Nearly FMLs

By Anonymous - 15/08/2018 19:57

Today I finished a very important project that will be due tomorrow on my computer. Right before I saved the project, the power went out. Now I have to do a week's worth of work in one night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51

You deserved it 55

By Choppednskrewed - 15/08/2018 17:54

Today I found out I am pregnant. I was told I could not have kids 2 years ago. Now I have to explain to my casual boyfriend that doesn't want kids that I'm knocked up.... FML

I agree, your life sucks 73

You deserved it 20

By Scratpot - 15/08/2018 15:54

Today I realized that Amazon auto-filled my address with an old one when I ordered a $400 Oculus Rift the other day. The package was just sent to my old house an hour away and I'm not sure I'll ever see it again. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 53

You deserved it 24

By SatanicSanta - 15/08/2018 12:30

Today, I was so tired at work, that I unconsciously agreed to be part of a new committee. I can't remember what the purpose of the committee is, but I don't think it's going to help my sleep deprivation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49

You deserved it 13

By Davona Bower - 15/08/2018 05:47

Today, my dog has a habit of farting and snoring in her sleep. She fell asleep on top of me and she started to snore, I was fine with that, until she farted so loud that she woke my brother up and my brother was in a different room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59

You deserved it 4

By Evronic - 14/08/2018 23:03

Today, I was on the bus and this elderly man sat next to me. We had a nice chat for the ride, but 2 bad things happened. I found out that one of his grandchildren is my nemesis and the driver almost missed a stop so he had to slam the brakes causing the mans dentures to fall out into my lap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61

You deserved it 4

By PolarBear2020 - 14/08/2018 20:30

Today, a few weeks after Amazon had lost my last order and issued a refund, I ordered the item again. I just received an email saying that they lost the package again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 678

You deserved it 152

By Anonymous - 14/08/2018 18:38

Today, I realized that sex with my boyfriend is better in my dreams than it is in real life. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 67

You deserved it 11

By "hknutson" - 14/08/2018 10:24 - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend that I love him for the first time. To which he said, "Goodnight". FML

I agree, your life sucks 65

You deserved it 8

By unfair - 14/08/2018 16:14

Today, I took a sick day because I was throwing up everywhere. My boss fired me because apparently me being sick somehow isn’t fair to them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77

You deserved it 4

By yosmurf - 14/08/2018 04:29

Today, my 4 year old son had to go potty at a restaurant. As he was washing his hands, another man walked in and started to pee. My son apparently took a look and asked me, “Daddy, why is his dick so long?” I refused to look up or answer his question. FML

I agree, your life sucks 85

You deserved it 7

By lost - 13/08/2018 18:40

Today, I am traveling by car and depending on my navigation system, so I wanted to update the maps. The update failed, my navigation system has now lost all maps and isn't working anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60

You deserved it 17

By Anonymous - 13/08/2018 16:43

Today, at my tanning shop we were moving the beds around to fit the new one in and found a vibrator underneath an old one and my boss picked it up with his bare hands and told me to find the owner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72

You deserved it 6

By Cassie - 13/08/2018 10:05

Today, I had dinner with some of my dad's friends. They all spoke in Chinese thinking I couldn't understand them. They all called me fat and that I eat too much. I'm almost underweight so I have to eat more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 88

You deserved it 2

By Anonymous - 13/08/2018 04:44

Today, I just got back from vacation with my two daughters to find out that my husband of 8 years has had a mistress for almost a year and is five months pregnant. In less than a day my world changed from a wife to a soon to be divorced mom of two. Our girls will now have a half brother/sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 102

You deserved it 7

By Stéphanie Roy_1860765893 - 13/08/2018 00:23

Today I ate my favorite junk chocolate bar. I haven’t had one in years. My body immediately punished me with several bouts of explosive diarrhea. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 60

You deserved it 12

By lexiloves - 12/08/2018 20:12

Today, I arrived home from shopping absolutely peeing my leg off, ran up stairs to the bathroom plonking myself on the toilet only to realise mid flow our window cleaner is enjoying the view from the bedroom window opposite my bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45

You deserved it 6

By cheatcodedude93 - 11/08/2018 23:30

Today, while working overtime I found out the new person working with me got hired full time. I’ve been working as a temp for 4 months now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 78

You deserved it 3

By "tintarroja" - 11/08/2018 20:18

Today, I went to a new Ob-Gyn office to do my annual Pap test, and for the first time a female Nurse Practitioner was going to do the test. So, her first comment was: "You have a happy vagina". FML

