Nearly FMLs

By Anonymous - 29/02/2016 17:00 - Netherlands - Alkmaar

Today, without any memory of how this happened, I woke up with a missing kidney. I didn't leave my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 29/02/2016 16:57 - United States - San Francisco

Today I found out my long distance boyfriend, who said if I ever cheated on him he would kill me, cheated on me with a drunk girl in his dorm only to say "I'm sorry, I don't know how I feel anymore." our one year was two days away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 29/02/2016 16:39 - United States - Benson

Today, my teacher has once again cancelled her class that is only on a Monday. The school has decided to remove the class because we are so far behind. I don't get a refund for the class or my book. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By BlueBomberXZ - 29/02/2016 16:26

Today, I presented a project I worked 10+ hours on, only to be told that I had to present my rough draft because I accidentally submitted it to my teacher with him thinking it was my final copy. That draft was 5 minutes. The minimum was 30. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 29/02/2016 16:25 - United States - Houston

Today, my body's insistence to keep sleeping reached an all time high when i sleepwalked across my room to unlock my phone and shut off the five alarms i had set. i woke up 2 hours late and lying down on my floor. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By WittyMoron - 29/02/2016 16:08 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that my wife was cheating on me with my friend Alan. She seemed genuinely upset and sorry, so I decided to forgive her. She later came to me and said; "Let's take some time to cool off. I'll sleep at Alan's tonight." She saw nothing wrong with this. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Lamp - 29/02/2016 16:03 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I broke my foot. Thing is, I broke it while taking my mother, who had broken her ankle, to the A&E. We now are in the waiting room and waiting for my X-Ray to come in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By ... - 29/02/2016 15:23 - Canada - Regina

Today, I got a call from my new landlord telling me not to bring any furniture, or really much more then just my clothes and some personal items. She doesn't want the "clutter." I was already packed, I move in 2 days... FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By SirFucksALotX - 29/02/2016 15:18 - United States

Today, I was sitting in my morning Algebra class when an extremely dull, monotone voice came over the intercom during announcements. I started to mock him as a joke. Turns out he was a special education kid, and half of my class now hates my guts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 1

By sicky - 29/02/2016 15:18 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I woke up with a pounding headache and a fever of 101. Normally, I would just tuff it out and go on with my day. However, when I started getting ready, I felt very lightheaded. I don't remember what happened, but I woke up a few hours later on the floor with my phone ringing non stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By UnintentionallyPerverted - 29/02/2016 14:22 - United States - Bryan

Today while bra shopping with my wife, I was so busy I didn't realize she had drifted off to the next aisle leaving me alone, groping, pinching and murmuring about bra softness. Cut 2, I am getting kicked out for being a perv, wife can't stop laughing and won't tell them that I'm with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By pleasedont - 29/02/2016 14:02 - United States - Du Quoin

Today, I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time, as soon as he went inside of me he said you're a lot tighter than my ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Yellowsausage - 29/02/2016 13:38 - Japan - Hamamatsu

Today, I diagnosed with Genital Herpes despite being a virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By ViviChenny - 29/02/2016 13:29 - Australia - Noble Park

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blowjob. He went a bit deep and I threw up on his penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By MrsHumanFrog - 29/02/2016 13:28 - United States - Lexington

Today, I got my very expensive laptop back from a friend that was debugging it. It now has a huge Crack running across the screen & 1/3 is snow. He insists my husband did it, but I saw my husband being careful with the bag. We can't say anything because this "friend" is also our Pastor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By bookiepd - 29/02/2016 13:21 - United States - Lawrenceville

Today, I saw my first horror movie. Tonight, my mom thought it would be hilarious to scare me while in the shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By greatday - 29/02/2016 13:18 - Poland - Tarn?w

Today was a really rainy day. As I was coming back from school some people were looking at my backpack, but I just ignored it. Now I'm at home and I know why they were looking. My backpack was open. All of my books are soaked... And no one cared to tell me my backpack was open... FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By CalixQyu - 29/02/2016 12:59 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I told my parents about Snapchat. Not even 4 hours later I received a snapchat notification from my dad. It was meant for my mom with the caption "Come shave this beast". He wasn't talking about his facial hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By snoringl94 - 29/02/2016 12:58 - United States - Round Rock

