Nearly FMLs

By Anonymous - 22/02/2016 04:11 - United States - Laredo

Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex, as soon as I was gonna pull out, she wrapped her legs around me. Well, I'm screwed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 2

By BenJW - 22/02/2016 04:10 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, I found out the hard way that I can't leave my Lesbian sister alone with my bisexual girlfriend for too long.. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By OhWhoCares - 22/02/2016 04:04 - United States - Corona

Today, I have to choose between going into debt probably for the rest of my life to treat a possibly cancerous tumor in my stomach and in the lining of my esophagus, or "wait and see" and risk it spreading. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By steven.san - 22/02/2016 04:03

Today, I finally get the chance to spend a whole day with my girlfriend who was busy for an entire month with school, cultural events etc. She spent the entire day on her phone ignoring me while I tried to spend time with her, she is now nagging about me being on my phone as I write this. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By abishekn044 - 22/02/2016 04:00 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I was having sex with a girl. She was really into it and not holding back on the noise...That is, until I received a text message from my little sister next door reading "If she is making that much noise, she is probably faking it...Trust me, I know." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By ChiefKoala - 22/02/2016 03:42 - United States - Rockwood

Today, I had the pleasure of watching a very fat mouse try to squeeze an equally fat piece of cake under the stove in my kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By DeadpoolFuckers - 22/02/2016 03:36 - United States - Grand Island

Today, I found out a good friend is gay... Now this wouldn't be a problem if he hadn't took me to a park and them made out with me. Due to major anxiety issues I froze up and he just sat there and made out with me. After he walked away I just stood there. I am not gay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By teresa96706 - 22/02/2016 03:26 - United States - Mililani

Today, my father is cancelling his payments for my college tuition, all because I can't talk to him without having anxiety attacks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By summerismylife - 22/02/2016 03:26 - Canada

Today, my long distance boyfriend, decided to tell me that he needs space and that I'm clingy. He lives miles away and we talk maybe once or twice a day, and Skype maybe once every two weeks.FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By SomeKidhere - 22/02/2016 03:26 - United States - Hamburg

Today, my father chased me around the mall and trapped me in a Barnes and noble bathroom because I didn't give him attention when he wanted it and proceeded to file a complaint in family court because I left during visitation...FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By dancer007 - 22/02/2016 03:25 - United States - Roswell

Today, I spent three hours on a college application essay. Finally finished, I read over it ten times and clicked submit. My login window timed out. I lost the entire essay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By WhyMe - 22/02/2016 03:13 - United States - San Diego

Today, my son asked me what the word 'gay' meant. I replied, telling him it meant happy. A few hours later, I overheard him asking my husband if he was gay. He replied, No, son, how could I be? I have a wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By ohgawdno - 22/02/2016 03:08 - United States - Jacksonville

Today I found out my MIL mops her floor with toilet water. She makes us take our shoes off in the house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By oh - 22/02/2016 03:01 - United States - Alsea

Today, I was walking down the sidewalk and this random guy came up to me and said "Have a nice day little boy!" I'm a 23 year old girl. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By floridagreg - 22/02/2016 02:57 - United States - Fort Lauderdale

Today, I found out my psychotic ex girlfriend is really good at photoshop. Specifically photoshopping me sleeping with other girls... and sending then to my current girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Bricktothehead - 22/02/2016 02:52 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I've been single for so long that I dreamt a girl hopped into bed with me. I woke up from the shock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By whymykid - 22/02/2016 02:51 - United States - Wake Forest

Today, on the first anniversary of my daughters Guinea pig dying by breaking its back, her other Guinea pig got sick. He died at the emergency vet. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 22/02/2016 02:44 - United States - Holt

My girlfriend of almost 2 years dumped me after having a 3 some with one of her friends. Apparently she is a lesbian now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous16 - 22/02/2016 02:36 - United States - Mary Esther

Today, I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time. And also today, I figured out that I'm allergic to latex. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Thebestinclass - 22/02/2016 02:35 - United States - Clovis

