Today, I realized that I have a rack and butt most girls would be jealous of. That wouldn't be bad if I wasn't a dude. FML
Python22 tells us more.
Python22 12
OP here, for update 1 of a few. Basically, like #52 said, I believe that is the case. It's not so bad I can't go out in public (and for fat people they aren't big at all), but if they were on a average chicks body, they would be massive. As for my trunk, yeah.... I'm 5'-10, so it evens out.
Today, I used a restroom. While doing my thing, the power in my building completely went out. There was another person in the restroom making demonic noises and scratching at my stall. When the power came back on, he was gone. I think I'm being haunted. FML
Today, I took my driver's test. The woman administering it wouldn't even look at me, so trying to be friendly I said the first thing I could think of, "It must be scary getting in the car with someone you don't know!" She failed me for "excessive chatting." FML
Today, I put scribbles, lines, shapes and random words on my calendar just to make it seem like I was busy. This isn't the first time. FML
Today, I went to my first class of the year. The first thing the teacher said was, "I hate this f*cking school." FML
Today, my car window got smashed, because someone somehow confused the doll my daughter always leaves strapped into a carseat for an actual kid. It's a cabbage patch kid. FML
Today, my entire gym class had to run the 1600 with our coach calling out finishing times. My finishing time was reported as "3 days short of a year." FML
Today, I couldn't sleep due to an awful head cold, so I stayed home from work. Apparently, the local high school marching band practices in the park across the street at 9am. They're doing the Imperial March music from Star Wars. They suck. FML
Today, I collected my new timetable at college only to find I've been dropped from all my classes. I've been listed as deceased. I'm definitely not dead and have no idea how I supposedly died. FML
Today, I took my laptop to I.T. to fix my internet. Only after I left did I realise my memory technique for remembering the stages of mitosis (Iraqi penis man anally transmits chlamydia) was left as a sticky note on my desktop. The guy definitely noticed. FML
Today, I started my new internship at a vet clinic. By the end of the day I had: been peed on, scratched, forced to stuff a dead dog into a plastic bag, thrown up and almost passed out. I need to rethink my future career. FML
VetStudent tells us more.
Ha! I can't believe this actually got posted!! I had just gotten home from my internship and wanted to vent anonymously. How funny. It is overwhelming, but I'm going to stick it out. I've learned my lesson: do not go in sick or with a full stomach.
Today, I got my wedding photos back from my sister, a "professional" photographer who offered to do our wedding as a gift. It turns out that not only did she not catch most of the ceremony or reception, but all of the outdoor photos feature a large garbage bag in the background. FML
Dreamcatcher1229 tells us more.
That's fair. The back story is that I said yes to her offer because her other work is actually quite good. Her other wedding photos for previous instances looked beautiful, and that's how I assumed mine would turn out. I take responsibility, my husband and I shouldn't have assumed anything. I found out after the wedding that she doesn't like him much to begin with, soooooo I guess putting two and two together I can reasonably say that her distaste has something to do with the shotty and neglectful work. To answer a previous question here, forgive me for not answering the asker directly, the shots we ened up with for the ceremony itself were one of the first kiss, one of our intro as a married couple, and several blurred shots of mostly the audience with a hint of ceremony at the background. She did get my brother walking me down, but not of the beidesmaids and groomsmen. And mind you, she and I DID discuss in advance what events and who in the party we wanted pictured, as well as my request to catch as much of the reception as possible. We had a lot of friends and family travel from far away, and I had asked for more pictures of everyone together, mingling, and enjoying themselves. And thank you to whomever suggested we retouch some of the pictures, we've actually been working on that project and it's going well so far. So all in all I'd like to say that while I was disappointed in the outcome and the sad realization that my sister and I don't have the best of relationships, My husband and I are happy regardless and, thanks to other guests, still ended up with some good pictures. Also, a friend filmed the ceremony itself from beginning to end, so we're going to try to get some stills from that. This is a good lesson in perspective, I guess. Yeah, the situation ended in an FML for one particular detail, albeit an important one, but hey, at least my husband didn't bail out at the altar, or I didn't throw up or something. :-P Okay, sorry for that novel. lol Carry on!
Today, I had to bail my brother out of jail after he punched a convenience store clerk in the face for running out of Cheetos. FML
ven980 tells us more.
ven980 10
Hey OP here. I just wanted to add a little detail to this story. My brother had just come from a bachelor party and was very drunk so he called me for a ride. He punched the clerk because he was rude to us and yes I did leave him there overnight
Today, I spent a large portion of the afternoon playing hide and seek with the door-to-door salesman who saw me sneak in the back door and won't stop knocking. No amount of hiding behind the couch will make him go away. FML
Today, I ended up taking a massive dump after being constipated for a while. I thought I was alone, so I pretended I was giving birth to my turd, and let out all kinds of sound effects. Next thing I know, I hear a knock at the door and my mom asking, "Should I call 911?" FML
Today, my new creative writing teacher informed the class that we should consult him before writing anything "dark or disturbing." I only took the class because my therapist recommended that I join the class so I could freely express my darker thoughts without her help or a fear of being judged. FML
Today, I had to visit a client because his printer had broken down. After driving for an hour, then being screamed at about how horrible my company's service is, I walked over to his printer and found the problem: there was no paper loaded. FML
Today, I had to calm my hallucinating mom after she accidentally overdosed on one of her pills, then spend ages trying to protect her from the "monkey" on the wall. FML
Today, my boyfriend got offered a job at Abercrombie. The first thing he asked was "they only hire hot people, right?!" Now he won't stop telling me how lucky I am to be with such a hot guy. FML
Misaki18 tells us more.
Today, I was at the doctor's getting a check up. He asked me if I was allergic to anything, to which I blurted out, "Cats." He gave me a weird look and said, "Don't worry, I won't give you cats." FML
Today, my dad told me I was folding my laundry all wrong. I said with a smirk, "A little clothes-minded, are we?" He slapped me. Hard. FML
Today, I realized how nice it was that, after moving into my ground-floor apartment, I no longer have to worry about being too loud walking on the floor at night. Today, I found out that my upstairs neighbors do not have any qualms about shouting or stomping their feet loudly at night, either. FML
Today, on my lunch break, I ran to the gas station, and threw some trash away on my way in. On my way out, I realized my keys were missing. Thinking I threw them away, and fearing that I'd be late returning to work, I tore through the disgusting trash only to find my keys on the seat of my car. FML
Today, my company is doing so bad that I had to take down my symbolic first dollar so that I could buy a roll of crackers for dinner. FML
Today, I was telling my brother about how my new colleagues and I don't share a sense of humour. He replied, "What, you mean they don't pretend to laugh at your jokes like everybody else?" FML
Today, I showed up at my brother's house for a visit. Little did I know, there was a family gathering. My best friend was invited and I wasn't. She's "more fun and less awkward" than I am. FML
Today, I read a seemingly serious article online about giving your smartphone some extra charge by putting it in the microwave for one minute. My phone is now fried. FML
Today, I'm trapped in my apartment. My new cat won't let me leave. Every time I try, he blocks the door, hisses and tries to savage me. I'm my own cat's bitch. FML
Today, I was feeling abnormally self-confident, so I decided to skip putting on any makeup. The first thing my 7-year-old cousin said when she saw me was, "You look like my pet rat!" FML
Today, I received an email from my professor asking me not to jump ahead on assignments as it makes the other students look bad. FML
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