Nearly FMLs

By vjfrost - 25/02/2016 05:34 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, for my boyfriends birthday I got him a game for is Xbox 360 that cost $60. Working a job that pays me 7.35 an hour it's a lot for me to get. Opening his gifts turns out his mom got him an Xbox one and the same game. FML..

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By scarredforlife - 25/02/2016 05:17 - United States - San Jose

Today, I walked in on my parents using a sex toy. The same sex toy that my boyfriend and I bought, and had been hiding in my closet. Sure enough when I checked my closet, it wasn't there... FML.

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By JordoSmitho - 25/02/2016 05:15 - United States

Today, I was masturbating. When I reached my climax my toes crinkled. One of my toes are still this way. It's been 4 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 25/02/2016 05:12 - United States - Waterford

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By Ohgodwhy - 25/02/2016 05:07 - United States

Today, while out on a date with a guy I really liked, things turned heated. I treated him to a little below the belt action. Or tried to, at least, because I took him a bit too deep and projectile vomited lukewarm, slobbery cum, as well as the dinner we just had, straight back on to his penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By ruined the party - 25/02/2016 05:04

Today, I was at my 7 year old cousin's birthday party. They brought out the piñata and blindfold, and when it was my turn to take a swing, I whacked my cousin in the head with a plastic bat, very intensely. He bled on the spot and I haven't seen him since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By bob8462 - 25/02/2016 05:02 - United States - Durango

Today, something was bothering me in the nether regions. I removed a black head hair from my underwear. My hair is red. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By user2499 - 25/02/2016 04:57 - United States - Downingtown

Today, my parents were the only one who acknowledged my birthday. My best friend knew, but refused to acknowledge my existence because "I don't deserve it". Apparently the whole rest of the world felt the same way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By dezy3021 - 25/02/2016 04:52 - United States - Utica

Today, my ex-girlfriend threatened to kill herself if I don't take her back. She does this all the time and the worst part is she always breaks up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Adorkable9999 - 25/02/2016 04:49 - United States - Irving

Today, was the worst day of my life, I lost my job, my parents are getting divorced, my dog ran away, my grandma died, I broke my arm, and my boyfriend decided to break up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By sad Prince - 25/02/2016 04:46 - United States - Hialeah

lately my wife of 3 years has been complaining that I haven't been spending enough time with her and that it must be bc I have another girl in my life. so I came home from work early to take her out to eat only to find her naked in another man's arm's while my daughter laid in her crib crying.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By hairwasdownthemiddleofmyback - 25/02/2016 04:44 - United States - Greensboro

Today, I got a trim. My stylist cut my ends, noticed they were uneven and attempted to fix it. After 3 tries she said it was finished. Turns out the back is extremely uneven at all different lengths. The only way to fix it is to cut it to a pixie. My sister thinks it's hilarious.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 25/02/2016 04:41 - United States - Daly City

Today, I found out I got an F on a test that I spent my entire weekend studying for. My friend who didn't study got an A and won't stop rubbing it in my face. My grade dropped a whole letter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By anonymous editor - 25/02/2016 04:33 - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, I told my husband I was leaving with our kids if he didn't stop playing video games, and start paying attention to us. He ignored the threat because he was busy getting a high score on his game. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By HylianBadger - 25/02/2016 04:26 - United States

Today, a guy at work asked me out on a date, even though he knows I'm happily married. After I reminded him of this and politely declined his offer, I clocked out to find my tires slashed and "Teasing whore!" keyed on my car. I work until 2:30am, and it'll take my husband an hour to come get me. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By fired - 25/02/2016 04:26 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, my boss asked me to write him a business proposal. Despite not having written one before, I agreed to, knowing it is a one page document. He then called me up and corrected himself to a "business plan". That's a 30 page document, and he needs it in 4 hours. Help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By cutie.patootie.13 - 25/02/2016 04:25 - United States - Hagerstown

Today, I was giving my husband a blow job when he farted in my face. It smelled like something died. I tasted it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By tired and bleeding - 25/02/2016 04:24 - United States - Toledo

Today, I was sleeping in bed with my dog I got up to get a drink and came back to my dog sprawled out on my bed. I carefully tried to move him and he bit me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By anonymous - 25/02/2016 04:22 - United States - Fuquay Varina

