Nearly FML

By FriendvsFood - 25/02/2016 21:45 - United States - Papillion

Today, my mom made fun of me for crying because my best friend died. She cried earlier because her Pizza Rolls weren't cooked enough.

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By pillowmountain - 25/02/2016 21:43 - United States - Columbia

Today, I returned to school after recovering from a corrective spinal surgery. Guess who got a welcoming pat on the back from the principal FML

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By stp9782 - 25/02/2016 21:42 - United States - Phoenix

Today, my parents wouldn't take me to an urgent care despite my ribs hurting when I eat, sit or touch them at all FML

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By unbelievable - 25/02/2016 21:40 - United States - Washington

Today, I had an ex-coworker call me at work and threaten me. I am now sitting in the magistrate's office to get a protection order and I'm scared to go back to work tomorrow. FML

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By Anon - 25/02/2016 21:26 - United States - Mount Prospect

Today, I was hanging out with my best friend and his girlfriend came along. It turns out she was attracted to me and ended up breaking up with him to go out with me, when I told her I wouldn't she called me an asshole and stormed off. Now my friend won't talk to me either, what the fuck? FML.

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By Anonymous - 25/02/2016 21:22 - United States - Bedminster

Today, my calculus teacher fined me $2 for complaining about logarithms. Since I knew about the rule I would have been fine with it had I not been in the cafeteria instead of his class. FML.

agreeclassic 1

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By Todd - 25/02/2016 21:22 - United States - Saint Louis

Today, my gay roommate mentioned he was going on a date with the "hottest guy he's ever met". This guy just happened to be my identical twin brother. FML

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By I-Miss-My-Hamster - 25/02/2016 21:19 - Belgium - Gent

Today, I got a lovely birthday card with a hamster wishing me many more years. This would've made me cry with happiness rather than tears, had my actual hamster not died this very same morning. FML.

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By Anonymous - 25/02/2016 21:16 - Netherlands

Today, my in-laws asked me to go on vacation to Turkey with them, although I'd have to pay everything myself. I was still thinking about it when my boyfriend happily told me a few weeks later they had already booked. To Ibiza. Without me. FML

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By anonymous - 25/02/2016 21:15 - United States - Hialeah

Today,i ate a pepper at school. My friend had told me it was a normal pepper and that it was fine,the second i took a bite my whole mouth started to burn. It turns out the pepper he gave me was the second hottest pepper in the world. FML

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By bloobalooby - 25/02/2016 20:57 - United States

Today, after weeks of taking the bus, I drove my car to school. I took the bus home. FML

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By AIDS - 25/02/2016 20:51 - United States - Omaha

Today, I got an std from a girl who said it was her first time. FML

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By Fmyacademiclife - 25/02/2016 20:38 - Canada - Kitchener

Today, I met with a former professor to discuss options for taking my successful professional career to the next level. The first thing he said to me was, "I'm so glad that you're doing well and still practicing. You graduated dead last in your class and the faculty wanted to fail you." FML

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By Rawl7rK1 - 25/02/2016 20:35 - United States

Today, I found out that both of my pay checks were sent my directly to my house in California. This would be a good thing if I wasn't working in New Mexico for the next 8 months. FML.

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By ananicosia - 25/02/2016 20:32 - United States - Middletown

Today, my boyfriend asked me to meow during sex, then he barked. FML

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By viola - 25/02/2016 20:30 - United States - Atlanta

Today, I was teaching my senior orchestra class, when I announced it was my last day one of my students handed me a "present". The present was a cd and he told me to play it when I got home because it was a surprise. It was a video of him violently jerking off. His dick was the size of a battery

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By partyanimals - 25/02/2016 20:27 - United States - Los Gatos

Today, the roles were reversed when my parents threw a "crazy party" while my boyfriend and I went out. They trashed the entire place including me room. FML.

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By mikki_arlert - 25/02/2016 20:26 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, my teacher asked our psychology class what the most sensitive part of the body was. Instead of muttering it like I ought to, I yelled "PENIS!" in front of my whole class. Everybody laughed at me. FML

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By homeless with a nice fridge - 25/02/2016 20:25 - United Kingdom - Heywood

Today, I bought all the furniture and appliances for my new house at a total of $4000+. I also got a phone call to let me know the house I bought was no longer for sale. FML.

