Nearly FMLs

By ross - 22/02/2016 07:12 - United States - Albany

Today, I finally made it to a warm hospital after sliding 400ft down a nearly vertical rock valley only to brake my hip and lay stranded 30 hours in the rain until rescue crews performed a steep angle rescue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Tromboneboyman - 22/02/2016 07:05 - United States - Greeley

Today my girlfriend got mad at me for quitting my 2nd job which means she will have to get 1 job. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By VeryHard69 - 22/02/2016 07:01 - United States - Norfolk

Today, I was feeling restless but couldn't sleep. My girlfriend offered me one of her "sleeping pills," turns out they were an antidepressant that I was allergic to. Allergic in the sense of getting an erection that wouldn't go down that is. I ended up having to get three injections in my penis. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By worksucks - 22/02/2016 06:49 - United States - Rialto

Today, at work one of the cooks repeatedly cussed me out and got in a fight with another cook when he defended me. Our manager then pulled me into the office and told me not to antagonize anyone. He cussed me out because I was sending food back because it was made wrong. That;s my job. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By hummelbyhummel - 22/02/2016 06:38 - United States - Hialeah

Today, my boyfriend decided to break up with me, then proceeded to serenade me "Love Yourself" by Justin Bieber, as I drove him home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By fuckmomfriends - 22/02/2016 06:37

Today, not only did my new friend take my toddler to a restaurant along with her toddler and not feed him. But now she is mad at me for being upset and threatening to kick my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By csomos_lynn - 22/02/2016 06:28 - United States - La Crosse

Today, I came home from grocery shopping to find everyone in the house asleep. When my husband woke up, he jumped and said, "oh shit the crabass is home!" My little child laughed... Really feeling the love. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Nonamr - 22/02/2016 06:23 - United States - Houston

Today, my mothers crazy soon to be ex husband is trying to kick us out of my mothers house. How? By replacing the carpet in the entire house as well as replacing all the doors and whenever we arrive home he calls the cops and claims that were "going through his things." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 22/02/2016 06:20 - United States - Boise

Today, my friend let me into the locked studio so that I could work on a project. While I was there, one of the large lights exploded and went out. If I tell my teacher, my friend will get into trouble, but I'm scared to see what will happen if I say nothing at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Gemletra - 22/02/2016 06:10 - Canada - Chatham

Today, I was supposed to be watching my 5 year old sister. But since she was still sleeping I got some gaming hours in. She woke up, walked out of her room, said "I don't like you," then went back to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By lovelifesnottheonlythingscrewed - 22/02/2016 06:03 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I wanted to get a haircut and change things up after things ended badly with a guy. Not only did I end up alone but the lady that did my hair messed it up so bad I can't look at my reflection without cringing FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By TrickyDeath - 22/02/2016 05:28 - United States - Syracuse

Today, I learned my new roommate's grandfather showers with the door open. With a see through curtain. Nobody told me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By bxilee - 22/02/2016 05:18 - United States - Corona

Today, thinking I could meet some cool, new people, my dumb self decided to publicly share their snapchat user on social media. I realized this was a very bad decision after receiving nothing but pictures of male genitals. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Taolan - 22/02/2016 05:13 - United States - Vienna

Today, I was working a site I do not typically cover. My company has had this contract for three years. My boss just called and told me that the client wants to cancel the contract due to a complaint. Apparently a white security guard telling a black teen not to park in a fire lane is racist. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By mattfire14 - 22/02/2016 05:10 - United States - New York

Today, Amazon fucked up and sent my little sister a dildo. She's 9 and refuses to send it back because she wants me to sew it onto stuffed horse to make it a unicorn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By rachel - 22/02/2016 05:08 - United States - Newark

Today, I planned a surprise visit to my brothers house for his birthday, only to walk in on him shooting heroine into his foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By gvmstrack - 22/02/2016 05:04 - United States - Gainesville

Today, I was trying on shoes for a school dance. I choose these very high heels I put them on and took a step and the heel broke beneath me due to my weight. They are making me pay for the shoes I can't get due to my weight problems. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By FrozenSawblade - 22/02/2016 05:01 - United States - Mount Laurel

Today, I was messaging my mom while I was on the school bus. My phone decided to autocorrect and I sent, "Wanna fuck?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By denaroe - 22/02/2016 05:01 - United States - Eugene

