidden” Tinder profile and his horny messages between him and other girls. His response? “Babe, that was a month ago.” FML
Today, due to the pandemic and living alone, I finally had some physical human contact for the first time in six months for my dental checkup. Which was also the last contact I had almost a year ago. FML
Today, it was my birthday. My partner of 9 years, and father of my two children, bought me a set of headphones for him to use on the treadmill. Didn’t wrap them, didn’t say happy birthday to me, didn’t tell my kids it was my birthday and worked on the yard all day. FML
Today, my mother offered to give my overweight girlfriend the workout DVDs that she no longer needs. FML
Today, I pulled out an annoying nose hair with a tweezer and it made me cry. Not particularly painful but it triggered the tear duct. Had to pretend it was from yawning when someone asked why the teary eye. FML
Today, my boyfriend was tidying up around the room. I asked him if he'd like me to help, to which he responded, "No, I don't need any help," then added, "Wish you weren't so lazy." FML
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