I agree, your life sucks 70

You deserved it 7

By "I'veRunOuttaPatience" - 11/08/2018 12:28 - United States - Fort Washington

Today, after last night coming back from a work trip only to clean up diarrhea from my aunt's dogs I'd agreed to watch, I was woken up at 6 am to find the floor even more covered with piss and diarrhea than last night. I had to stuff my nose with earplugs to not vomit, and one is also limping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62

You deserved it 6

By psycholiveslonely - 11/08/2018 16:36

Today my neighbours called the police because they thought a serious domestic argument was taking place. I live alone and have a habit of talking to myself. I was in a bad mood, so apparently I may have gotten a bit louder arguing with myself. God, I was alone a long time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38

You deserved it 30

By Anonymous - 11/08/2018 08:10 - United States - Chatham

Today, I am in bed with back spasms from being in bed for 2 weeks with kidney stones after being fired from my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81

You deserved it 4

By Anonymous - 11/08/2018 15:00

Today, I was let go from my retail job of six years because the manager saw me on video "suspiciously picking up a lottery ticket off the counter". Part of the job is selling and cashing lottery tickets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 609

You deserved it 151

By Anonymous - 11/08/2018 14:42

Today I had my annual gynecologist visit. It was the most action I've had in a while and I'm not even single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72

You deserved it 12

By Anonymous - 11/08/2018 13:59

Today, after two days of constant flirting it was going well, she seemed into it and I could've sworn she said you should be my boyfriend but she actually said you should meet my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74

You deserved it 9

By Baddog - 11/08/2018 05:34

Today, after finishing the paperwork on an apartment my brother and I were looking to move into together I learned something new about the dog he is bringing that I thought was a nice dog. Turns out it is very poorly potty trained, likes to chew on everything and barks a lot when no one is home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65

You deserved it 6

By kelsieswiftie - 11/08/2018 04:02

Today, I was going poop in the only bathroom in our house, and my mom said she had to pee. A minute later, she burst in and said she couldn’t hold it, forced me off the toilet, and went pee. I was in the middle of dropping a deuce, so I stood there dripping until I could resume using the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 90

You deserved it 4

By Anonymous - 10/08/2018 20:18

Today I was diagnosed with a chronic disorder that causes uncontrollable twitching all over my body that can last for hours. Last week I was diagnosed with a nerve disorder that causes pain if I move too much. I've been twitching for 3 hours now. I'm in so much pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 111

You deserved it 3

By is it me? - 10/08/2018 14:09 - United States - New York

Today, just like in the mines, my live-in girlfriend for 6 years looked at me pointing to a positive pregnancy test stick. Stoked, I started smothering her with kisses. She responded by giving my face a right hook, saying she doesn't want it and after the abortion, she's breaking up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 106

You deserved it 7

By rgfortes - 10/08/2018 13:14

Today, I lost my phone while I am on my way home. My projects and reports, and other important files are in there. It is in airplane mode, the location is off, as well as Find My iPhone. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 63

You deserved it 53

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The Top

Today, I made a frustrating discovery about my new bunny. He can’t stand the fan in my small studio apartment, and thumps angrily and refuses to sleep if it's on. I can’t sleep with it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 651

You deserved it 451

Today, I realized I don't have a family, I only have garbage people who have been sucking my time, my money, and my life from me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 743

You deserved it 129

Today, my boyfriend took me out to meet his friends. It was going really well until I left to use the bathroom and two of the girls with us came in and started talking about how creepy Matt's new girlfriend is and that they're happy he's going to dump her. My boyfriend is Matt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 679

You deserved it 3 742

Today, I went to a bar with some buddies, and after trying to pick up a few girls, one of my friends got a number. When I heard the number, I said, "Sorry man, that's definitely the rejection hotline number." So many girls have given me that number, I've memorized it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 108

You deserved it 6 758

Today, my boyfriend turned 21 and got drunk at a bar. Being sober, I went through the whole ordeal: calling a cab, carrying him up three flights of stairs, helping him by the toilet, and taking him to bed. Just when I'm about to sleep, he gets up, pushes his shorts down, and pees on me. Twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 107 583

You deserved it 8 656

Today, while cleaning up, I dropped a box of thumbtacks, spilling them all over the floor. As I fumbled to pick them up, the power went out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 305

You deserved it 3 800