Nearly FMLs

By Tee - 27/07/2018 16:56

Today, after a 12 hour shift at work, I came home to my boyfriend and my son screaming at each other over whose turn it is on the video game. Results? My son chucked the remote at the tv and I have a headache. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 65

You deserved it 7

By Birthday beach - 26/07/2018 15:45 - United States - Auburn

Today, I learned my dad has more followers on Twitter than I do. He doesn't know how to operate his laptop... FML

I agree, your life sucks 49

You deserved it 11

By "dragonstooth257" - 26/07/2018 21:58

Today, our cat has worked out that if she wakes up our daughter she gets fed. no more sleep ins for us.... ever.... FML

I agree, your life sucks 59

You deserved it 6

By srs - 26/07/2018 18:41

Today, my parents yelled at me for coming home visibly drunk from a party last night. They said I couldn’t hang out with my best friend anymore as he’s a “bad influence.” He was the only one sober in our group and drove me home safely. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60

You deserved it 13

By Dragonmastergod - 26/07/2018 18:08

Today, I was working on my chemistry packet for over the summer. I was unsure of an answer so I went to go check with the guide my teacher posted. Instead of clicking on the guide, I clicked on "leave group". There is no way I can get back in and the packet is due in a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53

You deserved it 23

By kinkie - 26/07/2018 07:44 - Canada - Maple

Today, my boyfriend and I went to visit his best friend for a BBQ, as they sat down to play video games my boyfriend proceeded to tell the story of his injured knees from sex on the carpet. His best friend replied, "Oh man I know your carpet sucks for doggie style." It took 10 secs to click. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64

You deserved it 15

By I can't stand leg puns - 26/07/2018 12:22

Today, my ableist, homophobic dad informed me that I had to choose between being a lesbian and being disabled. Funny, didn't know I had a choice in either of those. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77

You deserved it 10

By JFred - 26/07/2018 02:37 - United States - Ann Arbor

Today, while performing oral sex on my wife, I mentioned her clitoris were "hard to find." She replied, "That's rude. I never told you how small your penis was." She usually refuses to talk at all during sex. Why not this time? Ouch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54

You deserved it 57

By Patate - 26/07/2018 05:40

Today, as I was chopping onions next to a colleague, the Chef jokingly asked me what did I do to make her cry like that. “I beat her senseless when you’re not watching” I answered. Guess why she has a restraining order against her ex-husband? FML.

I agree, your life sucks 33

You deserved it 77

By Daddyof2 - 26/07/2018 02:14

Today, I just found out that my wife talks to her ex husband just about every day and it has nothing to do with the kids. And she thinks is just fine and dandy. She lets him talk nasty as well. I’m just supposed to be ok with it. What does that say. FML

I agree, your life sucks 86

You deserved it 2

By Gina - 26/07/2018 02:05

Today, I started with a driving coach after getting over my phobia of roads and cars. I felt proud of my improvements in spite of the anxiety I felt until the instructor said I was "a long way from success" and that he's not sure I can even do it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61

You deserved it 3

By Anonymous - 26/07/2018 01:21

Today I came within an inch of death when a passing lorry tore the glasses off my face without actually touching my head. Despite this miraculous survival my mom still accused me of lying to cover up the fact I broke my glasses and grounded me FML

I agree, your life sucks 70

You deserved it 5

By Zekfen - 25/07/2018 22:12

Today, my 12 year old autistic son, who knows he is autistic was getting a haircut when the stylist next to him, informed her client: “Well she has a brother who is autistic. So she is used to dealing with kids who.... can’t behave.” My son heard it all. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 74

You deserved it 5

By mswaggy - 25/07/2018 21:44

Today, the mood struck so I decided to use my fleshlight. My house has a serious ant problem, and my roommate thought it would be funny to cover my fleshlight in sugar water. I didn't find out till after I was done that it was absolutely filled with ants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66

You deserved it 22

By Lifescared - 25/07/2018 15:37

Today, I was suspended by the company I work for for telling them that it was illegal to suspend me previously as it was without cause. According a lawyer friend this recent suspension is legal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63

You deserved it 14

By Anonymous - 25/07/2018 14:25

Today, I finished a whole week of band camp at my high school. I can’t tell a single story from camp without someone interrupting me to say, “This one time at band camp...” FML.