Today, after getting my braces off, my girlfriend offered to take me out to dinner to celebrate. After I got my jacket and started heading out the door, I tripped over my cat and fell on my face, causing my teeth to push inward. Hello again braces. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 22/02/2016 02:27 - United Kingdom - Walsall

Today, it's my birthday, it's also the day I found out my (now ex) boyfriend has spent the past 4 months cheating on me with some girls from work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By reba96 - 22/02/2016 02:18 - United States - Virginia Beach

Today, my dad walked in the the bathroom while i was taking a shower. This wouldn't be a problem if he hadn't started pooping while i was showering. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 22/02/2016 02:12 - United States - Charlottesville

Today, my boyfriend told me to be like his ex because she has a bigger chest. Then he took his dirty socks and shoved them in my bra. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By ihatemyneighbors - 22/02/2016 01:59 - United States - New York

Today, I have to do my laundry. My apartment has a shared laundry room where you can check if there are machines in use online. After confirming all of the washers were free, I hauled my stuff downstair. Within those 2 minutes, someone had taken all of the machines. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By thatdad - 22/02/2016 01:34 - United States - Lebanon

Today, my 5 year old son told me that his "male parts" were hurting him. I told him to toughen up. Later tonight, He kept complaining about them still hurting. I finally checked. My 5 year old son had split his ballsack open.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By fool - 22/02/2016 01:07 - United States - Cunningham

Today, I was dumped by my boyfriend of one year, right after we'd already gotten cute, professional pictures taken as a surprise for him. I had to tell the photographer she didn't have to send me the rest of the edited pictures. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Ow - 22/02/2016 01:02 - United States - Cary

Today, I caught one of our employees for sneaking out early. I grabbed him by the arm and he yelled at me to let go, claiming he doesn't work for me. When I told him to stop lying he knocked me out in two moves. I awoke to the cops telling me I'm lucky I'm not in jail for holding the wrong guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By fuckmylife - 22/02/2016 00:24 - United States - Boston

Today, my good friend was retiring. I wrote on her goodbye card, "No one will miss you! LOL" This is all part of an inside joke we have. Just as the envelope was being carried out of the office, I realized it wasn't to my retired buddy. It was a get well card to a worker with terminal cancer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By Llamacake - 22/02/2016 00:22 - United Kingdom - Hamilton

Today, five different pedestrians decided to cross the road in front of my car without looking. I have a device that measures how safely I drive by monitoring how hard I hit the brakes. Not only is my insurance company going to think I'm an unsafe driver, I'm also fairly certain I have whiplash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By HeadSetMike - 22/02/2016 00:22 - United States - Roseville

Today, was the closing period for the 6 week grading period. Today is also the day my Biology teacher entered grades. The system glitched and I got a 14/1000 effectively dropping my grade to a 9%. My teacher said it would be fixed, but not in time to make me eligible for sports this semester. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

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The Top

Today, as I was getting out of my car, an old and obese lady walked up to me and called me an "inconsiderate heartless bitch" for using the last handicap parking spot. I guess she didn't see my wheelchair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 229

You deserved it 3 326

Today, my maths teacher, who hates me ever since I pointed out a mistake he made a few months ago, rang my dad and blatantly lied to him about me swearing at him in class. It was a complete load of bollocks, but my dad believed him and took away my PlayStation until after Christmas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 986

You deserved it 180

Today, I joined an impromptu work video meeting from a family vacation but forgot to change my display name from “Mom’s iPad.” For the entire hour, everyone called me “Mom” and I didn’t understand why they were calling me that. Once I realized what was going on, it was too late, so I’m officially “Mom” at work now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 276

You deserved it 297

Today, at the gym, I attempted to deadlift after binge eating ice cream last night. I need new underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76

You deserved it 532

Today, I asked my mom if I was ugly. She said, "Ask your girlfriend." I said I didn't have one. She said "Exactly." FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 506

You deserved it 5 319

Today, I found out that college stressed me out so much that my stomach acid now eats holes in my stomach wall. I went from, “Oh, I have a tummy ache” to “You can’t eat or drink for 24 hours because we gotta do surgery on a perforated ulcer.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 442

You deserved it 96