Nearly FMLs

By omgC - 10/08/2018 03:10

Today I woke up to a reply to the first scandalous text I sent to the man I have been talking to the past week. I was excited until I read the text, it was a message from his sister saying he had left his phone on her dresser and she forwarded the message to him on their family group chat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76

You deserved it 14

By Anonymous - 10/08/2018 02:50

Today, the guy I was married/loved for 34 years who I divorced because he abused drugs is now suing me because he didn't like what he got in the divorce, which was nothing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 92

You deserved it 5

By Hokuto Hyakuretsuken - 09/08/2018 19:20 - United States - New York

Today, early this morning my girlfriend accidentally dropped a big canister of coffee making a mess, causing her to go "FUUU**!". We are also with her toddler niece who we are babysitting for a few days. She now wouldn't stop going "BUUUCK! BUUUCK!" and just laughs at me when I try to stop her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64

You deserved it 12

By KittyKat - 09/08/2018 14:07

Today, my partner and I were in the bedroom when, in an attempt to free my hair from under his hand, he ended up head butting my forehead with his teeth. Our alone time abruptly ended with an ice pack on my head and one mild concussion for me. His teeth were fine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67

You deserved it 3

By "VeryAnnoyed481549" - 09/08/2018 02:55

Today me and my twin brother were babysitting a 4 year old girl, he thought it would be hilarious to tell her that oreos are called weed, when he told him he had no more weed she opened the door and ran outside screaming "I need more weed" the cops were called... FML

I agree, your life sucks 74

You deserved it 43

By Anonymous - 09/08/2018 02:14

Today I found out that my boyfriend of 6 years was in another relationship for 6 months and guess what she’s pregnant... fml

I agree, your life sucks 101

You deserved it 4

By "kotolokacja" - 08/08/2018 13:13 - Poland

Today, me, my bf, his sister and my parents went on vacation together. On the last day, my mom found out my dad is cheating on her and decided to divorce him. I was 7 hours in the same car as my fighting parents while being embarrassed because my sister-in-law-to-be heard all of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 84

You deserved it 1

By KelseNM - 08/08/2018 11:10

Today, my wallet was stolen. In the past week and a half, my car was stolen and I was arrested for communications harassment because I kept calling my ex to find out why he stole my car. Two weeks before that I had to drop out of college because I was informed that I’m going blind at 23. FML

I agree, your life sucks 114

You deserved it 3

By Outdated - 08/08/2018 06:03

Today, my husband asked if he could find someone to help with his fetishes, our first anniversary is in a couple months FML

I agree, your life sucks 73

You deserved it 3

By NotRacist - 08/08/2018 03:13

Today I was at a university open day at a 'stop racism' booth. I said 'I support Racism' with the intention of supporting their cause. Now all my friends think I'm racist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36

You deserved it 80

By ThaiHotH20 - 07/08/2018 13:06

Today I was on the toilet nonstop. If you have the occasion to be offered homemade spices by a Thai lady, REFUSE... being polite isn't worth an entire day on the crapper--or crying while an entire family grins like a Cheshire Cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68

You deserved it 10

By Alex - 07/08/2018 11:01

Today I found out my boyfriend of over a year has been cheating with me with not only one but four guys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 94

You deserved it 6

By Mummma - 06/08/2018 17:29

Today, I had to buy both nit shampoo and deworming tablets online (we live remote) for my family, my son won’t stop letting the dog lick his face, and my husband won’t tie my daughters hair up for school, 5 days till the parcel comes in the mail. My head is so itchy ahhhh, FML

I agree, your life sucks 74

You deserved it 7

By Anonymous - 06/08/2018 10:02

Today I was diagnosed borderline personality disorder, depression and PTSD. To make myself feel better I decided to order a burger from my favourite restaurant...... they closed down last week FML

I agree, your life sucks 75

You deserved it 3

By Overit - 06/08/2018 00:57 - United States - Oneida

Today, after months of planning I finally proposed to my SO of 6 years. They said no because they ‘didn’t know how they felt’... FML

I agree, your life sucks 70

You deserved it 6

By Anonymous - 06/08/2018 06:23

Today, my boyfriend of 6 years started talking to his ex from 11 years ago. Then all of a sudden, three days after they start talking and the night he “hung out” he breaks up with me. Cool. 6 years down the drain for a woman who’s been out of your life for 11 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73

You deserved it 5

By Anonymous - 06/08/2018 04:24

Today, the girl I’ve been seeing admitted that she’s only with me to make my brother jealous. She did this while I was preparing to ask her to be my girlfriend. She thought yelled at me for being insensitive when I broke up with her. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 55

