Nearly FMLs

By BigTittyComittie - 29/02/2016 04:53 - United States - Lancaster

Today, I was at the bus stop and saw an elderly lady standing up, as the bench was full. I stood up to offer her a seat but some asshole quickly swooped in and took the seat. He wouldn't get up when I told him to.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By BoboCracker - 29/02/2016 04:53 - United States

Today, I was playing with my new puppy. As I attempted to let her go outside, she stuck her tongue in my mouth, bit my lip, and ran away into my backyard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 29/02/2016 04:45 - United States - Saint Paul

Finally convinced bf I needed an emotional support animal for my depression instead of taking a bunch of pills, so we bought a puppy. This puppy loves him but won't let me even pet her. Said depression is worse and might need my meds increased instead. fml

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By spankthatcow - 29/02/2016 04:44 - United States - Anaheim

Today, I found out that my mom was married to a guy named Jeff for about 2 weeks 25 years ago. She decided to tell me about this today because I introduced her to my boyfriend, Jeff's son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By J215B - 29/02/2016 04:40 - United States - Bloomingburg

Today, I am at this very second on a blind date. Or at least I was up until my date said he had to go to the bathroom and never came back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By SwagBasket - 29/02/2016 04:35 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I woke up depressed and heartbroken because I couldn't be with my mermaid girlfriend I met in a dream last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By mynamemike - 29/02/2016 04:33 - United States - Abilene

Today, My girlfriend admitted that she had kissed her ex and used the excuse that she was thinking about us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By BLarks72k - 29/02/2016 04:26 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I short-cutted the word "you" in my Moms phone to "Big Shits" thinking it would be a fun prank, only to have her berate me when she almost sent out a professional work e-mail to four coworkers, including her boss, containing the use of "Big Shits" four times. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By ididntdoitiswear - 29/02/2016 04:20 - United States - Corvallis

Today, I was almost caught smoking by my principle. Luckily, I was able to keep the lit cigarette in my cheek, and get by without opening my mouth. Unluckily, my cumstain of a friend hit me on the back, and I swallowed it whole. My throat feels like the bottom of an ashtray on fire. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 1

By another kid on the block - 29/02/2016 04:13 - United States - Spring

Today, after work my friends invited me to a party and i asked them to pick me up. I was waiting on the porch for an hour. They never came and i got dressed up for nothing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By me - 29/02/2016 04:12 - United States - San Francisco

Today, while trying to make love to my fiance he wanted to be on top. while switching positions he shouldered me in the nose and made it bleed also busting my lip open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By anonymous - 29/02/2016 03:58 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend removed his pants and climbed in bed with me wanting to get frisky. I was eating candy and apparently chewing loudly when I started coughing violently, making an unattractive face. When I finished my boyfriend informed me "well I did have a boner but not anymore" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By yay - 29/02/2016 03:56 - United States - Marion

Today, I came home early from work planning on waking my girlfriend up with surprise oral sex. What I didn't know was that mother nature surprised her with an early visit in the middle of the night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By SoGoodAtLife - 29/02/2016 03:55 - Canada - Tecumseh

Today, it was pretty nice outside, so I decided to go longboarding. I went to get a slushy and on my way back, I hit a bump and lost my balance. luckily, I got off in time, only to subsequently roll over a rock, spilling my slushy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By failureallmylife - 29/02/2016 03:51 - United States - Dearborn

Today, my ex invited me over for our usual hookups. I walked in on him and his new girlfriend doing the thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By sastgamer - 29/02/2016 03:51 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, I was going to confess my love to a friend of mine. Before I could tell her that I liked her, she told me she was a lesbian now and is dating another one of my friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By anon - 29/02/2016 03:47 - Australia - Saint Kilda

Today, I bought a homeless guy a McDonalds combo. He said "no thanks, I don't want to be fat like you."

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By DepressedMess - 29/02/2016 03:40 - Canada - Brantford

Today, I found out my fiance has been sending and receiving inappropriate photos with guys she's never met . FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Batman - 29/02/2016 03:38 - United States - Cheyenne

Today my 12 year old son thought it would be ok to feed my 3 month dog a fruit roll up. It ended in my dog puking watery red throw up all over my brand new shoes FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By angry human - 29/02/2016 03:36 - United States

Today, I washed my sheets and was ready for bed. My cat came and sat on me and I thought nothing of it until he left. I found shit in my bed FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By ilikepickles - 29/02/2016 03:33 - Australia - Sunnybank

Today, I got rejected from my own party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By ewww1 - 29/02/2016 03:32 - United States - Millington

Today, after a long day I came home to find my little sister bouncing on my bed with the broom handle up her vagina, FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Based_Scooby - 29/02/2016 03:31 - United States - Crestwood

Today, my parents joked about a "tard" (retard) being in my classes, meaning that I take retard classes. Once I gave a speech as to why the joke wasn't funny and that they were wrong, they got mad at me for being disrespectful to them. What about them being disrespectful towards the "tard"? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By the birthday boy - 29/02/2016 03:22 - United States

Today is my birthday, and I had the "privilege" of spending it with my grandmother. And by privilege, I mean her screaming and swearing at me, calling me a spawn of Satan for being gay, and going on constant tangents for no reason. She also ruined the cake. Happy birthday to me.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By shotgun_girl - 29/02/2016 03:11 - United States - Raleigh

Today, My mother asked for assistance with finding a schoolgirl uniform. I suggested eBay but she still wanted me to help look. Lets just say she went down the rabbit 'hole'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 29/02/2016 02:55 - Canada - Brantford

Today I found out my fiance has been sending and receiving inappropriate photos to people she's never met FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By guiilleh - 29/02/2016 02:55 - Venezuela - Maracaibo

Today, while having a serious discussion with my brother, a big ass cockroach flew towards me and I started to scream like a little girl. I'm the older brother. Everyone laughed as I ran away from said creature. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By TroubleDownUnder - 29/02/2016 02:52 - United States - Raeford

Today, my acne reached a new low, literally. I have discovered a pimple on my penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Somegaydude - 29/02/2016 02:47 - United States - Conway

Today, my step-mother compared a gay couple requesting a wedding cake at the store we were in to someone ordering a cake with the words HAIL SATAN and a burning cross on it, then proceeded to say that gays should be banned in all stores and public areas. I was planning on coming out to her soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 29/02/2016 02:43 - United States - Akron

Today, while giving my bf a blow job, I accidentally sneezed and bit down...hard. Now, he won't even talk to me. It was an accident!!! FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, I had to confront my boyfriend after finding a girl's phone number next to my bed. He said I was over reacting. When I told him it was over, he asked for the number back so he could call her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 657

You deserved it 9 100

Today, a new coworker asked me how to pronounce my name and made a dismissive remark that, "all Asian names are so hard to pronounce and they all sound the same." My name is Christopher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 879

You deserved it 267

Today, it was my first day working as a nightclub bartender. All through the evening, a really creepy bloke stood in a dark corner and leered at the girls on the dance floor. When I took the bouncer to one side to let him know, he told me the man was a coat stand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 885

You deserved it 33 592

Today, I was food shamed by my boyfriend in front of an entire restaurant and his parents because my meal cost more than his. His mom chimed in saying her meal usually costs more than his step dad's too and not to be upset. I'm 8 months pregnant, of course mine costs more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 973

You deserved it 1 451

Today, while babysitting my nephew, I was looking through a bin of toys, and I saw a fake spider. I picked it up to do a prank with. It wasn't fake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 657

You deserved it 5 732

Today, I found out if I refuse my boyfriend anything in public, he will continually yell out, "Penis!" until he gets his way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 192

You deserved it 8 796