Nearly FMLs

By AShitStorm - 22/02/2016 22:21 - Canada - Pierrefonds

Today, I was using the bathroom at school. Somehow, I really have no idea how, I got shit on the back of my pants. I tried desperately to clean it up, and it was barely noticeable, but I was stuck last period stinking up the space of the person sitting right behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By asleastIHADmyhealth - 22/02/2016 22:14 - United States - Minneapolis

Today I found out that I have cancer, and will have surgery that will leave me unable to talk for a while. My job is 90% talking on the phone. Not only will this be expensive, but I'll be unable to work for at least a month afterwards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By ForeverAlone - 22/02/2016 22:07 - United States - Lubbock

Today, I decided to go to a club to hopefully meet someone since I've been single for over six months. I started talking with this girl, really hit it off and danced with her most of the night. She kissed me and walked towards the bar. 10 minutes later I saw her being thrown out. She was 13. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Fatty Mayonnaise - 22/02/2016 21:46 - United States - Burlington

Today, I bought pants three sizes bigger than I wear to make myself fell smaller after a bad breakup. They fit me perfectly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Unknown - 22/02/2016 21:46 - United States - Montpelier

Today, while in school I walked by someone who then tripped me, after this I got upset because my class project shattered into pieces. Later on carrying my fixed project, his friend tripped me too. I had no project for class I was walking to. And my teacher didn't believe that's what happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By I'm screwed - 22/02/2016 21:40 - United States - Ballwin

Today, I got my new driver's license. I somehow managed to have a big smart-assy smirk on my face in the picture. So now anytime I get pulled over in the next 6 years the cop will automatically assume I'm an asshole and give me the ticket. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By disgusted - 22/02/2016 21:38 - Canada

Today, I texted my mom telling her to tell my little sister to clean up the boogers on the wall in my room - formerly hers. She went into my old room instead. She's apparently been wiping her boogers in my room for years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 22/02/2016 21:37 - United States - Iowa City

Today, I was doing some thinking- I married my high school girlfriend after dating through college- I calculated that 9 years later we have only had intercourse a total of 3 times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By sullman03 - 22/02/2016 21:31 - United States

Today, my girlfriend was so paranoid that I was cheating on her, that she broke up with me for hanging out with the girl that she introduced to me earlier. That person was her sister.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Annon - 22/02/2016 21:24 - Canada - Barrie

Today I got my period in class. There was blood all over my chair, and people just looked at me not saying anything. The whole class froze until I got up and went to the washroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Kay42 - 22/02/2016 21:24 - United States - Abbeville

Today, at school, a girl sat across me during lunch. We talked for a little while and then she just randomly askes, "Will you go to prom with me?" I was so shocked that I spit all my coke on her. After that, I said "Yes." Then she said "Nevermind." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 22/02/2016 21:14

Today, I was working on my 1000 word research paper. I skipped school to finish it since I hadn't started yet. I had 700 words done and my computer randomly decided to shut off. It didn't save anything I had done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By Liv437 - 22/02/2016 21:08 - Canada

Today, my mom confiscated my phone and made me pay for the phone bill for the month. This is because my phone died and I couldn't text her after every class like I've been doing for the past 2 weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By LittleGina - 22/02/2016 21:01 - United States - Roxboro

Today, I set a $20 bill on the table and left, forgetting that my paper-loving cat was in the room. When I came back, it was shredded and part of it was probably eaten. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By rpeirce98 - 22/02/2016 20:57 - United States

Today, we had to explain to a girl in my class that the word "jizz" does not mean "pee", she's 17 and has been saying it wrong her whole life.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By goddamnfml - 22/02/2016 20:56 - United States

Today,i found out that while i was in the hospital with a brain injury my brother was sleeping with my girlfriend the whole time FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By kadenpgraham - 22/02/2016 20:55 - United States

