Nearly FML

By Anonymous - 01/03/2016 14:03 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I got some kind of stomach bug. My body felt the need to want to piss at the same time I threw up, so now I have the smell of urine and vomit in my bathroom, as well as a stained rug and sopping wet pair of underwear. FML

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By rejected - 01/03/2016 14:00 - United States - East Brunswick

Today, I met with a friend to patch things up after a fight. She agreed to me staying at her place for the night, like we used to do before. Then, she and her roommates proceeded to read tumblr together for 7 hours, ignoring me. I didn't have a ride home until next morning, so I couldn't leave. FML.

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By T-DAWG - 01/03/2016 13:57 - United States - Allendale

Today, I finished a scholarship essay and went to attach it to a scholarship form. My mom ignored me when I told her I needed a few more minutes so I could attach it. She submitted the scholarship and now the committee thinks I'm stupid because the essay looks like a 4 year old wrote it. FML

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By anonymous - 01/03/2016 13:48 - United States - Foley

Today, my boyfriend proposed. I said yes, but a few minutes later HE changed HIS mind, saying "I just don't feel ready." FML

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By Sostis - 01/03/2016 12:31 - Netherlands - Ede

Today, my boss fired me because of 'reasons'... when I asked him what reasons, he told me to shut up and respect his authority. My boss is also my dad. FML

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By duckman9 - 01/03/2016 12:19 - Switzerland - Arbon

Today, I forgot to close the toilet lid. 5 minutes later I hear water noises coming from the toilet: my pet chinchilla decided to go for a swim. FML

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By Aerobic_Exorcism - 01/03/2016 11:40 - United States - Orlando

Today, I had the pleasure of sitting next to a very talkative middle-schooler on the bus. If that wasn't bad enough, her breath also smelled like ass water. FML

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By cbismaxw94 - 01/03/2016 10:18 - United States - Boardman

Today, I got fired from my job for missing work due to a day full of 60,000 MRI appointments. I have a brain mass that can kill me, they said "well it sucks to be you" and took my badge. FML

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By santemilo - 01/03/2016 10:08 - Netherlands - Amsterdam

Today, I decided that cleaning the bathroom with a large amount of bleach would be a very good idea. I'm still feeling dizzy. FML

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By Anonymous - 01/03/2016 09:55 - Slovenia - Trzin

Today I fainted and fell directly on my face during class. I was told I looked like a penguin. FML

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By anon - 01/03/2016 09:27 - United States - Hesperia

Today, after years of using cheap store brand makeup I finally decided to splurge and buy myself good name brand stuff. Turns out I'm severely allergic to the expensive stuff. My face is so itchy red and splotchy I'm too embarrassed to leave the house. Fml

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By trulypar - 01/03/2016 09:13 - United States - Portland

Today, I decided to try Chat Roulette for the first time. I saw things that can NEVER be unseen. FML

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By Dutch - 01/03/2016 09:13 - United States - Goleta

Today, while my roommate thought I was asleep, she farted in her bed, and then quickly dashed under the covers so that she could smell it. FML

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By whale then - 01/03/2016 08:23 - United States - Bay Shore

Today, I got called "fat-ass whale" while at the gym. FML.

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By Programmers Need Wrists Too - 01/03/2016 08:03 - Canada - North Vancouver

Today, I asked my teacher if I could have time off from online courses so my wrist injury could correctly heal. She told me to take painkillers and deal with it. That would be fine, except for the fact that the field I'm studying to get in to requires daily use of a keyboard and she knows it. FML

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By Anonymous - 01/03/2016 07:56 - France

Today, I shat in my pants. At work. At 9am. My lunchbreak isn't until 3 hours and noone can bring me clean underwear. Fml.

