Nearly FML

By almostgraduated - 25/02/2016 13:26 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, I got a letter from my car insurance company saying I didn't renew my licence and my licence will be suspended if I don't pay by a certain date. A) I never got the renewal letter that tells me when to pay B) the date I had to pay by? Yesterday. FML.

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By DarkCvengence - 25/02/2016 13:23 - United States - San Francisco

Today, My family went to Paris Island to see my brother in boot camp and we were all very ecstatic about seeing him I went to run up and hug him from being and he got scared grabbed my arm and flung me over his shoulder onto the ground giving me a concussion and a dislocated shoulder FML

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By IamHM - 25/02/2016 12:51 - United States - Albuquerque

Today I walked underneath some trees on my way to an important meeting. The birds decided to pick that time to bombard me. My bosses saw it all and couldn't stop laughing. FML

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By Cheezpop - 25/02/2016 12:17 - Norway - Trondheim

Today, I was at the hospital and was diagnosed with Langer hals cells skeletal disease, the doctors didn't tell me, all they said was "you have cancer". FML

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By karmas victim - 25/02/2016 12:16 - United Kingdom - Nottingham

Today, I returned to work after cheekily taking 3 sick days because just 1 would be suspicious for a fake cold. But after 3 days of relaxation, I'm now at work and I get hit with a case of the shits! FML

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By Anonymous - 25/02/2016 11:41 - Australia - Melbourne

Today I had a sleepover with a friend. It was dark and I was tired so I ended up telling my friend that I had crush on one of my guy-friends. Only after I remembered he was the one I was having the sleepover with. FML.

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By me - 25/02/2016 11:22 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I played my first basketball match, and I have already broken my leg. FML

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By bribri_xoxo - 25/02/2016 11:12 - Australia - West End

Today, I was talking to my teacher. I was taking a sip from my water bottle while my teacher was explaining an assignment. Suddenly a ball hit me on the back of my head and I spat all my water out.... On my teacher....FML...

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By Honey - 25/02/2016 10:58 - Australia - Gold Coast

Today, a girl I work with was fired for committing fraud. We get incentives like online gift cards if we do well and she used hers to buy an in store gift card. Apparently this is against policy... FML

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By Indythedefender - 25/02/2016 10:57 - United States - Raleigh

Today, a student at the school I go to insisted that white people aren't allowed to talk about slavery because "It's their fucking fault." My family wasn't even in the US until the 1980s. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/02/2016 10:31 - Australia - Grovedale

Today, I turned 33. While out for dinner my daughter peed in the restaurant playground, and my sister had an anxiety attack in the toilet. I had a cold dinner. FML.

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By Savreth - 25/02/2016 10:24 - United States - Lawrenceville

Today, after working out for a week, I felt proud enough to tell my boyfriend. the first thing he did was ask for a picture of my butt. FML

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By NotATeacher - 25/02/2016 10:14 - Australia - Perth

Today, I found out some random had created a profile for me on ratemyteacher and someone else commented I'm scary and creep them out. I'm not a teacher. FML

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By ShittingPretty - 25/02/2016 09:53 - United States - Waterville

Today, I made a chicken sandwich before bed. As luck would have it, something wasn't good anymore and I'm tethered to the toilet with a mop bucket and can't go more than a minute without expelling the contents of my body. I have an important project at work and exams in school today. FML.

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By anonymous - 25/02/2016 08:35 - United Kingdom

Today, I had a severe migraine so I called my supervisor at work and told her I couldn't come in, then I went back to sleep. All was good until my manager started ringing my door shouting I get dressed so she could take me to work.. Guess the supervisor didn't mention my migraine. FML.

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By Anonymous - 25/02/2016 08:30 - United States - Portland

Today, I got asked by a woman at the public pool if I was pregnant. No, my stomach just isn't flat enough apparently. FML

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By sexless marriage - 25/02/2016 08:16 - United States - Rapid City

Today, my husband still doesn't want to have sex with me. It's been 6 months since anything sexual has happened. He says it's because he's too busy. He plays video games instead. FML.

