Nearly FMLs

By GTEEE - 01/09/2018 11:35

Today, I ate a leftover burger which made my stomach feel really bad. I went down in the building I live in to throw the garbage. Going back, I was with a kid and his mom. The kid pressed all the buttons on the elevator which didn't have a cancel button. We went to all the floors. I didn't make it! FML

I agree, your life sucks 77

You deserved it 4

By dreamfreexx - 01/09/2018 03:05 - United States - Woonsocket

Today, I accidentally shit myself after being sick for the past few days. I had just cleaned up and put on fresh PJs when I sneezed, peeing myself in the process FML...

I agree, your life sucks 62

You deserved it 5

By Anon - 31/08/2018 19:49 - New Zealand

Today, I finished the wrong assignment. The actual assignment I was meant to do is due by midnight tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50

You deserved it 19

By Anonymous - 31/08/2018 19:56

Today, I found out I'm pregnant despite using both the implant and condoms. I spoke to my fiance, two days ago about having a baby. He's not ready. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 71

You deserved it 19

By "TheZipp33" - 31/08/2018 18:48

Today my girlfriend and I lost our virginity together, the entire time I was so worried about losing my boner half-way through, that it took me out of the moment and I couldn't get it back up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56

You deserved it 20

By pissmouth - 31/08/2018 11:09 - Canada - Lower Sackville

Today, my sister's puppy crawled onto my head while I was sitting on the couch and peed on my head. It dripped into my mouth. I rushed into the shower (with a toothbrush) to get cleaned off and ended up vomiting so much that I clogged the drain. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 67

You deserved it 10

By Really? - 31/08/2018 14:25

Today my mattress is more than 20 years old. Instead of helping me buy a new one, my parents decided to buy a $60,000 car. Their excuse? “Mattresses are expensive, just flip it.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 69

You deserved it 21

By Elizabeth Ann - 30/08/2018 22:01

Today, I took my car into a mechanic the other day to look at a problem with the shifter. Mechanic said it was fine. Today the shifter got stuck in reverse and I couldn’t get the key out of my car. It had to be towed. I’m a full time college student, who works full time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56

You deserved it 3

By QueenF - 30/08/2018 18:25

Today, I was texting with this hot guy from high school, on tinder. Both looking for a FWB situation. I'm really excited because his way out of my league. Later in the back of his car, we are getting hot and heavy, I started sucking him off... something tasted odd. He was bleeding from his dick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75

You deserved it 25

By KMR - 30/08/2018 12:36 - United Kingdom

Today, after a month of being broken up, I was overjoyed when my ex told me he wanted to marry me! He then told me the girl he’d been seeing while we were apart is pregnant with his child... FML

I agree, your life sucks 58

You deserved it 13

By "littl3storm" - 30/08/2018 11:26

Today, I woke up with a painful and blistered bug bite on my left hand. Usually I wouldn't be as bummed, but I've been using my left hand for everything because my right hand and wrist are in a cast. Goodbye independence, fml

I agree, your life sucks 62

You deserved it 3

By OnThe*Edge*OverIt - 30/08/2018 10:40

Today, while in the parking lot at work a girl hit my brand new car. Her car was an old used Edge, and she didn’t have insurance. Her mother refuses to send a picture of it, too. Now I’m on edge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59

You deserved it 4

By Nick - 30/08/2018 00:42

Today, I pooped myself while sneezing at school. It was 1st period. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55

You deserved it 8

By Anonymous - 29/08/2018 22:12

Today, I told my doctor that my feet had been bothering me for a few days. He told me that the blood is settling in my feet because I'm overweight. I spent the next week, starving myself and exercising, but the pain got worse until I couldn't bear it and got a second opinion. It turned out I had cellulitis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70

You deserved it 9

By Pandaman123 - 29/08/2018 15:31 - United States - Beckley

Today I fell asleep with my phone in my hand and woke up to realize I had sent my boss a dick pic. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 29

You deserved it 90

By TinyDickMakesMeSad - 29/08/2018 13:42 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, I waited until marriage to have sex with my husband. Turns out he has a 2 inch purple wine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42

You deserved it 75

By Dros - 29/08/2018 10:15 - United States - Camdenton

Today I found out I have 5 Vacation Days and 2 Sick Days... paid. No one told me and I've been at my job for nearly 2 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46

You deserved it 44

By FMyFamily - 29/08/2018 13:16

Today, my stepmom gave my sister my favorite necklace that I brought with me from my mom's. Because my sister told her that her dead grandma gave it to her, despite the fact that my stepmom was there for her death and I had pictures of myself wearing it years before I moved into their house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 101

You deserved it 5

By SchoolBlues - 29/08/2018 06:22

Today I apparently owe college $800 for tuition when it was previously paid for. Stressed out to come up with it in less than a week, I forgot about a quiz due the same day. Having missed it, I'm not allowed in class until the chapter's over. I might be dropped from class due to absences. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 60

You deserved it 20

By vee - 28/08/2018 10:53

Today, I confessed to my crush that I like him. I wrote a long text saying how I feel towards him and how much I have feelings towards him. He only wrote "Mhm, so what's up?". FML

I agree, your life sucks 64

You deserved it 9

By Anonymous - 28/08/2018 07:37

Today, I decided to be generous and give my man a bj because I was on my period and was very horny (I’ve only given a handful of them in my life). About a minute after he commented on my lack of a gag reflex I threw up all over his penis, stomach and bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68

You deserved it 23

By rmsutton - 27/08/2018 23:30

Today, I learned that my dad and stepmom, who live over 3 hours away, visited a flea market with their friends. That flea market is less than 15 minutes from my house. I've been trying to get them to visit me for a trip there for 2.5 years. I found out from my mom tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 738

You deserved it 160

By shubhqwe - 27/08/2018 23:55 - India - Bangalore

Today, I was sitting with the love of my life in my arms and then she told me that her body is with me, but her soul is with her-so-called ex-boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 92

You deserved it 4

By Packageception - 27/08/2018 11:23 - United States - Janesville

Today, I was supposed to receive my replacement phone. When I opened the package, it contained another package and a piece of paper that read "Please return your defective phone and we will ship you a new unit." I guess I'm going another two weeks without a phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 197

You deserved it 331

ChromoTec tells us more.

ChromoTec 24

Monday 27 August 2018 16:17

Hey, OP here. This was my first FML published, and I was surprised that it made it. Now then, seeing as I'm typing this, yes, I did get my new phone. It took about 3 weeks on the phone with them (all of the calls took about 8 hours combined) but I finally got them to ship me a replacement, after I had my mom yell at them for about half an hour. It was pretty crazy, and I'm just lucky they sent me another of the same model, and not a cheaper, crappier phone. Also, I appreciated all of your comments, they were pretty funny. I'll try not to brick my phone again, but seeing as I did the first time, I'm surprised there weren't very many YDIs. Thanks for all of your support, and I hope you guys don't have to publish a lot of FMLs (like I had to).

By Kronin - 27/08/2018 10:39 - Australia

Today I lost a backup of my excel spreadsheet with 10+ years worth of work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 84

You deserved it 18