You deserved it 3

By Anonymous - 06/08/2018 01:28

Today, during heavy rain, I fell into a sewer through broken cover. I wasn't even looking at my phone or anything. Now I can't even walk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73

You deserved it 5

By 2nd Shelf - 05/08/2018 19:03

Today, after telling my husband, he that I never imagined I'd be so lucky as to have someone like him, he told me I was pretty close to what he had dreamed so "I guess you'll do." FML

I agree, your life sucks 58

You deserved it 4

By Emm - 05/08/2018 11:36 - United States - Appleton

Today, my mom got pissed at me for making plans with friends for the week. Even though we have a family calendar events are supposed to go in, she told me I fucked up her week. Well, that’s what she says she meant to say. Her exact words were “You fucked up my life!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 72

You deserved it 4

By Anonymous - 05/08/2018 18:33

Today is my birthday. I was so excited to receive an email from my pet's veterinarian titled "Happy Birthday," thinking that they actually take the time to remember pet owners' birthdays. When I opened the email, I realized it was for my cat, whose birthday is also today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60

You deserved it 18

By alyana - 05/08/2018 21:48 - Philippines - Liberty

Today, while sitting on the couch with my 6 year old brother, I opened the TV to watch the news and it was about a kid who killed her sister because of not letting him play flappy bird on her phone. My brother then told me, "I would also do that if you don't let me play in your phone," and smirked. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 65

You deserved it 4

By Anonymous - 05/08/2018 15:45

Today, I was driving my friend around. I had a parking ticket in the cup holder that I planned on paying. My friend had a drink, put it in the cup holder, and when they were done, threw both the cup and the ticket away because they 'wanted to keep my car clean'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 19

By Grimmaroo - 05/08/2018 07:52

Today, I went to pick up my headphones that were outside (because my brother was playing with them) and it was dark. So they just looked like a black circle on the ground. When I went to pick them up, I picked up a spider that was on the ground. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50

You deserved it 10

By "ambersayshii123" - 05/08/2018 01:26 - United States - North Ridgeville

Today I went into work even though I wasn't feeling well. 3 hours into my shift I had to turn around and force myself not to puke on my customer. As soon as he left I had just enough time to run to the bathroom and puke all over the floor, walls, and sink.. Guess who had to clean it... FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 16

By Anonymous - 05/08/2018 04:15

Today I thought I just had to fart - I didn't. I had to bike three miles home in dirtied light grey gym shorts. Fml.

I agree, your life sucks 65

You deserved it 15

By Anonymous - 05/08/2018 03:50

Today, my wife is convinced I had sex with an old female co-worker at my old job before we got married. Today we found out she lives at the end of our road. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65

You deserved it 4

By MemeGod - 05/08/2018 03:14

Today, I was putting together an old tent, I had to make sure it still had no missing parts and wasn't ripped. Too bad that right before I was finished, the rod snapped and whacked me in the face, nearly blinding me. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 56

You deserved it 4

By DumbAssDaughter - 04/08/2018 16:54 - Canada - Calgary

Today, like many others, I got called a brain-dead idiot by my father because I chose to pick up dinner rather than let my mother walk across town after she worked 8 hours despite me already being at the grocery store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81

You deserved it 9

By ForeverACousin - 04/08/2018 22:47 - United Kingdom

Today, a guy finally showed some interest in me and started flirting. Would have been nice if we weren't at a family get together, and he wasn't my cousin. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 69

You deserved it 4

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The Top

Today, I was in yoga class. We were in downward-facing dog pose, and the male instructor stood behind me and gave me an assist/adjustment by pulling upward on my hips. As I left the class, I realized that was the most intimate touch I've ever received from a man. I'm a 25-year-old straight woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 830

You deserved it 257

Today, I no longer have a toaster. My younger sister put it in the bath because apparently it looked dirty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 785

You deserved it 371

Today, I was diagnosed with a tumor and had to cancel on the holidays with my crush of 4 years. He is taking another girl with him instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 517

You deserved it 207

Today, my girlfriend decided we are to the point in our relationship that it's considered acceptable to take a dump while I'm in there showering. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 016

You deserved it 8 125

Today, I went on a 70-mile drive to the next town over to finally meet this beautiful girl I had talked to online. To my surprise, she looked exactly how she did in her pictures, minus the ring on her finger and the fiancé who wanted to punch me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 509

You deserved it 5 826

Today, my boyfriend was fired. After breaking the news, he also broke up with me. Apparently, his boss had a creepy crush on me and would give my boyfriend bonuses for bringing me to company events and, occasionally, out on the boss's personal boat. Looks like I am no longer useful. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 918

You deserved it 3 214