Nearly FMLs

By deathrise007 - 01/03/2016 17:46

Today, I was taking an important vocabulary test online, it was a take at home test. I had Skype open and was in a conservation with my friend. He decided to DDOS me while I was taking the test. I did not get it turned in by 11:59. I now have a failing grade in my class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 01/03/2016 17:41 - United States - Raleigh

Today, I became so out of breath that I had to sit down after climbing a single flight of stairs. I'm only 21. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By hallowsearcher - 01/03/2016 17:36 - United States - Santee

Today, my fiancé got annoyed with me when I ignored his advances for sex. He then complained that it has been almost a week. It's been almost a week because I've been sick in bed with the flu, this doesn't seem to be a good enough excuse because he has "needs." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By kellyem2 - 01/03/2016 17:06 - United States - East Lansing

Today, I found out that when my boss said two months ago that she'd reconsider bumping me up to full time, she meant she was planning on firing me in two months. Everyone in the office knew but me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By EpicPickelMagic - 01/03/2016 17:01 - United Kingdom - London

Today, my now ex-boyfriend was furious that I forgot his birthday. The reason I forgot his birthday was because my grandmother who I was extremely close to died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By um - 01/03/2016 16:51 - United States - Modesto

Today, the guy I was dating said that we are "just friends." I could be wrong but I don't think friends suck their friend's boobs. FML

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You deserved it 0

By Finding Nemo - 01/03/2016 16:51 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I went to my boyfriend's house to discover that his dog had dug in his bathroom trashcan and littered the place in used condoms and tampons. His mom cleaned it up. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 01/03/2016 16:51 - United States - Bradenton

Today, in class I found out my chair was broken when I bent over to get something out of my bag and fell on the floor in front of a silent class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By sophi147 - 01/03/2016 16:46 - United States - Livonia

Today, a man walked up to me and scolded me for "destroying my private parts" and going against what God wanted for me. I'm not trans, I just like shaving my head and wearing men's clothes. Even if I was a trans person, my genitals are none of his business! FML

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You deserved it 0

By juniorleo - 01/03/2016 16:44 - United States - Riverside

Today, I was practicing throws one-on-one with my judo teacher, who I happen to have a crush on. Not only did I manage to do an entirely different throw than what he instructed, but I also managed to (accidentally) grab his ass while doing it. He definitely noticed. FML

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You deserved it 0

By thelivingcontradiction - 01/03/2016 16:36 - United Kingdom - Orpington

Today, my mother decided that being a diagnosed insomniac is just an excuse to not sleep like a normal person, and that I'm being lazy. I work as a paintball marshal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By 12ig12 - 01/03/2016 16:35 - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, I was at my friends house for a party. I went to the bathroom and had explosive diarrhoea. I want down stairs and was about to leave when the host was talking to everyone "If you go to the toilet hold the flush down for 10 seconds or it will spew it all over the floor". It was not pretty. FML

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You deserved it 0

By dianna869 - 01/03/2016 16:32 - United States - Skandia

Today, I ran to the bus. I noticed I had forgotten my homework, so I ran back to my house to get it. Little did I know, there was ice everywhere. I slipped and slammed my face onto my porch. This is my 2nd concussion of this winter. FML

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You deserved it 0

By skinnybyotch - 01/03/2016 15:50 - Canada - Welland

Today, I realized how addicted to technology I am when I tried to zoom in on an actual photograph of myself from high school FML

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You deserved it 0

By Anon - 01/03/2016 15:48 - Netherlands - Nuenen

Today, I went to school to find out it was cancelled due to water damage. I just biked 17 miles in the pooring rain, FML.

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You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 01/03/2016 15:39 - United States - Bronx

Today, I'm in college, and I told my roommate I'm going to shower so don't lock the door. He locked the door so now I'm in the hallway in just a towel because he's at class. FML

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You deserved it 0

By blitz16leb - 01/03/2016 15:19 - United States - Columbus

Today, on the one year anniversary of my miscarriage, I had to endured an entire day of harassment from my in laws to have another child. I haven't even been on a date with my husband since then because they absolutely refuse to babysit their current grandchild! FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By TerribleThings - 01/03/2016 15:18 - United States - Bronx

Today, I had a threesome with my boyfriend and one of my good friends. Come to find out today, that she has been cheating on me with her this whole time. FML

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You deserved it 0

By rSKTL - 01/03/2016 15:14 - United States - Ingleside

Today, I was masturbating and as I ejaculated I had lost contact with the cum. I decided to forget about it and just lay my head on my pillow and go to sleep. I found out where it went. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By iFucked up - 01/03/2016 15:10 - Australia - Newport

Today, realising I needed to pee, I casually took a trip to the restroom. As I was pulling down my jeans, I heard something metal drop into the toilet bowl. Not moments later, I realised my iPhone 6 had been in my back pocket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By elguapo3745 - 01/03/2016 15:05 - United States - Louisville

Today, At work, my boss told me to unload a semitruck using a forklift. He also told me I could drive the forklift onto the truckbed to make it easier. As soon as I drove onto the truckbed, the suspension of the truck blew out, my manager is writing me up and I may loose my job. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 01/03/2016 14:56 - Colombia - Bogot?

