Nearly FMLs

By Grace333 - 22/02/2016 19:41 - United States - Perryville

Today I told my parents that I'm coming home for the summer from college. They told me that they sold the house and they are separated and neither have room for me to come home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Pattie - 22/02/2016 19:36 - United States - Burlington

Today, a guy was obviously staring at my breasts. I slapped him and ranted at him about how he should learn to respect women. He said, "Don't flatter yourself, bitch, I was looking at what was written on your shirt." I guess I'd forgotten I'd worn a graphic shirt with text on it. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By hannieannie - 22/02/2016 19:36 - United Kingdom - Oxford

Today, one of the children at my work brought a dildo into work for show and tell. He thought it was a magic sausage! FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By openminded8 - 22/02/2016 19:28 - United States - Johnson

Today, my 8 year old daughter told a very detailed story about a "twisty, twirly, metal thing" she found in her grandmothers bag. i had her draw me a picture of said object....nice dildo & cock ring grandma...fml

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By ktm1313 - 22/02/2016 19:15 - United States - Plymouth

Today, my grandma informed my sister that she was going to grind up my sister's dog in the garbage disposal while she's at school. My sister is hysterical now and won't leave the house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 22/02/2016 19:13 - United States - Uniontown

Today, I figured out my girlfriend likes to go to strip clubs. Without me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By nick - 22/02/2016 19:13 - United States - Burlington

Today, while in a silent study hall at school, I decided to listen to my iPhone. I put my earbuds in, clicked play, and turned up the volume. Suddenly everyone was staring at me. I hadn't plugged my headphones into my phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 1

By EmberassedBoy - 22/02/2016 19:05 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I tried being more talkative and tried to spark up a conversation. I was asked how my vacation was. I answered "Good, how was yours?" I forgot their mother died the same time I went on vacation. Longest car ride ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By KayPlay - 22/02/2016 18:49 - United States - Nesconset

Today, at college I went to the bathroom. The guy that ran in there before me was trying to get to a stall to throw up. I know that because he didn't make it and I slipped in his vomit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Callmesam230 - 22/02/2016 18:42 - United States - Laurel

Today, my son called me to come pick him from work because he didn't want to be there. It would be ok if he wasn't 23 and didn't live at home anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 22/02/2016 18:32 - United States - Mesa

Today my boyfriend pooped on me while having sex. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 17

By Shine242 - 22/02/2016 18:25 - United States - Lake Elsinore

Today, I drove 45min to get X-rays because I have pneumonia. I get there and the RN said that my doctor never called the order in. The same doctor that turned me away on Friday because they were too busy and then Saturday asked why I didn't go to ER. This all started Friday it's now Monday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By katie1243 - 22/02/2016 18:18 - United States

Today, I rescued a stray cat from my local barn. Within 10 minutes it got loose and is now hiding somewhere in my house. I can't find it but I can still hear it's hissing and clawing when ever I get close. My family's terrified.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By ravernightwolf - 22/02/2016 18:18 - United States - Albany

Today, after studying all weekend for a test, everything that was on the test I didn't study. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Wraith09 - 22/02/2016 18:02 - Canada - Holland Landing

Today, I got to explain step by step everything I do in my job to a programmer, to see if he can fully automate my position. And they wonder why morale is low. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Ow - 22/02/2016 17:56 - United States - San Francisco

I told my friend that I was uncomfortable around dogs because they didn't like me. She responded by bringing her "Extremely sweet wouldnt hurt a fly!" lab over. I got attacked as soon as she let it in my house. I needed 5 stitches and she still blames me for it for "expressing fear". FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 0

By lamacerr - 22/02/2016 17:55 - United States - Altamonte Springs

Today, my girlfreind broke up with me 2 weeks after we signed a contact starting that I have to drive her to and from college and high school for classes. There is no way to get out of this contact, and if I don't drive her I'll be fined and suspended by both the college and high school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By CrazyCatLady - 22/02/2016 17:55 - United States - Douglas