Today, work mate came in looking extremely sad. Thinking it was something to do with her BF, I said, "what's wrong, did your mom die or something?" She did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By Why - 29/02/2016 12:34 - United States - Kissimmee

Today, My dear mother admitted smoking cigarettes and smoked crack, when she was pregnant with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Will_Lawson - 29/02/2016 12:34 - United States - Columbus

Today, When I get nose bleeds I feel them. So as I could feel it I turned to a very religious co-worker and said hail satan before my nose bled. He fell back and suffered a concussion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By sonotfat. - 29/02/2016 12:30 - United States - San Antonio

Today, my huaband said he wanted to lose 180lbs to be what he was at when we got married. I said it was a great idea and I'd help him. He got mad at me for not wanting to lose weight too. I've only gained 5 pounds in three years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Zacholicious - 29/02/2016 12:04 - United States - Noblesville

Today, on my way home from work. There's a school zone on a county road where the speed limit is 30, so I slowed down as I passed through, as cops like to sit there and take advantage of the speed limit change. I got pulled over for "suspicious activity" because I was going 29 mph. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By indigoplateau - 29/02/2016 11:44 - United Kingdom - Edinburgh

Today I woke up feeling very nauseous and decided to have some green tea to try and settle my stomach. Apon finishing it, I began to feel far worse, and had no choice but to run to the bathroom and vomit. Through my glazed, blurry, teary eyes I watched a live spider wriggle & drown in the water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By sendhelp - 29/02/2016 10:54 - United States - Redding

Today, I just entered the fourth month of a near continuous period. Today, I also entered the fourth month after discontinuing use of the NuvaRing, something that was supposed to help regulate said period but failed. Miserably. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By slut - 29/02/2016 10:47 - Australia - Lane Cove

Today, I was called a slut by my husband due to "asking for too much sex". FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 29/02/2016 10:35 - Australia - Lane Cove

Today, my 21 year old son asked me if it was legal to marry a 14 year old. I then found out I'm going to be a grandmother. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 29/02/2016 10:26 - Australia - Lane Cove

Today, I found out my brother idolizes Hitler and Nazi ideologies. We're Jewish. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By BrokeAF - 29/02/2016 10:25 - Canada - Waterloo

Today, while going through bills, I got to my phone. I had gotten a call from my provider two weeks ago saying that since I was a loyal customer, they'd immediately give me more data and $5 off of my $85 dollar bill. Due to my poor financial situation, I strongly accepted. My bill is now $110. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Very confused Muslim - 29/02/2016 10:06 - Australia - Lane Cove

Today, after politely turning down an offer of a ham sandwich by a co-worker, she accused me of being religiously intolerant and an "obvious anti-Christian". I now have a meeting with the HR manager about my "issues with Christianity'. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

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Keywords

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The Top

Today, my son took his very first steps. Unfortunately, it was during my sister's wedding. She had a full-blown bridezilla meltdown over how he "stole her spotlight". FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 763

You deserved it 175

Today, I was on a flight and one of my friends was sitting next to this woman who happened to be sleeping with her mouth wide open. My friend decided to take a picture. While I was editing it, a man sitting behind us said "If you want to take a picture of my girlfriend, wait until she's awake". FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 511

You deserved it 66 336

Today, before my date came to pick me up, I put tissues under my arms so I wouldn't leave wet marks. I forgot to remove them, and when we got physical, they fell out, looking like I'd stuffed my bra. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 430

You deserved it 33 532

Today, I was trying to have sex with my boyfriend, David. I moaned his name and he whispered, "I'm not David." Then, with an Italian accent, he said, "It's-a-me! Mario!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 865

You deserved it 17 489

Today, I went to take a piss in a public bathroom. Somehow, I managed to completely jam the lock. After minutes of trying to get myself out, I gave up and crawled under the stall, at which point someone walked in and was very surprised to see me on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 011

You deserved it 3 349

Today, I found out that my divorced father is moving 3 houses down the street with his girlfriend, with whom he cheated on my mom. He will now be living 3 houses away from my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 175

You deserved it 393