Nearly FMLs

By Ollie - 26/08/2018 01:19

Today, I asked the Walmart door greeter where the nearest payphone was and he kept telling me they were sold in the electronics section. I was telling him "the ones you put the coin in, not a pay as you go" but he just kept telling me they were sold in the electronics section. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66

You deserved it 20

By sallymae - 26/08/2018 00:59

Today, after being out of work for several months, I called my grandmother and asked her to help me make my late car payments - she said she would send me a check. Two weeks later - no check. I asked her if she mailed it and she said "No! I don't want the damn mailman knowing my business!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 65

You deserved it 22

By Fired Lead - 25/08/2018 23:30

Today, after I got fired without cause and started an investigation, they called to tell me that they were bringing me back and I could keep my tenure. It would "be like I was never fired" but they're not going to pay me for the 6 weeks I couldn't work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 743

You deserved it 144

By I can't stand leg puns - 25/08/2018 22:25 - United Kingdom - Feltham

Today, I went to KFC and ordered a meal with a Pepsi. I got the meal, but the drink was a Fanta. I politely pointed this out, so they made me another drink, however, refused to give it to me until I paid for it in full, even though it was their mistake in the first place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 78

You deserved it 8

By Anonymous - 25/08/2018 11:15 - United States - Saint Joseph

Today, I had to explain to my husband that I was tired and moody because I'd had a major depressive episode last night, was still feeling the aftershocks, and I hadn't wanted to bother him with it. His response was to try to get me to blow him, because it would make him feel better about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 96

You deserved it 7

By Anonymous - 25/08/2018 12:32

Today, I was arrested for taking my daughter to the park. She is half Mexican, and the police absolutely refused to believe that I was anything but a pedophile. Child services still have her and my wife is on vacation for another two weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 139

You deserved it 8

By AnotherLilyBart - 24/08/2018 21:09

Today, even though the police have cleared out the multiple meth labs, the abandoned hotel across from my work has new residents! A 20-person van full of sketchy-looking folks. With a canoe. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 54

You deserved it 5

By starfox - 24/08/2018 20:30

Today, I met an attractive girl at a party. I tried to introduce myself and shake her hand, but she pulled away. The first words out of her mouth were "Touch me and I'll file a restraining order for you." She was friendly with all the other guests. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 738

You deserved it 271

By Anonymous - 24/08/2018 18:43

Today, I attended a funeral for my cousin's daughter. she died at 13 years. I heard a conversation, one woman saying "such a shame she had to go so young" a few seconds later my phone went off max volume. my ringtone is "die young" everyone stared at me with frowns. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35

You deserved it 99

By Sickly - 24/08/2018 18:42

Today my doctor told me I'm perfectly healthy despite three months of vomiting several times a day I literally can't be out of arm's reach of a vomit cup because this is no warning when I will puke next I'm not pregnant and all my tests have come back normal.. FML

I agree, your life sucks 78

You deserved it 2

By Anonymous - 24/08/2018 14:15

Today... While working my job as an armed security officer, I helped a guy pick up stuff he dropped. He said “Hey, thanks man! Have a good day bro.” I’m a 5’4” blonde girl with size 36D breasts wearing a form fitting shirt... FML

I agree, your life sucks 60

You deserved it 17

By ~Gon Fishing-~ - 24/08/2018 14:00

Today, I had an OBGYN appointment to check and make sure I wasn’t dilated. I had to put my legs up and what not. She pushed so hard on me that I let out a huge fart in her face. I never wanted to go back.. two weeks later I saw her again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61

You deserved it 8

By ugh - 24/08/2018 11:18

Today I hit both of my pinky toes on my table and chair's edges. At the same time. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 54

You deserved it 7

By Johnson - 24/08/2018 06:51

Today I pranked a friend with a coded text message that said "your mom gay". Their parents filed a police report on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28

You deserved it 74

By theforgottensibling - 23/08/2018 18:40 - United States - New Port Richey

Today, I got a birthday card from my father. Too bad it was on my deceased sister's birthday. They say to appreciate the sentiment, right? FML

I agree, your life sucks 66

You deserved it 2

By Stressed out mom - 24/08/2018 00:29

Today I got 2 out of 4 of my kids into the doctor to have a "mystery rash" checked out. It turned out to be hand, foot, and mouth, which is VERY CONTAGIOUS. I now have to go home and explain to my 3 year old twins, they can't have it their birthday party this weekend because of boo boos. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69

You deserved it 5

By Alicabeth - 23/08/2018 22:21 - United Kingdom

Today I tried on some new special underwear to help me feel sexy again. I started it In front of my husband.... his reply was " looks nice " and then he goes back to washing the dishes. Well self confidence, it was nice seeing you for a little bit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66

You deserved it 7

By TayTay - 23/08/2018 13:45 - United States

Today I started my morning with a cup of coffee and my email. I unexpectedly sneezed and small bits of coffee splashed on my mac trackpad. I wiped it up and forgot about it. 5 seconds later, my computer shorted out and is no longer working. 3rd time, in this job, I've had to have my mac fixed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30

