Nearly FMLs

By sammisweets93 - 23/02/2016 03:59 - United States - Rochester

Today, I got a parking ticket for parking in my driveway because it's too close to a fire hydrant....FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By MartysBoy - 23/02/2016 03:57 - United States - Avon

Today, on my way to school I was dreading my first period Spanish class with the most annoying teacher at my school, only to be interrupted by a black Buick smashing into my bumper. A woman emerged from the car yelling "AY AY AY NO ME GUSTA!" It was my Spanish teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By sexy - 23/02/2016 03:57 - United States - San Jose

Today, I tried to be sexy by deep throating my boyfriend's dick. I ended up puking on his lap. We spent the rest of our evening cleaning puke off his bed sheets. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By FMLDAILYyyyyy - 23/02/2016 03:55 - United States - El Paso

Today, I went tanning in one of those standing tan rooms. I had taken everything off so I wouldnt have any tan lines... or so O thought. I forgot to take off my socks! One of the worst tanlines ever. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymoud - 23/02/2016 03:51 - United States - Cypress

Today, I asked my mom if I could not go to school because I was having really bad diarrhea. She yelled at me and accused me of making up lies. Guess what I did at school today? FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By anitris - 23/02/2016 03:50 - United States

Today, my boyfriend left me for my twin sister . FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 23/02/2016 03:49 - United States - Newville

Today, I saw a special education classmate walking her family's dog. It's a giant golden retriever twice her size. The dog jumped up and head butted me in the jaw, then jumped up again and clawed my chest. I have no idea why the girl's parents let her walk this dog alone, and now my head hurts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By MartysBoy - 23/02/2016 03:48 - United States - Avon

Today, I backed over a small child's bike. He was still on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By 242795 - 23/02/2016 03:47 - United States - Four Oaks

Today, after listening to my grandmother praise my high school drop out f a brother for hours, I finally told her that I was accepted into my dream school. She then proceeded to tell me that I should be more like my brother because he was the "best thing to ever happen to this family". FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By HopToo - 23/02/2016 03:45 - United States - Wickliffe

Today, I woke up to a beautiful text from my ex girlfriend about how I should get checked for an STD because the man she cheated on me with was carrying gonorrhea, FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 23/02/2016 03:43 - United States - Saint Louis

Today, I walked in on my nine-year-old brother using my laptop to jack off to furry porn. I cannot ever unsee this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Why me? - 23/02/2016 03:35 - United States - Four Oaks

Today, I found out my grandmother makes plans to visit my other family members while I'm out of the house. Then she yells at me for not spending enough time with them before I leave for college. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Kay42 - 23/02/2016 03:34 - United States - Abbeville

Today, while at track practice, I decided to try out for pole vaulting. I was doing great. After a couple tries I messed up and loss my balance. As I went up, I came back down and shattered my right wrist and broke my right ankle. By the way, it's very hard to type with just my left hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By chickenshit4 - 23/02/2016 03:20 - United States - Pine Ridge

Today, my babysitter "forgot" to change my sons diaper and when he came home his butt was as red as a cherry. she's still wondering why she isn't getting paid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By school - 23/02/2016 03:19 - United States - Greenwich

Today, My teacher began yelling at me for not correcting my friends work the way she wanted it to be done. She then gave me a detention and I declined to accept it because I did nothing wrong. Meanwhile, there was a kid threatening to kill people with scissors.... She said nothing to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 23/02/2016 03:12 - United States - Newville

Today, I was nice and moved to the left lane to let a car merge in while driving home. I didn't realize how close to my exit I was and I tried to get back over to the right lane, but the asshole next to me purposely sped up so I couldn't get in. I missed my exit and got lost. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 23/02/2016 03:10 - United States - Clarksville

Earlier this evening, I had a hot Tinder date. While I was flat-ironing my hair, I noticed a dark red hair attached to it. I confronted my younger brother.. Only to find him using my other straightener on his pubic hairs. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By bcc9999 - 23/02/2016 02:58 - Canada - Wolfville