I agree, your life sucks 61

You deserved it 14

By BatmanOnIce - 25/07/2018 12:47 - United Arab Emirates - Dubai

Today, I went to the hospital because I thought I had a hernia. I had an ultrasound and found out I had multiple. This month, I've been fired and had an injection in my eye because I was going partially blind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80

You deserved it 4

By BurntRainbow - 25/07/2018 05:48

Today, it was my birthday. I sacrificed time with my brother who I haven't seen in five months because he lives in another city, so I could also spend some of my birthday with my boyfriend before he left on a two-week trip, only for him to spend it on Facebook or asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54

You deserved it 18

By rubyfixx - 25/07/2018 05:32

Today, I was supposed to have sex for the first time in 5 months with the guy I am in love with. As we were naked and making out he stopped kissing me. Come to find out he already came and turned over and took a nap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71

You deserved it 10

By Nessa - 25/07/2018 05:21

Today, my stove suddenly burst into flames. I was boiling a pot of pasta. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55

You deserved it 12

By "dragonstooth257" - 25/07/2018 01:36

Today my playful young cat decided to attack my hand. While I was wiping. On the toilet. it did not end well and there is now dirty toilet water through the house and I'm too sore to sit from scratches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55

You deserved it 7

By WasteOfTime - 24/07/2018 22:47

Today, my boyfriend of 7 years sent me a message saying we needed to have a "serious" conversation about our future. After freaking out, saying I loved him and that I always wanted to be with him, he blocked my number. I hope he's having fun at the strip club from his Instagram photos. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 82

You deserved it 11

By Rex - 24/07/2018 21:25

Today, I sent a dick pic to my buddy's wife, who I've been trying to hook up with. I sent to him by mistake. He sent a dick pic back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13

You deserved it 221

By ApparentlyASlut - 24/07/2018 19:57

Today, I found out why my mother is pushing so hard for me to get a boyfriend... She thinks if I don’t get the relationship experience, her Catholic daughter is going to become a massive slut and open her legs for anyone when she goes off to college... FML

I agree, your life sucks 64

You deserved it 4

By "Catto-Golden" - 24/07/2018 14:02

Today, I got home from a month-long vacation, looking forward to cuddling my two kittens. They both ran when I got home, and have been running from me ever since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65

You deserved it 11

By Anonymous - 24/07/2018 13:15 - Germany

Today, my boyfriend and I visited my brother. We started drinking and chatting (first time meeting the fam). Long story short my bf got shitfaced, threw up from the balcony into the neighbor's garden, and passed out on the couch. On the way to the couch, he decided to kick my brother's expensive bar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54

You deserved it 14

By Anonymous - 24/07/2018 04:52

Today I found condoms, insane types of illegal pocket knives, an expensive Vape pen, a fake cigarette used to smoke weed and one of my necklaces I thought I lost months ago... in my 12 year old brother's room. I'd tell on him, but can't explain why I was in his room in the first place. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 77

You deserved it 17

By Anonymous - 24/07/2018 03:48

Today, after moving out of my grandparents, giving up a car, quitting my job, and moving out into the middle of nowhere, my girlfriend told me she's still in love with her ex who cheated on his wife to have sex with my girlfriend years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71

You deserved it 7

By Messyhair - 24/07/2018 03:43

Today, a bee flew into my hair and got stuck. As I'm deathly allergic, I began to have a panic attack and tried to get my boyfriend to help free it. Instead, he alternated between laughing at me and getting angry with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66

You deserved it 4

By Girlw/problems - 24/07/2018 02:04

Today, my dog scratched at my door, so I let her in. She proceeded to lay down and crawl around for about 15 minutes. I thought she was being cute. She was actually dragging her butt around my room. Now my room smells like dog poop, and I still have to clean it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 10

FML on Facebook

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The Top

Today, I went on a blind date set up by my best friend. When I got there, my "date" was my ex. My best friend knew, and she thought it would be "funny" to see how we would react. FML

I agree, your life sucks 508

You deserved it 75

Today, I came home to find my dog had learned how to open our fridge. He ate the birthday cake I was saving for a friend's surprise party, and to add insult to injury, he'd also apparently thrown the barely digested cake up all over my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 504

You deserved it 101

Today, as I was driving home after work, it was already dark. Some person in all black clothing came out of nowhere and jumped on my hood. It was the crazy ex I’ve been avoiding for 3 years. Of course, he said I hit him on purpose for revenge. Funny seeing how I moved towns over to get away from him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 803

You deserved it 125

Today, I finally felt ready to give my boyfriend a blowjob. Barely 20 seconds in, he said: "I'll be honest, this is TERRIBLE." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 084

You deserved it 9 726

Today, I found out that my doctor got mad I was prescribed Suboxone. Why? He had me in patches and pills when I wanted neither. I found relief and he took it as an issue, but this morning he wrote, "I know you're a druggie" in my file. I've never touched street drugs, and the cherry on top was, "You homeless yet?" A DOCTOR. FML

I agree, your life sucks 466

You deserved it 88

Today, my ex-boyfriend admitted the reason he broke up with me was because he cheated and felt awful about it. The girl is now pregnant, but he swears it isn't his. Guess we'll find out in a few months if my daughter has a sibling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 908

You deserved it 2 531