Today, my husband asked me for a divorce through text message. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By For the love of the job - 25/02/2016 04:15 - United States - Brandon

Today, a guy called me at work to chat me up. GREAT! Unfortunately, he's a prosecutor and I work at a criminal defense law firm. I'll get fired if I entertain this man in anyway. I was dumped 4 months ago and my love life has been slow. Now this and I can't have it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By maitg - 25/02/2016 04:13 - Canada - Newmarket

Today, I was told to stop calling a suicide hotline because I was "prank calling" them, why did they think this? Because I "called them multiple times"... I only called them once, FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By didn't read directions - 25/02/2016 04:09 - United States - Tampa

Today, I disassembled one of my $150 folding knives for maintainance. My roommate knocked over my desk, and everything went flying. I found all the pieces except the small spring that allows the knife to function properly. Its in this room, and cannot be more than 5' away from me. Fuck my life.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By kaitie813 - 25/02/2016 04:07 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, I threw up on my husband as I was blowing him and he was almost cumming. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By AkiAnime - 25/02/2016 03:58 - United States - Boardman

Today, I was pulling my headphones out of my backpack during class. Just as I pulled my hand out my bag, a huge, unwrapped, super absorbent tampon fell out onto the floor. My crush, who sits right in front of me, definitely saw me spastically trying to pick it up and dropping it over and over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By sammib - 25/02/2016 03:58 - Australia - Sydney

Today I wanted to renew my passport after being told my photo was damaged and i needed a new one, turns out they finally realised it was a wrinkle on my face. I also now need to apply for a new birth certificate as my original "the paper is too old to copy correctly" - i am only 39... FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By anonymous - 25/02/2016 03:45 - United States - Tulsa

Today, I went to the doctor. Expecting to just talk and get my medicine to get better. Instead of being simple like I thought, I had to get a steroid shot on my butt cheek. I have an intense phobia of needles in the first place. I saw the needle,turned white, passed out face first on the floor.FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By tantanpanda - 25/02/2016 03:35 - United States - Houston

Today, several news trucks have been set up on my university campus. Why? They're getting ready to film the Republican debate that's going to happen tomorrow at one of the most diverse campuses in the nation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Faily_tail - 25/02/2016 03:13 - United States - Flower Mound

Today, I caught my shitlord of a boyfriend cheating on me with my best friend. That wouldn't be so bad, but it turns out, she's been telling me what my boyfriend likes but it's really what he hates. She's been lying to me about my boyfriend all my life when I ask for advice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By kylorenkilledbysonjohncena - 25/02/2016 03:11 - United States - Moorhead

Today, at school, I saw my ex-boyfriend fall down some stairs. Mockingly I shouted "Ha! You fell down the stairs, asshole!" He replied with "Just like your life did." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 2

By OneOnJuanAction - 25/02/2016 03:06 - United States - Glastonbury

Today, I cut myself between my middle finger and the fingernail. Not because of the knife lab I was doing in class, but when I reached for my folder after the lab was done, I cut it on the rim of my folder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

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The Top

Today, my father decided that since he's paying for my flat, he will use it twice a week to have it off with his girlfriend while I'm away. My parents are still together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 068

You deserved it 2 573

Today, after having tried for months to get a promotion at work, I finally had an interview for a higher position. Everything went great, and I was told I would get a call next week for my second interview. I went back to my desk, only to get an email stating they're canceling the position. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 897

You deserved it 1 606

Today, I was told by my boyfriend of 12 years that he wants to break up. He wants to be free to follow his "MGTOW beliefs." I had to look up what it meant. What am I supposed to tell our 2 little boys? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 733

You deserved it 251

Today, I was filling out an application for a job at a local pet store. At the end of it, they wanted a paragraph about any pets I had. After a while, I found myself finishing a 3-page essay about them. That's the longest essay I've ever written. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 289

You deserved it 537

Today, I got hit by a car walking to work. My first thought wasn't to call 911 or my husband, but to call work to let them know I wouldn't be able to make it in for my shift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 044

You deserved it 127

Today, I got ready for work half-asleep, grabbed my coffee, and walked out the door. It wasn’t until I was in the elevator that I realized I was also holding the TV remote instead of my phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 318

You deserved it 197