Nearly FML

By iwanttocry - 01/03/2016 05:29 - Cyprus

Today, my English tutor told me that my teacher at school prepared me for the wrong exam.It's a 2 year course and the exam is in June.FML.

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By welp - 01/03/2016 05:29 - United States - Gainesville

Today, I walked in on my husband cheating on me with the plumber. Fml

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By justagirl95 - 01/03/2016 05:25 - United States

Today, after a bad break up, I was watching the Nanny when a song called "25, broke and living at home" was mentioned. My mom cracked up and said she'll play it for me in 4 years..... Thanks mom. I needed that. FML

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By bitemyshinymetalass - 01/03/2016 05:19 - United States - Denver

Today, the guy I'd been seeing for two months told me he'd fallen for my best friend. I introduced them exactly two days ago. FML

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By HylianBadger - 01/03/2016 05:13 - United States - Dickson

Today, I was told that I was "sick in the head" by a chick who publicly claims to be sexually attracted to pineapples. Fml

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By brandyred - 01/03/2016 05:06 - United States - Chattanooga

Today, I visited the ER for dehydration. I have been unable to eat or keep down much for over 2 months and the doctors I have seen cant figure out why. When I told the ER doctor that Ive been so sick that Ive lost 35 pounds over 2 months she looked me up and down and congratulated me. FML

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By salii321 - 01/03/2016 05:03 - Australia - Burwood

Today, through my kitchen window I witnessed my neighbors drive a trailer into their yard. Seconds later they uncovered the trailer and a massive coffin is shown. I'm afraid to stay here. FML

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By unicornpoopstain - 01/03/2016 04:56 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, my girlfriend of 2 years broke up with me because "her friend said she should", FML

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By what do you want from me - 01/03/2016 04:04 - United States - Pawtucket

Today, my boyfriend has been nagging me to "get up and do something with my life" so, I pulled myself out of severe depression, started going to church, the gym, got a job and got into school. Now he is constantly pissed that I am doing things without him instead of waiting at home for him. FML

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By Anonymous - 01/03/2016 04:01 - United States - Boston

Today, I tried to masturbate for the first time after my boyfriend and I broke up. Just as I was about to orgasm my vibrator died. FML

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By ball magnet - 01/03/2016 03:58 - United States - Tucson

Today, during P.E., some jerk thought it would be a great idea to drop kick a basketball from across the entire length of the court. It came flying into the left half of my face. Six hours, one nosebleed, and two lost teeth later, it still hurts. FML

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By Anonymous - 01/03/2016 03:56 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I had a job interview at a fast food place. I asked for an hour to think about it and they agreed and said to text them later on. I texted and called them to say I'll take the job. I haven't heard anything back. FML

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By Yuck - 01/03/2016 03:54 - United States - Chugiak

Today, I woke up to my cat holding a dead bird in her mouth. She dropped it. It wasn't dead. FML

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By plaza249 - 01/03/2016 03:53 - United States - Costa Mesa

Today, I went on a trip for class and when ever someone entered the bus everyone would cheer and clap. I entered and got pure silence. FML.

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By done - 01/03/2016 03:51 - United States - Denver

Today, I finally confronted my step father about the sexual abuse I endured as a child. His response was "I'm sorry, but you do know you're partly responsible too, right?" FML

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By Zesty_Z - 01/03/2016 03:49 - United States - Ozark

Today, I lost my virginity to a girl I dated around 3 years ago. That's cool and all, if her idea of foreplay wasn't aggressively stroking my dick with an iron death grip. She was white knuckling. FML.

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By Indonesian spies... - 01/03/2016 03:46 - United States - Belle Plaine

Today, I was ice skating on a pond with some friends. There were other people too. Someone called the cops on us and said we were spies sent from Indonesia by her "crazy ex boyfriend". What the actual fuck? FML

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By MrDocProfNathan - 01/03/2016 03:41 - United States - North Royalton

Today, my buddy thought the best way to wake me up was to put his face 2 inches away from mine and scream at the top of his lungs. I broke his nose. FML

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By hopless romantic - 01/03/2016 03:38 - United States - West Palm Beach

Today, I was rejected by my crush, even though we went on a date and shared a kiss a couple days ago. FML

