Today, I was put on notice at work due to my "anger problem." Apparently, sighing in a meeting means you'll be labeled as someone with a short temper. However, the creepy stalker guy is on the fast track to management. FML
Today, I gave a presentation. My teacher deducted points because I "need to learn how to speak more confidently, because you often stumble over your words." I have a stutter. FML
Today, I was yet again rejected by the man of my dreams. He’d rather date these girls with no college degree, no career, can’t cook/clean, etc., just because they have a pretty face and a nice body, instead of me who has a respectable future, career, and education. What is wrong with society nowadays? FML
Today, it's raining. I got up at 4:30 to be ready to start tiling a patio floor, which will take three days. The difficult customer wants it done in three days. How do I tile outside in the pouring rain? FML
Today, not only did my boyfriend set my hair on fire, but he attempted to put it out by dumping bong water on my head. FML
Today, I'm doing homework but still can't submit it, mainly due to the homework being bombarded more than three times during the week, from eight subjects, all due in three days. I sleep barely two hours a day, still not finishing the work and getting shitty exam marks. I wonder when this cycle of work will end… FML
Today, needing some new music, I logged on to YouTube and clicked "Like" on a few different tracks I enjoy, hoping to spark some good suggestions from the algorithm. My “Personal Mix” now consists of boring, generic techno remixes, with videos showing 100% half-naked women and fast cars. FML
Today, as I was about to walk across the street, a girl in front of me who clearly wasn't paying attention to the traffic, almost got run over. I grabbed her arm and jumped back. She was fine. I fell and fractured my arm and wrist. FML
Today, I told my husband we should try go vegan for a while to see if there were any health benefits. He threw me over his shoulder and put me outside, because, “crazy plant ladies live outside with the other vegetables.” FML
Today, I still get irrationally angry and distracted when my teacher refers to bodily functions as “poop, pee, number 1 & 2, etc.” and calls things icky. I’m literally in nursing school with an instructor who talks like Elmo. FML
Today, my boyfriend of 2 years told me he had feelings for someone else. He also told me he wanted to continue dating me until things progressed further with the other woman. FML
Today, I was concerned I hadn’t restarted my periods yet after the birth of our first child. Turns out it’s because I’m pregnant again already. We must have gotten pregnant off the very first egg I released after giving birth. Our first baby is only 3 months old. FML
Today, I had a Tesla nearly run me off the road. Then after I parked, I crossed the street at a crosswalk. A car stopped for me, rolled his window down, then yelled at me for wearing a black raincoat. Mean people make me want to be mean to everyone. FML
Today, while waiting for my mom to pick me up from university, I took out my phone and pretended to talk to someone. I didn't think people still pointed and laughed, but apparently they do when your mom pulls up and shouts, "Stop pretending to talk to someone." FML
Today, our road into town has been closed for construction for more than 2 years. Taking the shortest way around, which is twice as long, I discovered that it was now closed as well. This is not the first time they've done this. FML
Today, I feel underappreciated and unloved by my husband. I've tried to bring it up and show him my appreciation, but he responds with, "Well you haven't shown me appreciation or respect once in our relationship. If you feel that way that's on you." What do I do other than divorce? FML
Today, I was going to ask my coworker to cover for me for a few hours so I could go somewhere where they would pay me for my opinion. I had rescheduled this. Before I could ask, my coworker messaged asked if she could take the exact same time and date off to take her son to a school event. She beat me to it, again. FML
Today, my mother stopped speaking to me because I won’t let her babysit anymore. Her idea of babysitting is to sit my daughter alone with a tablet and a pile of sugary junk food for 7 hours straight. FML
Today, I had my 28-week ultrasound. Baby is doing well, but has clearly inherited his/her father's growth genetics and currently measures at the 96th percentile. I'm a tiny woman (pre-pregnancy 105lbs). I'm screwed for the delivery. FML
Today, my fiancé and I got a joint account recently, but when I got home he was on the phone to the bank claiming our credit card number was cloned, because of the ridiculous number of random purchases. I checked my online banking. It was all just my normal buying habits. FML
Today, I woke up from the most satisfying dream I've ever experienced. Sex related? Nah. I just needed two hands to pull a massive booger from my left nostril. FML
Today, I got way too used to using two oven mitts at once to take food out of the oven since I'm so clumsy. So, when I tried to take food out of the oven with the only one oven mitt I could find… Well, take a wild guess what happened. Go on, just try and guess it. FML
Today, I was visited by a high school friend who lives in another state. She was furious because I got married a few months ago, and she kinda had feelings for me. I had to ask her to leave. Here's the funny thing: she's been married for 4 years and they have a son, and she didn't even invite me to her wedding back then. FML
Today, I signed into the Netflix account that I pay for, only to see that my ex had added a new profile for his new girlfriend. We’ve only been separated for two weeks. FML
Today, I realized that I might be falling for a girl. She's fucking beautiful. She can't love me, I'm not good enough for her, and she's in love with someone else. Besides, I have a girlfriend but it never seems like we're close and I don't even know if I had a crush on her before, but I still love her as a friend and can't break her heart. FML
Today, I realized that the reason why my classmates from second grade may have thought of me so poorly was that I stupidly told all of them that I was a bedwetter and needed to wear pull-ups during the night. I feel like a fool now. FML
Today, my son is so rabid for Halloween this year that he decided to dress up early and do his own Incredible Hulk makeup. He used a green permanent marker he stole from school. It’s all over him from head to foot, and my carpet, sofa, bathtub, and even the cat. FML
Today, after we recently married, my husband wanted kids and I didn’t, so we agreed we’d have at least 5 years child free, then have one child and one only. I just tested pregnant. Despite all our precautions, I actually got pregnant on our honeymoon. FML
Today, I was at my boyfriend's house waiting to surprise him when he got home from work. I was laying in his bed when he called to tell me we were over. I couldn't leave before he got home. FML
Today, I realized some of my English students have just been going to their Philosophy professor to help them complete their essays. FML
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