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By fuckyoudad - 25/02/2016 20:01 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I came home froom school and found out that my dad had gotten rid of our puppy. Apparently he only got her to "help score some pussy" and now that he has a girlfriend he decided he doesn't need the dog anymore. FML

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By Technerd42 - 25/02/2016 19:58 - United States - Summerfield

Today, I was watching a show with my husband. We were talking about one of the actresses and we looked her up online. After I pointed out that she and I were born the same year, he looked over at me and said, "wow, she doesn't look as old as you."

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By SolarLunix - 25/02/2016 19:56 - United Kingdom - Coleraine

Today, we went swimming on the doctors advice to de-stress. Five laps and a little floating later we decide to get changed to go home. No sooner am I dressed, a lifeguard comes to get me saying my husband is extremely sick (vomiting and shaking badly). Guess who has to go back to see the doctor? FML

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By Afroman720 - 25/02/2016 19:54 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, I managed to clog the only working toilet in a bathroom at school. There was a waiting line outside of the stall. I didn't run away fast enough to avoid hearing the "GOD DAMMIT WHY" that came out of the next person to try to use it. I have class with that person. FML

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By AccidentalMess17 - 25/02/2016 19:16 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was skyping with my now ex-boyfriend. He had taken a trip to France a few weeks back. Well he told me today that while on his trip to France, he realized he had no feelings for me anymore, and that he had sex with a girl there. Then he told me he also started to smoke pot again. FML

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By Chicolita - 25/02/2016 19:03 - United Kingdom - Leeds

Today, my crush asked me out. This would have been amazing, except after I said yes, he called to his friends 'Shit guys, she said yes!' It was a dare.

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By Jbheller - 25/02/2016 18:58 - United States

Today, at the same hospital, my wife gave birth to our daughter while my girlfriend gave birth to our son. FML.

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By Unlucky no.1 - 25/02/2016 18:57 - Canada - Hamilton

Today,I found out that my brother is the father of my son. FML

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By asian_problems - 25/02/2016 18:56 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I was out walking when a white girl walked up to me and asked if I was Chinese which I am, then proceeded to say Ching Chang Chong. she then proceeded to leave with her friend explaining to her that it meant hi in Japanese. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/02/2016 18:44 - Canada - Trenton

Today, I warned my landlord about a scam going around. He responded by saying perhaps I should find somewhere else to live if I'm going to be in his business. FML

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By Shafro_0 - 25/02/2016 18:35 - United Kingdom - Leicester

Today, I went to see my therapist to ask if I could get any extra help with my depression as it's getting out of hand. She resulted in saying no because other people deserve it more than me as apparently I'm faking it. I've been going to their services for over 2 years. Thanks for the support. FML

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

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Today, I was chatting with a guy on a dating site. He accused me of being a liar and trying to catfish him after I told him I like my steak medium-rare. According to him, that can’t possibly be true because black people only eat their steaks well done. No exceptions. What an idiot. FML

agreeclassic 2 189

vote type 1 252

Today, after talking to a girl for a little over a month, and both of us saying we liked each other and FaceTiming each other for multiple hours each day, she told me I’m “too easy to talk to” and friendzoned me. FML

agreeclassic 823

vote type 1 153

Today, my country isn’t exactly cold, but with our house being what it is, the only difference in summer is that you can actually turn off the heating, and if you’re lucky, you still won’t need to wear long underwear inside. Much. FML

agreeclassic 793

vote type 1 138

Today, my car window got smashed, because someone somehow confused the doll my daughter always leaves strapped into a carseat for an actual kid. It's a cabbage patch kid. FML

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Today, I went to Uni. I woke up at six and got to the station as the train was leaving. I was congratulating myself on my brilliant skill when, as we passed the carpark, I saw I had left my headlights on. It later cost more for the lead to jump start my car than it would have to drive to Uni myself. FML

agreeclassic 19 639

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Today, I felt frisky, so I went over to my boyfriend's place, hoping to have some fun. I brought over a movie, and part-way through it, I started feeling him up. He responded by sighing, "That's really fucking annoying, babe. Cut it out, yeah?" FML

agreeclassic 42 729

vote type 1 9 316