Nearly FMLs

By onthehighnote - 26/02/2016 01:13 - United States - Cincinnati

Today, I had to pee really bad, so I ran to the bathroom. As I run in I fall over my moms house shoes, hit my head on the rim of the tub, and piss my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By mancuneanway - 26/02/2016 00:56 - United Kingdom - Bacup

Today, at nearly 1am, my husband cut off the strings to all my tampons and said 'just pee them out'. He wanted to make a ball of string and I'm on my cycle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By pocolate - 26/02/2016 00:55 - United States - Lewisville

Today, I sneezed so hard during a band rehearsal that i slammed my face into my brand new French Horn, and dented it. The band directors were more concerned with the dent in the instrument than the pain in my face FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By notluckyinlife - 26/02/2016 00:50 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I realized while all my younger brothers, and my father are well-endowed, those genes seem to have skipped me, entirely. How did I find this out? At a secluded nudist beach along we visited along with the girl I like. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By leviwinch29 - 26/02/2016 00:26 - United States - Eau Claire

Today, after school I was walking to my house and I turned my head to talk to my friend and tripped over a stick and fell in dog crap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By naterade123 - 26/02/2016 00:22 - Australia - Fitzroy

Today, I witnessed my boyfriend taking a dump in the litter box. He said he wanted to know what it felt like for the cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By ogkipykat - 26/02/2016 00:20 - United States - Atlanta

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me, why? He says i was "making out with someone else." Im a lifeguard, and i was giving someone CPR. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By ladycube - 26/02/2016 00:18 - United States - Rosemount

Today, my best friend tried to cheer me up about my breakup with my boyfriend by making a slideshow filled with all the pictures her and I have taken together. It was a cute video beside the fact she used me and my ex's song as background music. Thanks for the effort. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By myaahni - 26/02/2016 00:08 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I got kicked in the face with a soccer ball. I wasn't even thinking about the pain when it happened, but "my moms going to kill me if I broke my glasses". FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Becca - 26/02/2016 00:05 - United States - Ocala

Today I had my first interview ever at a local store. It was going great until I stood up to shake the manager's hand after he gave me the job. He looked down and saw the rather unflattering dick that my friend had drawn on my hand without my knowledge a few days prior that I couldn't scrub off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By TheLostCauseFML - 26/02/2016 00:02 - United States - Nacogdoches

Today, my 16 year old nephew got his licence. I don't have one, and I'm 30. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By ogkipykat - 26/02/2016 00:02 - United States - Ellenwood

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me, why? He says i was "making out with someone else." Im a lifeguard, and i was giving someone CPR. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 25/02/2016 23:58 - United States - Brooklyn

Today I got in a wreck with someone in the parking lot. We got out exchanged insurance details and then he left. When I went back in my car I realized I had locked myself out while the car was still running.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By anon - 25/02/2016 23:52 - Australia - Camp Hill

Today, while kissing my boyfriend for the first time, as well as having my first kiss ever, in the heat of the moment he murmured "isn't it funny how I've kissed more guys than you". FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By JustWantSleep - 25/02/2016 23:49 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I found out my girlfriend's new roommate loves to blast reggae and jazz music at 8:30am. The morning after we had all gotten incredibly wasted at their housewarming party. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Mad_Maxx - 25/02/2016 23:37 - United States - Hammond

Today, during a discussion with my girlfriend about oral sex she said she'd never give a blowjob. That night, I found my best friend balls deep in my girlfriends throat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 25/02/2016 23:17 - United States - Macon

Today, out of the goodness of my heart, I stayed late at work to help set up water services with two customers. In the process, I lose my keys, run out of gas in my work vehicle, and get locked out when I try to clock out. I called my boss to get my vehicle back in. No answer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By TabbyCat87 - 25/02/2016 22:54 - United States - Ordway

Today, after facing my fear of the dentist, I went in to have a cavity filled. After the procedure, as I was walking to the car, a large piece of my tooth came out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Alli - 25/02/2016 22:53 - United States - Lincoln

