Nearly FMLs

By LizzysOwner - 01/03/2016 02:11 - Canada - Hanover

Today, I got a Facebook notification that my grandmother unfriended me. That would be fine, if she hadn't died last month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By desireesun - 01/03/2016 01:57 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I was running to help an old lady who had fallen over. I slipped on ice, and cracked my head open. So much for karma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By MyMummyIronsMyTrousers - 01/03/2016 01:24 - United States - Mclean

Today, I printed out a worksheet that detailed instructions for my students to write a letter from the perspective of a Chinese immigrant in 1870 as part of their history homework. Half my class decided to Google Translate their assignment into traditional Chinese. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 949

You deserved it 720

By Anonymous - 01/03/2016 01:11 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I gave my drunken boyfriend a handjob. It was my first time giving one, so after he came I asked how it was. He said "eh it wasn't terrible" then threw up on my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By oh sh!t - 01/03/2016 01:08 - United States - Charlotte

Today, I returned home from Las Vegas, I still don't know how to explain to my wife about the hooker. Or how I lost our next house payment at the roulette table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By worstday - 01/03/2016 01:04 - Australia - Glenfield

Spent my first day in my new high school with a bad case of diarrhea and more time in the toilet than in the classroom. Now I'm forever known to my peers as the "kid on the shitter". FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By mattiboi - 01/03/2016 00:47 - United States - Brentwood

Today my little sister told me that wiping her ass after shitting was "Too much work" FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By emilylynn3657 - 01/03/2016 00:46 - United States - Springfield

Today, I was working at a preschool and a little boy came over asking if I could play with him. I told him I would after I finished my paperwork. I guess he didn't like this answer, because he proceeded to poop in his hands and make direct eye contact with me as he smeared it into the carpet. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By WhatTheHeck - 01/03/2016 00:19 - United States - Charlotte

Today, after returning from a week long business trip, I came home to find everything missing. I guess that was my wife's way of telling me she was leaving me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By pdribs - 01/03/2016 00:10 - United States - Burnsville

Today, I went to work without makeup on. I was told it was unprofessional and I was sent home. I have a severe rash on the upper half of my body and I can't put anything on it. I can't afford the medication to get rid of the rash and I can't go to work until I can wear makeup, FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By CatLady07 - 29/02/2016 23:53 - United States - West Des Moines

Today, I am filling in for a co-worker who's on vacation. There's schedule book where we keep all appointments. She decided to not fill in her regulars just to make me look like a fool. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By I cant handle - 29/02/2016 23:41 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I realized that the only two guys I've had a relationship with were my boss at some point. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Scandinavian warrior - 29/02/2016 23:33 - United States - West Chester

Today, I got blood tests done. It wouldn't be so bad if I wasn't getting tested for Pcos. If you don't know what that is, it basically gives you too much testosterone, makes your voice low, and gives you the body hair of a Scandinavian warrior. It also makes you infertile. I am a woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 29/02/2016 23:31 - United States - Nashville

Today, after school, I kicked at my friend jokingly. He grabbed my foot, and for some reason, I felt the only way to get out of it was to fall on my back. Sadly, I had forgotten that my laptop was in my bag. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 29/02/2016 23:30 - United States - Enfield

Today, someone totaled my car while I was in work; the shock of the car caused my parents to fight. Which led to my mother calling for a divorce after my father admitted having two secret families. I was then hit by the patrol car who came to stop my parents' dispute on the front lawn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Sansational_ - 29/02/2016 23:29 - United States - Short Hills

Today, I discovered I had a pimple. This wouldn't be so bad if it weren't on my face, impeding my vision. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Fender Bender? - 29/02/2016 23:29 - United States - Jupiter

Today, after getting hit by another car I was relieved there was no damage to mine. About four hours later I was rear ended leaving work. Totaling my car FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By bubbat101 - 29/02/2016 23:27 - United States - Vancouver