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By Anonymous - 01/03/2016 07:47 - New Zealand - Thames

Today, my friends decided to wish me a happy birthday by throwing glitter all over me. It's not my birthday, and I'm allergic. FML

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By InsipidPotatoes - 01/03/2016 07:43 - Israel

Today, I went out with my friend early in the morning to practice some parkour. I did well, until I ran at a wall full speed and forgot to jump. I can't walk without pain and the gash on my leg is as long as my foot. FML

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By fuck - 01/03/2016 07:34 - United States - Los Angeles

Today I went to babysit for the first time. After a crying fit and a yelling match I finally agreed to let the little boy watch YouTube videos on my phone so I could do work. About ten minutes in I look over at the boy who, staring at a video asks me "what's a condom?" I'm not allowed back. FML

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By Anonymous - 01/03/2016 06:50 - Australia - South Morang

Today, it's my sisters second day at university and she has already been asked on two dates. This is my fourth year at uni and I haven't been on a single date in the past four years. FML

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By At your service - 01/03/2016 06:22 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, my mother in law said, "you really have to stop bringing that dog with you everywhere." My service dog. FML

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By YouDeservedIt69 - 01/03/2016 06:15 - United States - Portland

Today, I bought a new pair of headphones. I decided to try them out by listening to Slipknot. Being ignorant when it comes to technology, I couldn't figure out how to get the Bluetooth feature to work. I got a 2 hour life lecture about satanism from my Christian parents. I'm an atheist. FML

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By doggoooo - 01/03/2016 06:12 - United States - Frankfort

Today, my laptop fell over and the screen broke, my phones speaker and microphone decided it doesn't want to work, and my mom threw out a computer that had an essay on it that can drop me 2 letter grades(due tomorrow.) FML

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By Anonymous - 01/03/2016 06:11 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, my girlfriend met my parents for the first time. After going home, I texted her good night as usual. She responded, except she accidentally sent me a text meant for her friend that described all of the dirty sexual things she wants my father to do to her. FML.

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By rikkirauha - 01/03/2016 06:05 - United States - Cypress

Today, my cat, which I got for my anxiety, was able to slip out the front door and get outside. Luckily my sister grabbed him and brought him back. Later on, he somehow opened the screen door to my backyard and dug himself out under the fence, making his grand escape. FML

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By Aysia Simclair - 01/03/2016 05:59 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, We ordered a regular pepperoni pizza at a restaurant. It took a very long time to be brought out to us and we where hungry and impatient. When the pizza was finally taken to our table it was set on a pizza rack. Little did we know the rack was broken. The whole thing fell on the ground. FML

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By ceecee4u - 01/03/2016 05:57 - United States

Today, I met my boyfriend's dad. the same man i had an affair with a few years back. FML

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By anon - 01/03/2016 05:53 - United States

Today, my friend who talks to me all the time about how good his morals are got into a hit and run, then proceeded to ask me if it was wrong. So much for having good morals. FML.

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By fingercock - 01/03/2016 05:43 - Canada - Uxbridge

Today, I was in bed with my girlfriend. After some foreplay we decided to have sex, I was starting to put it in when my girlfriend said "Stop teasing me with your finger and put your cock in." I was so embarrassed I want limp FML

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By misfitunfit - 01/03/2016 05:34 - United States - Dallas

Today, as I was patrolling the streets for my missing cat, I finally caught up with the only neighbor I hadn't been able to speak to. He replied that yes, he had picked up a little tabby cat. Off my front porch. He shouted "finders keepers!" and sprinted away. I can see her in the window. FML

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

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Today, on my way to Burger King I got into a heated discussion with my wife about our cats. We have 15 rescues, and I've reached my limit. Guess what came running up to my car while waiting in the drive-through. We named him Pickles. FML

agreeclassic 48 976

vote type 1 10 693

Today, I tried on the new dress I bought for myself. I, for once, thought I looked pretty all right. I asked my dog, "How do I look?" and she threw up on my pillow. My brother can't stop laughing. FML

agreeclassic 33 850

vote type 1 5 169

Today, I picked up my four year old son from daycare. As I was putting him in his car seat, I asked him if he had fun. He yelled, "Shut it, bitch!" FML

agreeclassic 46 447

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Today, I was in charge of my team at work but I asked for a demotion, because I was so stressed that I started having nightmares. I feel like everyone freaked out after quarantine. FML

agreeclassic 758

vote type 1 136

Today, a man on the subway serenaded me. That's not the issue. He was cross-eyed, making it hard for me not to laugh in his face. FML

agreeclassic 9 315

vote type 1 30 297

Today, I went to the park to read “The Book Thief”. I fell asleep and when I woke up, my book was gone. FML

agreeclassic 4 369

vote type 1 1 007