Today, i finally came out to my mom being lesbian, and she replied with "Sh*t, why can't I have a normal daughter?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By stp9782 - 25/02/2016 22:52 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I was denied the opportunity to go to an urgent care for an x-Ray on my ribs even though they are in so much pain when I eat, sit, or touch them at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By murphyslaw - 25/02/2016 22:49 - United States - Bronx

Today, I was on my way to court for the ticket I got because of a broken tail light. On the way there, I got rear ended, breaking the light yet again. Then I got pulled over, resulting in a ticket, yet again, for a broken tail light. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By TheHeirofTime - 25/02/2016 22:42 - United States - Newtonville

Today, my house was cleaned for the first time by my new maid; an elderly, little Christian woman. She found my vibrator. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By Fumi - 25/02/2016 22:39 - United States - Missoula

Today, I had to block my ex's number. He's convinced himself that I had a traumatizing sexual experience with someone, because that's the only possible reason I wouldn't want to have sex with him. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By SecretLifeOfAStripper - 25/02/2016 22:30 - United States - Washington

Today, my friend jokingly pointed out a pair of hooker-like stilettos to my dad and asked if he would wear them. He responded with "Only to give someone a good time." Now she is a firm believer that my dad is secretly a stripper, FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By anonymous - 25/02/2016 22:27 - United States - Thomson

Today, I passed out on a crowded bus. I fell head first, calling a ton of attention to myself. I have terrible social anxiety and all of the attention on me when I woke up caused me to vomit. I'm sure no one on that bus will soon forget this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By sosogross - 25/02/2016 22:18 - United States

Today, at a red light, an old lady rear-ended me, and then began honking and swearing at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By taylorw16 - 25/02/2016 22:04 - United States - Orem

Today, I went to the book store for a college class. While checking out I opened my wallet which has my military ID in the clear pouch, a girl behind me started hitting me and calling me a murderer. I was then removed from the store and couldn't buy my book because I "started a scene". FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By balnuaimi - 25/02/2016 22:01 - United States

Today, I had to tell my husbands 10 siblings that we can no longer communicate. Why? My husband is paranoid that we conspire against him. We all live in the same household. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Chara - 25/02/2016 21:57 - United States - Bothell

Today, I asked my boyfriend if he wanted to go see a movie or something as soon as we arrived in the movie he broke up with me in front of everyone including my 3 best friends who "conveniently" were there FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anon - 25/02/2016 21:46 - United States - Cherry Hill

Today, I was visiting my cousins. They have 2 cats. I was petting one when i got a text. I picked up my phone and kept petting the cat. But i wasn't looking, so i accidentally petted its paw, which was a bad idea. It scratched me right in the eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

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Keywords

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The Top

Today, I've become so used to being ignored, that not only can I recognize the unique physical and verbal tics (or lack thereof) that certain people have when they're not listening to me, but I can even mutter just about anything under my breath - even in public - completely confident that no one will listen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 703

You deserved it 204

Today, I wanted to spice things up in the bedroom with my husband, so I set up some Halloween torches to create a wild ambiance. Unfortunately our dickhead neighbours saw the glow, didn't remember that fire tends to give off smoke, and called the fire department on us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 518

You deserved it 7 814

Today, I just had a phone interview with a college. The lady asked me to spell out my password to a site so she can access my test scores. The password was "dick." FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 966

You deserved it 52 178

Today, I hit it off with a girl at a club and I brought her back to my place. I was sure I was finally going to score, until my useless cat attacked her as we walked upstairs. She fell down the stairs and dislocated her ankle. Just my luck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 938

You deserved it 5 180

Today, three days after my "friend" tried to cut all my hair off while I was asleep, she tried to poison me with a random chemical that was under my sink. She then told me she wanted me dead because I touched her senpai. Her senpai is my brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 695

You deserved it 273

Today, I was walking down the street in the dark, and the woman in front of me kept looking back nervously. I jokingly assured her that I wasn't a mugger. She then took out a knife and mugged me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 385

You deserved it 5 112