Nearly FMLs

By Likes My Job - 25/02/2016 03:02 - United States - Portland

Today, the really hot girl at my work started doing lunges while mid-conversation with me. She saw me looking and kept doing it. She is the owner's daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Han Solo - 25/02/2016 02:52 - United States - San Antonio

Today, my husband compared my vagina to "Chewbacca". FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 25/02/2016 02:45 - United States - Tulare

Today, I finally felt ok about my decision not to tell my best friend about my crush on her because she lives two states away and I know she's leery about long-distance relationships. Then I got her message telling me about her new girlfriend...who she met online and who lives across the globe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By I promise I live there - 25/02/2016 02:36 - United States - Arlington

Today, I am moving out of state and need to switch online schools. In order to submit an application, I need proof of residency...which I don't have because I literally just started renting my apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By crushed - 25/02/2016 02:30 - United States - West Springfield

Today, my long term crush pulled me aside and said "you know you might be kinda pretty if you gained weight" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By sj - 25/02/2016 02:28 - United States - Clemmons

Today, I'm less than a week on my new antidepressants. My doctor switched my meds to see if the overwhelming heart palpitations would go away. So far, so good on that front, but I've been waking up more exhausted than I went to bed and I didn't even make it to class today. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By PhoebeBuffett - 25/02/2016 02:17 - United States - Aliso Viejo

Today, I remembered that I had replaced my school counsellor's name with "Satan" on my class schedule, and then that I turned that schedule into the front office to get a free period sticker. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 25/02/2016 02:00 - United States - Hickory

Today, we were in a tornado warning. We had to get in tornado positions in the halls at school. We sat there with our asses in the air for an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Sandsh8rk - 25/02/2016 01:59 - Australia

Today, whilst finalising an assignment at uni, our extremely controlling group leader had a screaming rage at me and cut my only part from our presentation. Why? Because of the way I 'swung my arms'. The assignment is peer marked, and he's refusing to listen to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By tsubaki7 - 25/02/2016 01:52

Today, I took a nap, but when I woke up it was in a puddle of milk. Im lactating so much it went through the pads, my thick nursing bra, the t-shirt I was wearing, and a towel. Now my bed smells like sweat and milk. My boyfriend wasn't happy because he woke up in it too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By R.I.P Internet - 25/02/2016 01:48 - United States - Houston

Today, my mom took away the Internet router and asked me to apply for jobs to get it back, all the jobs I want to apply for you need to apply online, FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By gay - 25/02/2016 01:47 - United States - Tucson

Today, I came out as gay to my stepdad. He asked if I'd ever had experience with another guy, and I thought he was going to ridicule me when I said no. Instead, he said, "Wanna practice on me?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By hurts like hell - 25/02/2016 01:37 - United States - Tucson

Today, my teenage stepson kicked me in the balls just because I told him that I couldn't pay for a new Xbox for him. His three younger siblings saw him do it, thought it was funny, and all ran up and kicked me in the balls too. All three of them are soccer players. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By Whoopsies - 25/02/2016 01:35 - United States - Ankeny

Today, I got to thinking about my drunken hookup I had on Saturday. Um, where did my tampon go? I checked, and pulled out not one, not two, but THREE tampons. I haven't put one in since Saturday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 25/02/2016 01:32 - United States - Elizabethtown

Today, I realized that the gym shirt I wear almost everyday is completely see-through. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By MetalMouth - 25/02/2016 01:21 - United States - Canby

Today, I had to get braces for a second time only because my Orthodontist screwed up and misdiagnosed my tongue thrust. I have to get my tonsils removed in a month to help the issue, FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Humaned - 25/02/2016 01:13 - Curacao - Willemstad

Today, my grandma put a lot of miniature pieces of chicken in the dinner. I'm vegetarian. And now I also have a horrible stomachache. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Tag - 25/02/2016 01:04 - Australia - Redbank

Today, I got back from three day trip, that involved 22 hours driving, to say goodbye to my dying father. I called to say I had arrived home safety. He doesn't remember my visit. At all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By KyoshiroT - 25/02/2016 00:57 - Canada - Saskatoon