Today, a guy who had been hitting on me and knew I was interested for over year invited me to a party. He even hinted that I wear something nice. I get there only to realize it's his girlfriends birthday party. I shaved and wore my sexiest lingerie to sit in a corner watching him make out with her.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By anonymous - 23/02/2016 02:56 - United States - Manchester

Today, my husband and I went to the grocery store with our three year old son. He kept telling us he wanted a sucker; unfortunately, it sounded like "fuck her". One lady even told us our son shouldn't know about our sex life at his age. FML

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You deserved it 0

By gonna kill her - 23/02/2016 02:54 - United States - East Hartford

Today, I spent a really long time getting my hair just right, and my friend came up to me and started undoing it because "it looked bad." I can't get it to go back and I did it for a big night tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Callmesam230 - 23/02/2016 02:53 - United States - Laurel

Today, my dad called and I answered the phone. He must have thought I was my mom because he started talking about how they never should have had kids and they should send us to an orphanage. When I told him that it was me he said "Oh tell your mom what I said." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 23/02/2016 02:46 - United States - Boston

Today, my boyfriend and I went out to dinner for the first time in months. He spent the entire time doing a crossword puzzle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By RoseP - 23/02/2016 02:44 - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, my boyfriend went to bed in a huff after a disagreement we'd had. I sent a frustrated text to my mum about the situation and his childish behaviour. However when I pressed send, I realised I'd sent it to the wrong person... He wasn't very happy to receive that text. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By disgustedmom - 23/02/2016 02:43 - United States - Akron

Today, my neighbor got arrested for child porn possession. To make matters worse, he was the photographer at my daughter's school dance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Hello Jerry Springer - 23/02/2016 02:35 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, After two months of finalizing my divorce from my wife due to the paternity test of our newborn daughter was not in my favor. My consultant who performed the parental test informed me that our file was mixed up with another couple and I am the father of my daughter.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By reallyboi - 23/02/2016 02:29 - United States - Orlando

Today, I came out as gay to my parents. My mom was happy for me but my dad kicked me out. This would be bad already, but that gave my sister courage to come out as lesbian. Guess who let her stay and said "I support you all the way sweetie?". Him.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By ifeelyourpainop - 23/02/2016 02:21 - United States - Plainsboro

Today I walked in on my brother straightening his pubic hair with my straightener. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By ChiefKoala - 23/02/2016 02:21 - United States - Rockwood

Today, I received my U.S history test back. I would've scored a perfect one-hundred, if not for the fact that when describing the Spanish Armada, I accidentally wrote "a fleet of 100 sheeps" as opposed to "a fleet of 100 ships". I'm in college. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By mrpresedent - 23/02/2016 02:19 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me, saying she had some medical problems, and not to think it was my fault. I just saw her holding my bestfriends hand and laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By eyebrows not on fleek - 23/02/2016 02:14 - United States - Clover

Today, I found out that I'm such a sound sleeper that my brother can come in the middle of the night, duct tape my eyebrows, and I won't wake up until after he rips them off. I'm still bleeding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

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The Top

Today, I haven't shaved for so long the hair on my legs has split ends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 604

You deserved it 11 609

Today, I got up the courage to go to my very first voice lesson. I thought I did alright, but at the end my teacher told me, "Now don't worry about grades in this class, I grade on effort, not on talent." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 724

You deserved it 3 122

Today, my girlfriend told me on Facebook to stop calling/texting her because she lost her phone. Right under her post was "sent from Facebook for iPhone." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 479

You deserved it 4 680

Today, someone called the police on me because one of my students was going home with me every day. The student is my son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 886

You deserved it 1 443

Today, my cat woke me up, but not by kneading on me though. Instead, she woke me up by pouncing on the laser pointer my dad was shining on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 882

You deserved it 2 627

Today, my sister and I heard back from a job we both applied to. I had used the knowledge from my MBA degree to write a six-page essay for the application, while she just copied and pasted hers from a random website. Guess who got the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 809

You deserved it 3 790