Today, I realized the extent of how much my fiancé loves pussy. At 26, he's having a midlife crisis and in a matter of 24 hours, we are now the proud owners of 5 random strays. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Sofia12197 - 22/02/2016 17:34 - United States - Irvine

Today, my constipation got so bad that I could feel my butthole tear when I went to the restroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Castiel - 22/02/2016 17:30 - United States - Virginia Beach

Today, I woke up and heard my husband playing video games. He called out hi honey so I went to go say hi. Turns out he had a friend over. I was not dressed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Blake. - 22/02/2016 17:24 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I bought a new Lexus and after 20 minutes of driving it someone backed up into it and totaled my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 22/02/2016 17:21 - United States - Snow Hill

Today I had to remind my husband of six years that I was half black after he told me that he doesn't like black women... FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By anonymous - 22/02/2016 16:49 - France

Today, I forgot I had a tampon on and had sex with my boyfriend, which resulted in me having to go to the ER. When I asked him if he felt it while touching me, he said 'I just thougt it was a long hair or something'. My boyfriend thinks I have hair in my vagina. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Brightbulb - 22/02/2016 16:37 - United States - Springfield

Today, I have a bad cold so I took a nap after calling out from work before my EMT class. I woke up in an ambulance looking at my teacher. Guess my roommate found me not breathing, and I wont be in class tonight. But I'm excused and their new example on respiratory emergencies. Yay.... FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By lickastick - 22/02/2016 16:19 - United States - Pensacola

Today, I decided to dress comfortably so I just threw on one of my white T-shirts. I hung out with my mom, sister, and my boyfriends parents. It wasn't until I got home that I noticed a huge cum stain on the left shoulder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By love dumb - 22/02/2016 16:16 - United States - Tucker

Today, I found out that my boyfriend has a kid from another relationship. And that he has zero pictures of me in his phone but several of a different ex than the baby momma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Badluckolsen - 22/02/2016 16:15 - United States - Charlotte

Today, I broke my phone and failed three tests for three different classes. My parents expect me to pay for the phone with my allowance, which is based on me getting good grades. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Badluckolsen - 22/02/2016 16:10 - United States - Columbia

Today, I walked in on my Spanish honors teacher naked in the school restroom. She is very old, and foreign. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By deathrise007 - 22/02/2016 15:43 - United States

Today, I was let go from my job. One more week of working there, with $14.50 an hour and I would have had enough to pay for my own car. My parents refuse to help me pay for the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 22/02/2016 15:43 - United States - Indianapolis

Today, two of my pregnant friends told me that they didn't want me at their baby showers. Both claim their reason is that me losing my baby would bring them down. I wouldn't care if they hadn't had me plan their parties because I lost my baby. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

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The Top

Today, my friend canceled plans the day before the event, after planning to go together for over a month. He said he needed to work, which would be understandable, if his only job wasn’t for Uber where he literally sets his own hours. It’s too late to find another friend to go with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 723

You deserved it 115

Today, I got screamed at by a woman at work for feeding her 3-week-old infant formula instead of the bottled Kool-Aid that she packed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 466

You deserved it 3 426

Today, I was at the airport, when a lady came up and loudly asked if she could sit next to me. I have serious social issues, so to avoid having to talk to her, I pretended I was deaf and couldn't hear her. She immediately broke out her sign language skills. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 389

You deserved it 49 749

Today, I had an interview for an internship at an independent lawyer's office. Hoping to increase my chances of being hired, I dressed up sexily with a short skirt, high heels, and ample cleavage. Turns out his wife handles the interviews. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 212

You deserved it 106 840

Today, I invited my only friend to my birthday party and she said no, not because she couldn’t go, but because she didn’t want to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 827

You deserved it 425

Today, I found out all about my son's secret online double life. He's been moonlighting for two years as a male prostitute by the name of Peter Parker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 536

You deserved it 5 599