Today, my teacher told all of us in the classroom that our homework is due. We didn't have it complete due to the fact she didn't send out an e-mail regarding the due date. It was assigned yesterday and was an essay. All of us had to stay after class to finish it, in which took us several hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By pregnantfatty - 25/02/2016 00:48 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I'm an exclusively pumping mom as my son won't latch at the breast. I've been wondering if I have an oversupply issue, and today I got my answer. While visiting my former place of work, I got so engorged I leaked through two sets of nursing pads, a nursing cami, and a t-shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By sick of teaching - 25/02/2016 00:44 - United States - Hopewell Junction

Today, a student I banned from my class for being extremely disruptive for several weeks showed up to my class with a fake mustache on. When I told him to leave, he argued he had no idea what I was talking about. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Badluckolsen - 25/02/2016 00:30 - United States - Columbia

Today, my boyfriend said that my titties are so small, they could be mistaken for mosquito bites. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By TrumpPhobic - 24/02/2016 23:45 - United States - Newark

Today, I had to write an essay about why Donald Trump should be president. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 24/02/2016 23:40 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I realized how much I'm learning about sex on FML. The worst part? I learned more about sex on FML than in sex ed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By fedthefuckupwiththisshit - 24/02/2016 23:31 - United States - Golden

Today, I learned despite the fact that my ex broke my heart and is now dating someone else less than a month after our five month relationship ended, she thinks I'm stalking her all because of the fact I want to have access to the library where she happens to work. The only one on campus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By scarred - 24/02/2016 23:30 - United States - Los Gatos

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to go to the store to buy some sex toys. Little did we know my parents had the same idea too... FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By What - 24/02/2016 23:12 - United States - Lake City

Today, I was accused of sabotaging a birthday by deliberately being sick. My own birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By brainbleach - 24/02/2016 23:04 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I lent my father my phone for a few hours because his was broken. He used it to watch porn. He must have forgotten to delete the search history, because I now know that he is into BDSM and Japanese women. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By BracesGirl - 24/02/2016 23:03 - United States

Today, the kid that sits next to me in band told me that I should brush my teeth more often. I was surprised, because I brush my teeth twice a day, floss three times a week, and don't drink coffee or soda. I told him this, and he said, "well, you must brush your teeth with mud then." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By i neverwin - 24/02/2016 23:01 - United States - Fairfax

Today I was accused of cheating by teacher on a Calculus test, her reasoning was "Theres no way you could have gotten that high if a score!". I didn't cheat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, it's my mom's birthday. Got the perfect gift, the perfect card and of course the perfect cake. Well, it was the perfect cake until my dog's ass crushed it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 960

You deserved it 4 482

Today, while sharing my screen with our tech guy at work, I forgot he was there and opened Facetime to pick a zit on my chin. After going in for the squeeze, I horrifyingly remembered he could see everything and quickly closed it. After a few seconds, he said, "Did you get it?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 857

You deserved it 2 912

Today, I found out that my soon-to-be ex-wife had installed a Ring front door camera. The way I found out was when the PowerPoint presentation I was supposed to present at work started with the footage of me taking my girlfriend to the house when my wife wasn’t around. The next slide said, “Call your lawyer.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 70

You deserved it 1 741

Today, I went to Victoria's Secret to get fitted for a new bra since mine weren't fitting properly. To my amazement, I wasn't a 32A, but a 32AA. I might as well have craters on my chest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 361

You deserved it 5 364

Today, I found out that my new roommate got kicked out of his old house because he pulled a gun on his old roommates and threatened them. The reason? They nagged him about dishes he left in the sink. Well, only 10 months left on the lease. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 891

You deserved it 3 375

Today, I was taking a selfie in a café because the lighting was perfect. As I leaned back for the perfect angle, my chair tipped over, and I fell to the ground in front of a bunch of people. The barista was so concerned, he came over with a first aid kit, while I just wanted to disappear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73

You deserved it 738