Today, my just now ex-boyfriend threatened to punch me but he wouldn't because I am a girl. I now have 2 days to move out and squash any attempts at him stealing my cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 29/02/2016 23:24 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, my college chaplain asked to sit with me because the canteen was full. Being polite I said yes. She then began to chat and asked what I was working on. I was writing an essay on the accuracy of the film "spotlight". She's a nun. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 29/02/2016 23:18 - Ireland

Today,I agreed to be the subject of my friends photography project. After saying yes I asked what she want me to do. She wants me to stand bear foot in a room surrounded by broken glass.FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By depfox - 29/02/2016 23:13 - United States - Sioux City

Today, my professor told me I should "consider giving up on higher education" the same professor who lectured the class on the lack of biology majors. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 29/02/2016 23:11 - Ireland

Today,I did my first night shift of the next two weeks. I awoke at 8 am to the gentle dashing of hammers and nail guns and other construction sounds. My neighbours are building an extention. They said it's okay though, construction will only last 2 weeks. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By RobotUnicorn1209 - 29/02/2016 23:10 - Canada - Hamilton

Today, I was eating pistachios. One was partially black and crumbly, but I thought nothing of it and are it anyway. That was before I saw the dead maggot curled up inside the shell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Anonymist - 29/02/2016 22:59 - United States - O Fallon

Today, I was feeding my cat his canned food when my phone rang. When I reached for the phone, I reflexively put the spoon I had been using in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By LaughingKoala - 29/02/2016 22:58

Today, I finally convinced my mom that vaccines are necessary and help people. It only took my dad dying of a preventable disease to convince her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By wtf why - 29/02/2016 22:55 - United States - Blacklick

Today, this girl i was dating dumped me saying that she wanted to be with me and didn't know why she was dumping me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By LaughingKoala - 29/02/2016 22:49

Today, I finally got my mom to believe that vaccines are actually good, and don't cause autism and the likes. It only took my dad dying of a preventable disease to convince her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By WolfAvenge - 29/02/2016 22:40 - United States - Phoenix

Today, after having a great opportunity to work on a set for over 21 hours in the past two days; my car broke down and my backpack's zipper broke, flinging my editing laptop onto the blacktop. All within ten minutes after wrap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 29/02/2016 22:39 - United States - North Charleston

Today, I walked in on my best friend and her boyfriend making out. It wouldn't have been so bad if it wasn't in the bathroom where I work at. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 29/02/2016 22:35 - United States - San Francisco

Today, at the mall, my stomach was feeling bad so I rushed to the restroom. I went poop and I'm also on my period. I tried flushing 5 times ,but it wouldn't go down. I had to wait and sneak out when no one was in the bathroom, so they wouldn't know it was me. Fml.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

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Keywords

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The Top

Today, I was at a pie auction. During it, I had to hold a pie in a glass case to be sold. In the middle of the auction, I raised my hand to scratch my face, and dropped the pie and broke the glass. It was worth $1000. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 270

You deserved it 14 121

Today, my girlfriend of 4 years confessed to me that she had sex with my best friend before she started to date me. Funny thing is, I'm bi and had sex with the same best friend at around the same time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 891

You deserved it 688

Today, while mildly tipsy, I threw myself onto my bed at a weird angle and somehow managed to somersault off my bed and land in my clothes hamper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 263

You deserved it 823

Today, my mother tried guilt-tripping me about coming home for the holidays by explaining that, “according to average life expectancy,” she and my father could be dead in the next 10-25 years. I’m already coming home for the holidays. She knows this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 156

You deserved it 101

Today, my boss told me that there is no point in making me cut onions anymore because every time I do, I look like I've "been beaten", and can't be seen by the customers for at least half an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 748

You deserved it 3 631

Today, I was at Walmart and I asked an employee for help. She turned around with tears streaming down her face and said, “I'm kind of in the middle of an emergency right now!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 874

You deserved it 239