You deserved it 66

By Warmonger_Smurf - 23/08/2018 07:51 - United States - Port Townsend

Today, I was in the old homestead orchard. Digging a resting place for my dog that died last night. I ended up breaking a hydraulic line. So now I have a dead dog, a broken backhoe, and a half dug hole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59

You deserved it 13

By L. O. G. - 22/08/2018 20:38 - United States - Ellensburg

Today I ended my two year dry spell by getting a blowjob in my car. halfway through she stops and says “I’m going to throw up”. The dry spell continues... Also a cop came. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44

You deserved it 16

By Octavia - 22/08/2018 20:12 - United States - La Crosse

Today, me and my boyfriend were having birthday sex for my birthday and it was like round 3 for the morning and in walks my parents with a couple presents. They see me with cum all over and my boyfriend on top of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54

You deserved it 36

By "egcmi" - 23/08/2018 01:58

Today, I found out my boyfriend has been using one of my detergents to wash his genitalia. When I asked him why he'd use that one specifically, he replied "Oh yes, I used it last night as well, what is it?". That was makeup remover and last night we had sex after he washed his penis with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48

You deserved it 6

By Anonymous - 22/08/2018 16:17 - United States - Sylvan Grove

Today my teacher burned a candle she knew I was allergic to. Last year her daughter did it too. I'm currently on the couch, missing practice, looking like a balloon with a head ache because the principal won't do anything to stop it..... FML

I agree, your life sucks 72

You deserved it 4

By Anonymous - 22/08/2018 08:23

Today, my husband decided out of nowhere to start talking to his ex lover, who he lied to me about and basically cheated on me with her when we were dating, then after we got married he continued to talk to her, profess his love for her, and exchange nudes. It's been 3 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67

You deserved it 43

By Anonymous - 22/08/2018 03:25

Today, I went through my wife's phone only to find she was texting her ex that she was cheating on me with 6 months ago and told me she wouldn't message him again. Her only response was she loved him more than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80

You deserved it 13

By ShyGuy - 22/08/2018 03:15

Today, my self-consciousness/shyness reaches an all time low when I went to wash the dishes in the bathroom instead of the communal kitchen, because I was scared people would judge me for the way I washed dishes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61

You deserved it 29

By Jess - 22/08/2018 03:13

Today I found out my dad had sex with so many sugar babies that he can't even count. Guess who's getting a divorce... FML

I agree, your life sucks 67

You deserved it 4

By Anonymous - 22/08/2018 03:13

Today, I was lying on the couch with a friend. She was trying to adjust the blanket I was about to rest her head, pulling quite hard to get it to budge. After a couple tugs she adjusted her grip, accidentally grabbed my nipple instead, and yanked with all her might. It still hurts. It's been hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50

You deserved it 5

By Anonymous - 21/08/2018 20:16

Today... my parents told my future husband and I they couldn't afford to help out for our wedding because they just bought a brand new car and new appliances for their house. We've been engaged since January and set our date in April. They've known about our wedding for 8 months... FML

I agree, your life sucks 62

You deserved it 31

By Anonymous - 21/08/2018 19:13

Today, I got back from staying at my brother's flat. Him and my dad are now pissed off at me because I didn't clean his disgusting bathroom. I'm talking overflowing bin, 80 empty rolls of toilet paper, and after my brother threw up in the sink he's angry I didn't rush to clean it. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 79

You deserved it 4

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The Top

Today, after spending $120 to have a bouquet of flowers delivered to my mom, she called to complain that I had forgotten about her for Mother's day, but also praise my sister for apparently receiving my flowers I sent at the door and passing them off as hers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 708

You deserved it 923

Today, my boyfriend and I saw someone dump a dog in our neighborhood before driving off. We spent an hour trying to get the dog out of the cold, but couldn't catch it. Temperatures go down to the 30s in 3 days. Hopefully we can catch it by then. FML

I agree, your life sucks 814

You deserved it 95

Today, my boyfriend and I broke up because we got into a fight over what color that confusing black and blue and white and gold dress was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 376

You deserved it 26 024

Today, my father threw out my $100 wedge of blue cheese because it "smelled funny". FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 013

You deserved it 2 250

Today, as part of the treatment for my bulimia, my doctor informed me that I will not be allowed to go to the bathroom unsupervised. Meaning there will have to be another person in the bathroom with me at all times. I have a nervous bladder. I couldn't go if I wanted to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 287

You deserved it 13 822

Today, after cleaning my mom’s bathroom, I wiped the molding strip along the wall so it was even. A quite precariously-hung potted plant thought that reason enough to fall right on top of me, spreading dirt over the entire room as well as my hair, my sweater, and the inside of my bra. FML

I agree, your life sucks 861

You deserved it 134