Nearly FMLs

By flammaefata - 29/02/2016 09:56 - South Africa

Today, I arranged a surprise Valentine's picnic for my boyfriend. To keep costs low I held it in his parent's big back yard, so I let his family know I'm having a "surprise picnic" for him so they could keep it secret. Somehow they misunderstood and the whole family decided to join us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Sarah - 29/02/2016 09:46 - Australia - Lane Cove

Today, I stumbled upon a family secret. My mother's biological father was not a kindly young army officer that died before my mother's birth, he was actually my grandmother's much older brother. He's still alive. I call him my uncle. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 29/02/2016 09:35 - Australia - Banyo

Today, I was showering a patient for their morning shower, when I hear a high pitched fart. As there was no flapping noise with it I thought I was in the clear. Safe to say humans can make cow pats too, FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By lilfoodie - 29/02/2016 09:34 - Germany

Today, I have food poisoning. Yesterday, I was given 2 month expired tartar sauce from a fast food place. I only noticed after realizing it tasted weird. When I complained about it, they said that the health department said it was ok to serve. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Bawsack - 29/02/2016 09:18 - United Kingdom - Edinburgh

Today, i dyed my hair to look good for an interview. Having done it countless times before, I was confident about the process and didn't bother with a patch test. I've just left hospital after taking an anaphylactic shock. They had to shave all my hair off to stop the allergic reaction. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By ColCyclone - 29/02/2016 09:16 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, I realized I'm so terrified of intimacy, that I only use tinder as a way to pass time on the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By monaxx - 29/02/2016 08:56 - United States - Houma

Today, on my way to my now ex-bf house.. He texts me and cancelled our plans for my birthday lunch and dinner.. Come to find out he ditched me to be with his ex gf who was in town visiting and staying at his house the whole time. He would tell her he was hanging out with friends when with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 29/02/2016 08:54 - United States - Monroe

Today, my 3 year-old threw up all over the bathroom floor, gagging from the stench of his own diarrhea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Betrayed - 29/02/2016 08:46 - United States - Hawthorne

Today, I was told by my ex girlfriend's best friend that during our entire relationship I was being cheated on. With multiple guys. She had pictures to prove it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By anonymous - 29/02/2016 08:09 - United States - Scottsbluff

Today, my girlfriend of over three years and I just got in a fight over something really dumb. She told me, "I've hated us recently. " This is just a week after I've asked her father if I can marry her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By tranced_ - 29/02/2016 07:51 - India - Mumbai

Today, my dad called me by the name of his assistant who works at his office, asking for paper clips. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By OUCHHHHH!!! - 29/02/2016 07:49 - United States - Crestline

Today, while doing laundry my favorite thong slipped under the washing machine. I leaned my body weight against it just enough to be able to slide my hand underneath and pull it out. A rather angry spider crawled out and startled me causing me to drop the machine right on my hand. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 29/02/2016 07:42 - United States - Seminole

Today, I found out my ex-wife, whom I have had no contact with in two months, blames me for the loss of her one month pregnancy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By tessisue - 29/02/2016 07:32 - Germany - Lindlar

Today, when my lazy and dependend boyfriend told me he finally startet working on his project for professional school, I should have guessed that it meant "I told my mommy to do it for me." She actually did. And I wanted to move in with him. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By butIwouldn'tdothattoyou - 29/02/2016 07:23 - United States - San Francisco

Today I found out, after a weekend of silence, the person I was seeing is getting back together with their cheating, abusive ex-spouse. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By bummedbride - 29/02/2016 07:21 - United States - Meridian

Today, it's my wedding day. It's also the day that I woke up with diarrhea, as well as vomiting, menstrual cramps, and a case of heartburn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Ouchy - 29/02/2016 07:15 - Australia - Bracken Ridge

Today, during sex my girlfriend decided to spice things up and do it in a new way. Her idea of a new way is breaking my penis. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 29/02/2016 06:55 - United States - Toledo

Today, my husband's best friend admitted to me that he had a crush on me over text. I didn't have time to react to the news before he told me he wanted to come see me at work and hide it from my husband. Now my husband wants to beat his face in and we both lost a formerly great friend. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By tired - 29/02/2016 06:55 - United Kingdom - Sutton

Today, I put makeup on my face to make me look more tired- wrinkles, eye rings, the works. My family couldn't see a difference. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By UselessAtLife - 29/02/2016 06:51 - United States - Fredericksburg

Today, my mom told me that I have to break up with my boyfriend, or else I'll be kicked out of her house. I don't have the means to move out. My monthly private student loans are more than I make in a single paycheck. I'm qualified for retail...and retail. I'm 30. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By stubborn brat - 29/02/2016 06:46 - Australia - Turner

Today, I had to call an ambulance for my 12 year old niece after she hit her head when she held her breath till she passed out, all because I would only buy her three of the five video games she wanted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By KawaiiLettuce - 29/02/2016 06:18 - United States - Simi Valley

Today, a policeman knocked on my door, asking if me or my boyfriend had seen a man who robbed and shot someone earlier today. It was my dad. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By turtledude01 - 29/02/2016 05:53 - United States - Marshfield

Today, my dad said that if the vet bills for my dog cost more than $150 then he will put a bullet through his head. I've only had the dog for a week FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By shortstackk_83 - 29/02/2016 05:49 - United States - Baton Rouge

Today, I found out that my dad (who got divorced 11 years ago from my mother because he said he was gay), has lied to everyone until tonight at dinner. He has a wife of 10 years and five kids. Apparently he "couldn't keep rolling with that joke anymore". I didn't even know he was married. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By MissKenxx94 - 29/02/2016 05:49 - United States - Southfield

Today, my boyfriend proposed with a bread tie. