Nearly FMLs

By cupcakekate9 - 29/02/2016 22:35 - Canada - Sherwood Park

Today, my school got new hand dryers in the bathroom. This would be great, except they blow about 100km/h of cold air which makes the people in the stalls freeze. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By WittyMoron - 29/02/2016 22:23 - United Kingdom

Today, my incredibly drunk, morbidly obese father stumbled into the room, and, with all the grace of a walrus with no limbs, promptly fell on me. I couldn't feel my upper body, but I had no way of telling him this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By MikaykayUnicorn - 29/02/2016 22:22 - United States - San Antonio

Today, I got my eyes dilated. My brother decided he needed the sunglasses the optometrist gave me more than I did. I feel like I am blind now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Bunny_Sip - 29/02/2016 22:20 - United States - Palm Bay

Today, I was talking to my crush and I zoned out on him. When I came to, there was a puddle of drool on the floor and front of my shirt and I look up to see my crush leaving FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 2

By Anonymous - 29/02/2016 22:16 - United States - Millersville

Today, I was attacked by five eighth graders for stepping on a girl's foot by accident. They didn't stop until they saw my phone coming out of my pocket. They took it, kicked my in the face, and left. Out of the many people surrounding the spectacle, no one called the cops. FML...

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By briesph - 29/02/2016 21:57 - United States - Grand Junction

Today, my wifes mom was on the phone with a relative and she referred to me as her "friend".. we've been together 3 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By FML - 29/02/2016 21:54 - United States - Irving

Today, I received my service dog due to having a crippling disability. Too bad he would rather lay in bed than help me with what he's trained for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By gingerlover01 - 29/02/2016 21:50 - United States

Today, I sneezed and smacked my face into the bus window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Dipsy607 - 29/02/2016 21:50 - Ireland

Today, a friend of mine dyed her hair purple. When I got home, I found my mother had bought the same colour dye for me. Not wanting to offend my mother, I used it. Now said friend thinks I'm not creative and that I copied her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By EmotionalDisaster - 29/02/2016 21:50 - Canada - Edmonton

Today my guy friend and I went for coffee to talk about some recent events. A few days ago he had tried to kiss me and I confessed I was in love with him. Today he told me he wasn't capable of loving anyone, but I'm still hot and he would sleep with me if he could. I'm asexual and he knows this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By raw_bum - 29/02/2016 21:47

Today, I found out the hard way that they changed the TP in the men's washroom to the extra scratchy kind. Yesterday, I tried the new Korean place around the corner. I can barely tolerate sitting down now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Johnnycake23 - 29/02/2016 21:28 - United States

Today, I opened up to my girlfriend about the sexual abuse I suffered as a child. Sobbing and looking for support, she told me it was too much pressure and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By rastafarianaaa - 29/02/2016 21:13 - United States

Today, i went out with my boyfriend to a fancy restaurant. I got back home right at 11 pm to my parents standing at the door angry that i wasnt home at 10 pm. Apparently im "going nowhere in life" yet they took away keys to my own car. Now i cant go to work or school. Im twenty years old. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Mrs. C - 29/02/2016 21:11 - United States - Vidor

Today, my Theatre teacher was teaching us a play for a local Theatre downtown. When we got there, we were extremely excited, only to find out that she taught us the wrong play. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By BoboCracker - 29/02/2016 21:07 - United States - Broomfield

Today, I was mugged by my own father. His reason for doing it? To show me what it was like and how to deal with it. He hasn't given me my wallet back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 29/02/2016 21:05 - United States - Kent

Today my friend and I went to our school's library to study for a group project for English. After about five minutes the librarians threw us out because we were too loud and banned us from the library for three weeks. We later found out we were mistaken for a different table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By plz - 29/02/2016 21:03 - United States - Naperville

Today, I had to present a project in school, my partners forgot their lines and we just stood there for 4 minutes saying gibberish. The grade is not individual. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By ISwearItsNotPee - 29/02/2016 20:53 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I spilled apple juice all over my pants at the beginning of class and wasn't allowed to go to the bathroom to clean up. I spent the whole day smelling like juice and looking like I pissed myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 29/02/2016 20:48 - United States - Mclean