Today, I woke up sick as a dog. I took some DayQuil and headed to school. While telling my friends this, one of them casually said that he wished I overdosed. Everyone agreed with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By invisiblelady - 22/02/2016 20:51 - United Kingdom - Mitcham

Today, my boyfriend of ten years has broken up with me because I wasn't home when he came round, he said he feels like the mug in this relationship, I guess he forgot I have been supporting him financially for over a year, FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Cheezpop - 22/02/2016 20:44 - Norway - Trondheim

Today, I learned that even after practicing for months to pass the auditions for the Talent Show, someone that practiced only on the day of the auditions, will beat you. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By sunny_moonbeam - 22/02/2016 20:44 - United States - Hayward

Today, I received a chocolate bar from my grandmother. It wasn't until I was stuck in traffic that I realized the chocolates were laxatives. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 079

You deserved it 98

By anonymous - 22/02/2016 20:35 - United States - Vista

Today, my aunt found out I was a lesbian and told the rest of my conservative family. How you ask? We are apparently registered on the same dating site FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By wickachad25 - 22/02/2016 20:35 - United States

Today, my boyfriend left me because I don't appreciate his love of Grey's Anatomy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By nscapg - 22/02/2016 20:26 - United States - Pleasant Grove

Today, my husband moaned more passionately when I scratched his back then the last time we had sex, last month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 22/02/2016 20:22 - Ukraine - Kiev

Today, I was pleasantly surprised when my boyfriend said he was going to clean his flat, which apparently means taking apart his computer, dusting it, and putting it back together. Guess who gets to clean the kitchen and bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By krakenbanana - 22/02/2016 20:17 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I found out I get a boner when ever my sims have romantic interactions.FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 0

By willie tate - 22/02/2016 20:16 - United States - Grand Forks

Today, I realized that for the past two years, my Valentine's Day present from my boyfriend has been a bag of pretzels. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 22/02/2016 20:14 - United States - Pinellas Park

Today, I found a plastic bag tucked behind the end table. when I opened it I found a DVD of an animated children's show and lingerie. I'm too scared to ask my parents about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By anon - 22/02/2016 19:56 - United States - Grand Rapids

Today, I found out one of my best guy friend's is waiting for my boyfriend and I to break up in hopes of one day being able to bang me... I thought he was gay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By 2awkward4me - 22/02/2016 19:51 - United States

Today, my boyfriend's dad walked in us having sex. Who then decided to tell most of his family members about it, who saw me as a perfect angel before. And he still wants me to show up to their family gathering next week. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By farttard - 22/02/2016 19:50 - United States - Lenoir City

Today at work I went out back to smoke, I was sitting in my car with the door open. Thinking nobody was around, I let a fart out. I then noticed a man standing at the mailbox next to my car, we made awkward eye contact and he silently walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, I noticed that the eye drops I have been using three times a day for the past week expired when the Jonas Brothers were popular. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 457

You deserved it 5 588

Today, I was washing my boobs in the shower when I caught my reflection in the mirror. I got super turned on at the sight of my large breasts all soaped up. I'm a man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 694

You deserved it 9 954

Today, I was prepared for it to be difficult being a parent, but it's actually super easy. What I wasn't prepared for was just how boring it would be after my husband returned to work and I was left alone. All she does is sleep, so the whole house is scrubbed clean, and I'm climbing the walls from sheer bloody boredom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 821

You deserved it 482

Today, it was my first day working at a library. I expected it to be fun and peaceful, not to end up having to call the cops on a guy who started jerking off into a book. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 999

You deserved it 1 849

Today, my son was at a birthday party. After eating a plate of cake, he loudly asked the birthday boy's mum if he could have sloppy seconds. I don't know where he heard that phrase, but the other kids' parents shot me very dirty looks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 040

You deserved it 3 308

Today, after a short trip out of town, I came back late at night to the yard clean, the house swept and mopped, all the laundry done, and my son asleep. I was thrilled with my boyfriend, until I found him passed out, covered in spilled beer and piss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 441

You deserved it 182