Nearly FMLs

By HolyShirt - 29/02/2016 19:40 - United Kingdom - Taunton

Today, one of my lecturers shared a particularly harrowing story about discovering a man who had committed suicide on the weekend. Bad enough, until my friend loudly pointed out I was wearing my Suicidal Tendencies shirt. Someone threw food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Random1957 - 29/02/2016 19:32 - United States - Lake Villa

Today, I was walking in the hall past my crush and he was laughing in my direction, I later found out my period leaked through my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By MikaykayUnicorn - 29/02/2016 19:28 - United States - Blanchard

Today, after eating buffalo wings, I washed my hands and put my contacts in. When I closed my eyes, they began burning like the inside of Satan's asshole. Apparently I didn't get all the sauce off my hands. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By vancezd - 29/02/2016 19:14 - United States - New Kent

Today, I was nailing some wood for a project, I hit my finger and split my nail. I decided to continue after getting a bandaid, I broke my finger immediately. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By psackett - 29/02/2016 19:10 - United States - Detroit

today, I went to a friend's funeral. Not ten minutes after I left someone hit my car. She checked her car for damage got back in and drove off. I couldn't get her license plate or insurance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By kit - 29/02/2016 18:47 - United Kingdom - Milton Keynes

Today, I was excited to try a new vibrator as I've never orgasmed before. I tried for over an hour, not only did I not come but now everything I touch feels like it's vibrating slightly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By pzzachk - 29/02/2016 18:43 - United States - Decatur

Today, I worked my 7 hour pizza gig, and my jobless lazy boyfriend stayed home and did nothing. He asked for some loving, and I asked if it could wait until morning, because I was exhausted. He is currently taking care of himself as I'm trying to sleep. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By TheChubster - 29/02/2016 18:42 - United States - San Antonio

Today, I found out my Girlfriend is cheating on me. How you ask? I came home to her and a very large black man in our bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By redbed - 29/02/2016 18:38 - Germany - Hamburg

Today, exams week and an early period started. I always start to wear pads a few days before I expect my period just to be save, but it leaked in the night. I woke up to a pool of blood and fist sized stains on my panties, PJs and bed. The cramps were so bad, that I could barely walk to school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By hope - 29/02/2016 18:37 - United States - Fort Smith

Today, I bought 2 lottery tickets. I gave my friend the one i dropped outside in a puddle of water. I laughed in his face when he saw the damp ticket. He ended up winning $245 dollars off of it. I won nothing. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By SpottedZ3br4 - 29/02/2016 18:23 - Canada - Windsor

Today, my wife decided it was a good idea to take out son, whom is 3, on a walk with our dog. Our dog saw a squirrel, chased it running over my son and making my wife fall since she was trying to hold onto him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By ProbablyFailed - 29/02/2016 18:21 - United States - Markesan

Today, I took a timed essay exam in my Honors English class. I thought I did fairly well, and when time was up, I handed in my essay with confidence. Then, however, I overheard my classmates talking about the essay, and as it turns out, I answered the prompt using the wrong character. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By SoGoodAtLife - 29/02/2016 18:15 - Canada - Windsor

Today, I lost my virginity. it just happened to be to my friends mom while he was out at the store... FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 29/02/2016 18:05

Today I went to go get a wolf tattoo that I've been planning for years. After doing months of research I found the perfect place to go. Unfortunately they got a new artist who did my tattoo so badly that it looks like it's been kicked in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By I guess you really are 6 - 29/02/2016 18:04 - United States - Chicago

Today, I found out why my best friend of three years got so upset she asked everyone to leave the birthday party I planned for her. Her birthday is on Leap Day, but I planned it for yesterday, not realizing its Leap Year. She is considering if its in her best interest to stay friends with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By sosad - 29/02/2016 18:00 - United States

Today, the movers came in to my house to start boxing things up for my family and me. My dad called me from upstairs in an angry tone. apparently the movers had to make a big deal about "having to take the batteries out of my vibrator before boxing it" No one has made eye contact with me since. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By 1HateMyUsername - 29/02/2016 17:58 - United States - Chevy Chase