Today, I noticed one of my students was repeatedly looking at his hand during a test so I walked up to his desk and told him to show me his hand. He wrote "you're the shittiest teacher I've ever had" on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Skiier - 29/02/2016 20:46 - United States - Mansfield

Today, I got yelled at five times for standing on a ski jump. I was standing there because ski patrol ordered me there to prevent people from going over it. This was so nobody would jump on my friend they were putting in a sled, who had a broken wrist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By BLarks72k - 29/02/2016 20:42 - United States - Ronkonkoma

Today, I found out I failed a math test I thought I aced. It turns out all my work was correct, but none of the answers were in the correct form. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Emma1562 - 29/02/2016 20:42 - United States - Alhambra

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I wouldn't have sex with him, we're both 15 years old...FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By ashcatbuttcrack - 29/02/2016 20:41 - Canada - Barrie

Today, i was out for coffee with a friend. as we sat laughing he choked and spat his coffee all over the shops window, this wouldn't have been so bad if i wasn't 8 months pregnant and hadn't pissed myself from laughing even harder. fml

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anon - 29/02/2016 20:41 - United States - Wayne

Today, I just saw my boyfriends history paper and he plagiarized the whole thing. I did his homework once like 3 years ago and now it never ends. We're in our second year of college. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By WTF - 29/02/2016 20:32 - United States - Memphis

Today, I was driving to school when I noticed we had the day of. i had forgotten to turn off my alarm, and my mom just let me go to school. when i finally got back home my mom was laughing at me for being so stupid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By deathrise007 - 29/02/2016 20:29 - United States

Today, my mother decided that it would be ok if she didn't pick me up from school because she "wasn't" home. After a nice 3 mile walk home I found my mother sitting on the couch. I asked her where she went. She replied with, "Nowhere, I just didn't want to pick you up." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By gingerlover01 - 29/02/2016 20:01 - United States

Today, I started my period for the third time this month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Sorcerious - 29/02/2016 19:55 - Belgium - Gent

Today, after I waited for three hours in the cold, my car was finally fixed. Thinking I could use a little relaxation, I took a bath after coming home. My girlfriend texted me she'd be home later, and I somehow managed to drop my phone in the bath. My tablet swiftly followed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By gingerlover01 - 29/02/2016 19:52 - United States

Today, someone was letting their very annoying kids run a muck in the lobby of my doctor's office I tried to ignore it cause hey I was young once too, what I couldn't ignore was one of the little brats grabbing my butt and running off laughing and their mother applauding him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 29/02/2016 19:48 - Germany - Donaustauf

Today, I got engaged. The reactions from my fiance's family have been nothing but positive. These are the same people who threw a fit about the fact that I wore a sleeveless shirt during our first meeting, wasn't rich and forbade him from having me visit. I'm terrified. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

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The Top

Today, I found my high school diary and decided to read it for nostalgia. My teenage self wrote, “Future me will totally be rich, famous, and married to Chris Hemsworth by 30.” I’m 32, single, and googling “How to fix a clogged toilet.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 396

You deserved it 183

Today, while cuddling with my boyfriend, he got up and said he needed to go home because he was tired and just wanted to relax and watch TV. That's what we were doing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 062

You deserved it 4 371

Today, I spent 2 hours making the perfect card for my dad for Father's Day. When I handed it to him, he smiled and said "Thank you" and then killed a fly with it. I found it in the trash a couple of hours later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 392

You deserved it 4 310

Today, I woke up with a scream of pain to find the reason I've had so many realistic dreams lately: my boyfriend has been messing with me in my sleep because he thinks my reactions are funny. For instance, when he pinched me today, I experienced a very realistic wasp sting in my dream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 482

You deserved it 135

Today, while working the graveyard shift at my hotel, it felt a little chilly, so I grabbed a blanket out of the box we usually store old blankets in. Twenty minutes later, the live-in maintenance man casually remarked that those blankets are all infected with bed-bugs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 095

You deserved it 7 281

Today, when I got home, the apartment was clean for once. I gasped in surprise, and my boyfriend came out of the bathroom, carried me to the bedroom, and brutally ravished me. Afterwards, I asked him what brought this on. "Well, I bought a new game and it took forever to download..." FML

I agree, your life sucks 172

You deserved it 280