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By mrsjeepracer - 25/02/2016 08:13 - United States - Chico

Today, me and my boyfriend haven't had sex in almost a month. It's getting to the point were I dream about masturbating and not sex.... FML

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By biboy - 25/02/2016 08:13 - United States - Seattle

Today, I found out that my abandonment issues reached a new low when I wanted to get back together with my ex. The same ex who cut up my face and hands when I called him out on hiding our relationship from his religious parents. FML.

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By strangelightning - 25/02/2016 08:08 - Pakistan - Lahore

Today, I was going to put my hair in the straightener but ended up putting my hand there instead. Fml

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By Anonymous - 25/02/2016 08:01 - United States - Hamilton

Today I was so sleep deprived that I made my kids bowls of Coco wheats for breakfast, and then promptly applied dish soap to each bowl, sundae syrup style. The school bus was due in 5 minutes. Fml

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By bloobalooby - 25/02/2016 07:58 - United States - North Las Vegas

Today, I was hanging out with my boyfriend. We had gotten some donuts and we were in his car. He reached for my leg, like always, but moved his hand when I went to hold it. He said "Uh, babe, I was reaching for the donuts." FML

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By stephideal2531 - 25/02/2016 07:03 - United States - Kansas City

Today, my fiancé was in the mood. I told him that I would just satisfy him without sex because I was on my period. He persevered and we ended up having sex anyway. When he was finished, he was mad and disgusted with me because there was some menstrual blood on him and it was all my fault. FML.

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By don't-blame-the-cat - 25/02/2016 07:03 - United States - Lexington

Today, I walked into my shared (and very small) apt with my long-term gf, to a horrendous smell. I searched everywhere but couldn't locate the source. That is till I found a very obvious shit-show of human fecal matter all in our cats litter box. Her response when I called her out? "Outta TP" FML

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By Oopsie - 25/02/2016 06:44 - United States - Kenosha

Today, I was test driving a truck. All was going well up until I pulled into his driveway and the brakes failed. I hit his garage and car because he didn't tell me about the brakes and how to get them working again. FML

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By nadicat - 25/02/2016 06:35 - United States - Franklin

Today, it's the third day of my boyfriend giving me the silent treatment. He asked me to be his girlfriend three and a half days ago. Still, this is the longest "official" relationship I've had since October of 2013 FML

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By AlexxGhost - 25/02/2016 06:14 - United States

Today, for the second time this month, I sliced open my butt cheek by sitting on my razor while taking a bath. I had to get stitches. FML

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By dcobb0551 - 25/02/2016 06:12 - United States - Forest City

Today, when my Spanish teacher handed our worksheets back, I had a 50, and an African American girl whom I am friends with had a 90. I compared, our answers were the same. I confronted the teacher about it, she said "Black grades matter." My grade stays. FML.

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By meghanclean - 25/02/2016 05:43 - United States - Leander

Today, my infant daughter had to get her shots. I fainted. FML

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By Owww - 25/02/2016 05:41 - United States - West Jordan

Today, I coughed so hard that my episiotomy stitches from childbirth tore. FML

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Today, I found out the truth about my and my siblings adoptions and why I have no contact with any extended family. Turns out our parents are half-siblings, who decided to adopt rather than risk any genetic anomalies. Their families didn’t approve of the relationship so they moved us far away. FML

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Today, my roommate informed me that one of her scorpions is loose in our apartment again. Great. FML

agreeclassic 35 524

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Today, I failed my driving test before even leaving the DMV parking lot. FML

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Today, it's the first evening that my husband and I will have without the kids in 8 months. We had been looking forward to it for ages, and my husband had even bought me some lovely new lingerie for the occasion. Guess what? I just got diarrhea. FML

agreeclassic 42 359

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Today, after expressing some of my reservations about the amount of work I have to do to accomplish my thesis on time, my graduate advisor compared my search for knowledge to Tom Hanks's odyssey in the movie "Castaway". FML

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Today, I sold my wife's old car because I bought her a newer and nicer one. On the way back home from the sale, the transmission went out in her new one. FML

agreeclassic 2 177

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