Nearly FMLs

By Kaoticwolf - 24/02/2016 19:44 - United States

Today,I have constipation problems and my dad puts my laxatives in each morning he felt rather generous today and gave me 3x the amount i normally get,my art teacher is asking me if im okay from the hall.FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 24/02/2016 19:42 - Canada - Calgary

Today my girlfriend dumped me for working to much. I have only been working at this job for two weeks and this comes after she has been pushing me to find a job for months. So much for being a productive member of society. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By IHateJOL - 24/02/2016 19:41 - United States - Providence

Today, for my first offense speeding, I get a 90 day license suspension, a road rage and an attitude readjustment program, a $500 reinstatement fee, a written test, and I have to retake my road test. I sped because I had to pee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By Badluckolsen - 24/02/2016 19:22 - United States - Columbia

Today, I left my kid with a babysitter from a website online. When I came home, the sitter was no where to be found, and neither was 120$ that was hidden in my room. My kid had also pissed everywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By bagelbaron - 24/02/2016 19:11 - United States - New York

Today, In my electrical class we were just putting finishing touches up on the electrical car that has been being constructed for the past three years... It blew up.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By pleasedontfireme - 24/02/2016 19:06 - United States - Decatur

Today, I had the unfortunate experience of food poisoning and morning sickness, while being home alone. I was starving, but couldn't keep anything down. But hey, at least I had my golden retriever to pat me on the back while I was worshipping the porcelain throne. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 24/02/2016 19:00 - United States - Nashville

Today, I was fucking my girlfriend. I thought my parents were at the store. They came home, saw what I was doing, called her parents, and we had to have a long talk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By MichiganGirl1995 - 24/02/2016 18:56 - United States - Muskegon

Today, I was at the grocery store and I had to use the bathroom really bad. So I ran as fast I could to the nearest bathroom. it wasn't until I was done, I noticed I went into the Men's bathroom. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By laxbro98 - 24/02/2016 18:49 - United States - San Francisco

Recently, I found out the group of guys I was hanging out with were using me for money, so I tried to break away from them. Before anyone asked me what happened, they spread a rumor that I tried to steal two of their girlfriends. Now I'm known as that asshole throughout the entire school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Mr. X - 24/02/2016 18:42 - United States - Southborough

Today, I screwed my friend's sister. After finding out, he punched me in the face, and told me that she was his fuck-buddy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 24/02/2016 18:40 - United States - Norton

Today, I woke up from a night of drinking. As if the hangover wasn't bad enough, I remembered kissing my best friend of 5 years last night. Turns out, we both liked it. That would be great if we didn't both have boyfriends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By wolf12king - 24/02/2016 18:40 - United States - Portland

Today, the friends of the girl I recently asked out asked for me to come out of class and since class didn't start yet I went out. They asked me not to rape her. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By bleh - 24/02/2016 18:37 - United States - Spokane

Today, a guy I ignore asked me why I hate him so much. Apparently, he forgot about hitting me in the head with the leg of a chair 23 times during first semester saying "Sorry I didn't see you there, you're just too short," I'm5'3, and there was a girl that was shorter than me who sat next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 24/02/2016 18:35 - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Today, whilst at work I responded to the alarm barrier going off and stopped someone from leaving. As I took the shampoo she stole out of her back I realised what she was doing. She was wiping her arse after shitting herself and throwing the wipes in my shop entrance. I had to pick them up.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By shannonmarie38 - 24/02/2016 18:28 - United States - Washington

Today, I received a call from an agent who was inquiring why he didn't receive commissions for a policy. After 56 minutes, I finally got him off the phone & went on my lunch break. When I got back to my desk after heating my meal, I saw I had a voicemail. A coworker informed me he called back. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By fatcatbath - 24/02/2016 18:23 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, my fat cat has again done his business in the bathtub. He began doing this as an act of revenge for his "stale" food when I fill his bowl or when I cut back on the amount I feed him to help him lose weight and prevent food from going stale. I flushed his poop, which clogged the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By adminhell - 24/02/2016 18:14 - United States - Lake Havasu City

Today, my boss threatened to fire me because I haven't been doing some of the tasks in my job. I've been here for 6 months and I still haven't been trained at all, so I had no idea I was supposed to be doing them.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By mliajkfml - 24/02/2016 18:10 - United States