Today, I have diarrhea. My teacher did not believe me and I and ended up sharting in the middle of my class.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By dogestuffup - 29/02/2016 17:58 - Jordan - Amman

Today, to celebrate Leonardo's Oscar, I bought a different ramen flavour. I am too broke for anything else. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By SallyPE - 29/02/2016 17:56 - South Africa - Somerset West

Today I gave up my virginity to my boyfriend of 7 months. Afterwards he rolled off chuckling that my future husband is going to thank him one day. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By catdog414 - 29/02/2016 17:51 - United States

Today, my friend decided it would be fun to kick me in the balls, so I punched her in the boob. Yet somehow she's the victim. Ladies and gentleman, I present to you: equality! FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By busrider - 29/02/2016 17:50 - Canada - Toronto

Today, despite the fact I live in a city with adequate transit options, I once again got rejected for a date over the fact that I do not own a car. By a 25 year old woman that still lives with her parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By irisiridescent - 29/02/2016 17:48 - United States

Today, I had to pee really bad. As I was going to the bathroom, I went to step over my dog, who was laying on the floor. She scrambled to get up and in the process made me trip and fall. I ended up needing a shower. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By b5b0n36 - 29/02/2016 17:35 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I walked in on my sister with the garden hose in her vagina. later she apologized and said she was trying to "wash" out her boyfriends cum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By AviShtap - 29/02/2016 17:34 - United States - Newark

Today, I finally got over that nauseating flu, just in time for school. But I woke up with both eyes bloodshot and crusted shut, a friend trying to guilt-trip me into dating him, and what I later learned was an eye infection that got me sent out of school midday. This week is shaping up nicely. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By countryb_cth - 29/02/2016 17:26 - Canada

Today, I found out that my now ex boyfriend not only hit on my best friend during our relationship but also asked if they could have sex. He also asked her again two days after we broke up. We had been together for 3 years FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By mags89 - 29/02/2016 17:17 - United States - Rockford

Today, while sleeping, I dreamt my house was broken into overnight. Turns out, it wasn't a dream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Tr1x_Sh0t - 29/02/2016 17:12 - Canada - Airdrie

Today, i was sick and had food poisoning. After calling my boss he just said, to "man up and come to work." I told him that i was still too sick, he fired me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By siblingssuck - 29/02/2016 17:09 - United States - Mchenry

Today, i was checking myself out in the reflection of myself in my brother's car window. Turns out, he was in there and he wanted to scare me. He jumped towards the window and screamed like a maniac. He succeded in scaring me. So much so that i fell back in a puddle and soiled my clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By I am number 2 - 29/02/2016 17:02 - United States

Today, I work insurance on the phones and I'm speaking with the sweetest 70 year old lady and she's jabbering away about her health problems when all of the sudden I had to go shit and NOW. I have super bad stomach problems. She kept talking and I didn't make it to the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By LittleGina - 29/02/2016 17:00 - United States - Benson

Today, my now ex-boyfriend cheated on me because I got too fat...with his ex that he broke up with because she got too fat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

FML on Facebook

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The Top

Today, my youngest son thought that RedBull actually gave him wings. What it actually gave him was a trip to the ER and 7 stitches. It also gave me a meeting with social services. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 217

You deserved it 8 270

Today, I spent two hours filling out an online application and questionnaire for a potential employer. The application stated that there were no right or wrong answers and to answer truthfully. I was automatically rejected. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 447

You deserved it 5 396

Today, I was diagnosed with a clogged milk gland. I am not, nor have ever been, pregnant and therefore have also never breastfed. This condition is caused by my boyfriend's over-active urge to suck on my nipples. I'm in horrible pain, and he won't stop laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 957

You deserved it 6 301

Today, I wanted to annoy my sister by playing the air horn app on my iPhone. I forgot that I had headphones in. Let's just say I quickly had to change my underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 858

You deserved it 68 677

Today, my brother-in-law was nice enough to bring me lunch at work. The people I work with are so catty and immature that the rumors started flying almost immediately. Grow up already. FML

I agree, your life sucks 415

You deserved it 93

Today, some dumbass ripped my facemask off, spit in my face, and ran away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 245

You deserved it 208