A few months ago I went to the dentist, they gave me anesthesia like normal but then when I was riding the bus home I blacked out. Next thing I know I woke up in jail and the police report said I held up traffic and attacked the bus directly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By dumbass - 22/02/2016 04:59 - Canada - Milton

Today, while indulging in some cheese topped garlic toast I remembered how lactose intolerant I am. Too bad I leave for an 11 hour bus ride in less than 3 hours. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By ihpp - 22/02/2016 04:53 - United States - Blackwood

Today, while on the city bus home, an older man missing teeth got on and sat next to me. He then grabbed my face and licked my cheek, winked at me and then changed seats. fml

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Sammys_shoe - 22/02/2016 04:53 - United States - Blanchester

Today, my expensive prom dress came in the mail. This would be great news, if the dress actually fit. Apparently, my stepmother ordered it two sizes too small for, "weight loss encouragement" purposes. The dance is two weeks away. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By isaacpoe - 22/02/2016 04:53 - United States - Keller

Today, after about 2 weeks of preparation it was finally time to ask this girl to the dance. So I brought the sign and everything to her first period class just to find out she moved. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 22/02/2016 04:52 - United States - Irving

Today, I went shopping with my parents. I found a small stuffed donkey toy, and held it up to show my mom and said "Here's a little ass just for you." My mother saw fit to inform me that she'd already gotten some ass earlier that day, and then looked pointedly at my dad. I need brain bleach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Toribio_18 - 22/02/2016 04:43 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I came to realize that my crush's mom is more into me than my crush is. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By ToolFan1987 - 22/02/2016 04:43 - United States - Ninety Six

Today, after working 5 overnight shifts in a row, my coworker who has been here 13 years decides to call out sick 30 minutes after I got home. She only works two nights out of the week. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By crackediphone - 22/02/2016 04:37 - Guyana - Georgetown

Today, I tried to throw a notebook onto my bed and missed and hit my laptop. In the panic, I dropped my phone and rushed to my laptop to inspect the damage. My laptop was perfectly fine, but my phone screen was terrible shattered. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 22/02/2016 04:36 - United States - Houston

Today, I volunteered at a center for people with mental disabilities. All went well until we were leaving, where a woman handed my mother a pamphlet for dealing with children with mental retardation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Memonster - 22/02/2016 04:27 - United States - Tomball

Today, i was on the phone with my girl and i had to pee but she was telling a story. So I muted the call and went to pee. She stops mid way and I look at my phone to see I didnt really mute it; she asks if I was done. I double tapped the mute button. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By ilytyvm - 22/02/2016 04:22 - United States - Johnstown

Today, my sister and I are both pregnant. Her hormones make her bitchy, mine make me cry uncontrollably over everything. We live together. This is going to be a long 9 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

Today, my sister told me her ex-boyfriend abused her and I went to go confront him. Turns out, she lied because he dumped her after she cheated on him. I got my ass kicked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 737

You deserved it 602

Today, I awoke at two in the morning to my cat putting his most recent kill on my chest. When I jumped up screaming, the dead mouse went flying and now my husband and I can't find it. Better yet, now both my husband and my cat are giving me the silent treatment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 753

You deserved it 2 460

Today, I finally got the courage to make a move on the guy I've been crushing on. I asked him if he would like to go see a movie with me. He answered, "Sorry, I've already seen it." I didn't even mention any particular movie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 883

You deserved it 4 329

Today, my wife has been super into sex lately, she even let me try some of the stuff she said no to before, and even surprised me with some of the kinky stuff she’s always wanted to try. Sounds great, right? Nope. Turns out she was overcompensating from the guilt of also fucking my coworker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 667

You deserved it 110

Today, I was giving a speech to my 300 some-odd person class. All throughout it, people had been giggling and cackling while I was speaking. I soon realized that my pants had been unzipped. I accidentally fell asleep with all my underwear in the washer last night and had gone commando that day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 493

You deserved it 21 533

Today, I was writing an essay while sleep-deprived. In between actually writing, I started typing my thoughts. It was only after I’d submitted the essay that I realized that I hadn’t deleted the random words. My teacher can see my early-morning rambling about potatoes. I have no way to delete it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 491

You deserved it 1 601