Today, because of it being the first time in months I got to see my girlfriend, we were going to get some sexy time. When I asked what we'd do since we don't have condoms, she replied, "Don't worry, your dick's not long enough to get me pregnant" What's worse, her logic or her insult? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Dipsy607 - 24/02/2016 18:00 - Ireland

Today, my dog got out of the house while I was out. I saw her running through the town and had to abruptly leave an interview for a promising job to stop her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By pzzanon - 24/02/2016 17:58 - United States - Oregon

Today, my beautician thought my lashes were fake and tried removing them before she applied new ones.. I wasn't wearing fakes.. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By SunDevil53 - 24/02/2016 17:49 - United States

Today, I found out that standing on a lift at its full extension isn't the best place to be when an earthquake hits. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By moxiinterstellar - 24/02/2016 17:40 - United Kingdom - Leeds

Today, after having already completed and submitted an application for a full studentship a month ago that my supervisor assured me I had an excellent chance for, I was informed that the requirements had just changed and I was no longer eligible due to being an international student. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By DailyWTF - 24/02/2016 17:21 - United States - Westerville

Today, after days of trying to explain how the Google search engine works to my grandparents, they eventually got the hang of it until my grandma decided to download a file carrying a virus that she said "guaranteed" her a free iPad. Worst part is I payed for the laptop and now it doesn't work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By bruuuh95 - 24/02/2016 17:13 - United States - Port Charlotte

Today, my fiance decided it would be funny to make our dog hump me.. It may have been if that wasn't the most action I've had in 2 weeks. fml

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Bad management - 24/02/2016 17:12 - United States - Dunn

Today, I had to call out of work to take care of my younger brother and sister because the weather is going to be really bad, my boss says "glad to know they're more important", and hangs up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Crybaby - 24/02/2016 17:05 - United Kingdom - Soham

Today, I was walking down the street when a couple of little kids started making fun of my appearance. I'm a full grown adult, yet I still burst into tears. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By DailyWTF - 24/02/2016 17:01 - United States - Westerville

Today, after months of convincing my parents to buy me a car, they finally decided to buy me one for my birthday. They put a blindfold on me, took me outside and showed me my brand new fisher-price toy car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By hoppityscotchy - 24/02/2016 16:44 - United States

Today, I've taken to masturbating every time I get the chance, because my boyfriend won't have sex with me because he feels "too pressured" to do so. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By DailyWTF - 24/02/2016 16:44 - United States - Huron

Today, I found a small ladybug in my breadsticks that I got from a local restaurant. After getting up from my table and confronting the manager, he insists that I put the bug there just to get something in return. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By anonymous - 24/02/2016 16:43 - United States

Today, I woke up to see only half of my favorite skateboard on the ground. When I called my boyfriend and told him, he said " go through your messages." Apparently, I got messed up on "motrin" that a friend gave me, I stole ice cream and chocolate from a store, and threw my board in the street. For no reason. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, my girlfriend tried to convince me that she never takes dumps. I told her that as long as she eats, it's a biological impossibility, but she seems to have genuinely deluded herself into thinking it's true, purely because she is a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 206

You deserved it 3 304

Today, I was really excited to get a new bank account in my name. My parents wanted me to have it so they could transfer money from mine to theirs and vice versa. What excited me less was my father drunkenly accessing it and taking all my cash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 221

You deserved it 4 443

Today, my boss told me that he is really getting scared of Covid-19. He's too cheap for tests. His solution? He'll work from home for 2 weeks while I meet with all employees 1-1. If I don’t get sick, he'll feel OK coming back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 585

You deserved it 135

Today, I realized that the only human being I have talked to in the last three days is the guy at the drive thru. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 921

You deserved it 16 238

Today, while studying for a big test at the library, some idiots started playing hide-and-seek. After putting up with their snorting and giggling for nearly an hour, I finally lost my shit and told them to knock it off. I then got kicked out for causing a disturbance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 882

You deserved it 3 999

Today, I tripped and fell, and didn’t realize my tank top strap broke. I walked around with my boob out for a solid 3 minutes in PUBLIC until my friend ran up behind me and yanked my tank top back up. He found it funny, and apparently everyone else got a great view. Talk about embarrassing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 246

You deserved it 378