Today, my best friend got mad at me because I started using the white version of the WhatsApp emojis. She is black and constantly uses the black version of the emojis, but according to her if I do the same with my own skin color it is somehow racist. FML

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You deserved it 0

By definitelyaboogie - 01/03/2016 14:53 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I discovered that my wife thinks it is perfectly acceptable to wipe herself with a used tissue when in the bathroom. I almost threw up on her when I found a booger on her clit during sex. FML

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You deserved it 0

By anonymous - 01/03/2016 14:48 - United States - Gainesville

Today, I woke up remembering a very disturbing dream in which I had sex in several intimate positions with an overweight man. This man happened to be my father, and now I can't look him in the eye. FML

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You deserved it 0

By BntyHntrSeattle - 01/03/2016 14:38 - United States - Mercer Island

Today, I woke up from a dream in which I was accepted to the incredibly selective summer program I applied to with my friend. After opening the real rejection email, I learned that not only was my dream a lie, but my friend got in and now won't stop talking about it. FML

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You deserved it 0

By daaamndaniel - 01/03/2016 14:38 - United States - Kingman

Today, I asked my brother how last night with my fiancé went as a "family bonding time" he said she tried to sleep with him. FML

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You deserved it 0

By jen1097 - 01/03/2016 14:24 - Australia - Townsville

Today, I took a big gulp from my can of coke before realising that instead of grabbing my fresh, new can, I grabbed a week old can which was full of ants. I swallowed the drink. FML

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You deserved it 1

By TheAmazingFlyingPeeBottleMan - 01/03/2016 14:20 - United Kingdom - Newcastle Upon Tyne

Today, I was hit in the head with a flying bottle full of water with no cap. As I watched the bus full of jeering kids speed off in anger, I realised it wasn't water. It was piss. I had another two miles to walk home. FML

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You deserved it 0

By How Can You Not Tell The Difference - 01/03/2016 14:09 - United States - Iowa Park

Today, My mom and I went out for a little spa-type mall day, and we started with the hair salon. My hairdresser informed us that I couldn't get my hair done because I have lice. That kind of killed the mood, so we went to the car. Checking my hair, we found out I just had dandruff. FML

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You deserved it 0

By Duarg - 01/03/2016 14:04 - United States - Hialeah

Today, I was on the bus, going to school, when I decided to show my friends a funny picture from imgur. I turn on my phone, only to be assaulted by my porn pictures that I forgot to close out of the night before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

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Keywords

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The Top

Today, I had a very important test. Last night, I'd had such bad leg pains that I couldn't sleep, so I took two very strong painkillers and went to sleep pain-free. I apparently accidentally overdosed, because when I woke up, I couldn't see properly or even stand up. And I missed my test. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 085

You deserved it 8 731

Today, my team was mistakenly scheduled against an over-60 team. I'd feel sorry for the old fogeys if they hadn't beaten us 3-0 and racked up seven yellow cards and a red on the way to doing so. FML

I agree, your life sucks 105

You deserved it 330

Today, I guess my husband was trying to prove something by fixing our dishwasher himself instead of letting the maintenance man come. He watched videos on YouTube but ended up breaking it beyond repair, thus voiding the warranty. Now we have to replace the whole thing at full price. FML

I agree, your life sucks 725

You deserved it 124

Today, my junkie son came to the house showered, in clean clothes, with sobriety chips from NA, full of apologies, and we had a good cry about his recovery. I went to the kitchen for tissues, for less than a minute, but when I got back he’d stolen my purse, television, and spare change jar with about £75 in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 209

You deserved it 169

Today, I was at a family friend's house for a gathering. I grabbed my food and started heading towards the patio. Unfortunately, I didn't make it to the patio, as there was a glass door in my way that I didn't see. My sophomore year crush saw everything, along with her new boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 821

You deserved it 298

Today, it transpired that my mom has been spending her stint in prison trying to play matchmaker for me, going so far as to call one of her finds, "good breeding stock". Apparently, I don't already have enough criminals in my life; last September I was the only member of my family of 5 not locked up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 978

You deserved it 3 115