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By anon - 01/03/2016 03:35 - United States - O Fallon

Today, i was craving something sweet. all we had were these little coffee cakes. anyway i ate 6 of them. turns out they were fiber plus and i have been on the toilet for an hour. FML

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By Ghost Piano - 01/03/2016 03:29 - United States - Denver

Today, the sound of a grand piano, playing the song "Fur Elise", kept emitting from my basement. When I went down to check what the sound was, there was a grand piano sitting in the middle of the room. I live alone, and don't recall ever having a piano. FML

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By mystam4 - 01/03/2016 03:27

Today, after 8 years of reading fml's, I created an account to log in and post comments. Now I'm getting "can we have a threesome?" questions from strangers. FML

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By please no - 01/03/2016 03:20 - Canada - Victoria

Today, I came across an unfamiliar word in an FML and searched it up on the Urban dictionary. It turned out to be dirty, and with fantastic timing my mom was approaching. I managed to exit it and just barely the indecent FML, but didn't have enough time to exit an indecent video in the next tab. FML

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By Chrononaut - 01/03/2016 03:12 - United States - Lancaster

Today, I told my little brother he should clean up all his Legos he left out yesterday before Mom wakes up. In the afternoon, I take off my shoes check his room and he smiles at me proud of completing the task. I walk into my room onto a pile of damn Legos FML

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By Anonymous - 01/03/2016 03:10 - United States - Birmingham

Today, I was out with my boyfriend and his friends. It was going well until my boyfriend started talking about how pretty his other friend's girlfriend is. The other guy that was with us on the date looked at me then at my boyfriend in a confused manner. My boyfriend had no clue what was wrong. FML

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By SimChick - 01/03/2016 02:37 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I realized my current fiance and my ex who completely ruined my life look a lot alike. How did I come to this realization? My fiance's Sim is the spitting image of the bastard that took everything from me. I can't even play my game without wanting to shoot someone. FML

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By missadell - 01/03/2016 02:32 - United States - Statham

Today, I had to explain to a peer in my healthcare class that men do not in fact have periods and that no, they cannot get pregnant. I don't know what worse: the fact that she tried to argue or that we are in high school. FML.

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By anony - 01/03/2016 02:29 - United States - Vernon Rockville

Today, due to my onset of allergies, I mindlessly kept wiping my nose & ended up slightly digging. I caught myself since I hate doing it in public but noticed the car in front of me was my crush's car. I think he saw because he couldn't make eye contact afterward. FML.

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By KawaiiLettuce - 01/03/2016 02:26 - United States - Simi Valley

Today, I learned that I had breast cancer. When I got around to telling my boyfriend, he simply said "Don't you have to have breasts to have breast cancer?" and continued with his day. FML.

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By Sanosukeskitten - 01/03/2016 02:13 - United States - Holden

Today, after two years of no intimacy, my husband and I finally were able to have sex again. He decided to go down on me, and ended up swallowing one of my pubic hairs. He gagged for a good ten minutes. Instant mood killer. FML

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Top

Today, I was having trouble blowing out the last of the several candles on my bedside table. Exasperated, I blew as hard as I could, which sent hot wax from the other candles shooting into the air, all over my face and into my eyes. FML

agreeclassic 25 179

vote type 1 12 541

Today, I realized my boyfriend rather qualifies as a pet: He loves eating, he hardly ever talks or listens, but he is cuddly, always enjoys having me around and can – within limits - be trained to do useful things. FML

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Today, I had my first astounding orgasm during which I simultaneously shit myself and vomited. So thankful my new partner was present. FML

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Today, after spending two days cleaning my car inside and out, I had to pick up my brother when his truck died in the mountains, on a dirt road. He was drunk. I now have a car covered in mud and filled with vomit. FML

agreeclassic 40 460

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Today, I almost died after getting an epidural in my neck. The medicine paralyzed my entire body, including my diaphragm and lungs. The doctor tried to say it was a panic attack. I had turned blue. FML

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Today, I asked my boyfriend what he would do if I were to get pregnant. Expecting him to give me a cute and supportive answer, he replied, "We'd be finding you a nice flight of stairs to accidentally fall down." FML

agreeclassic 43 124

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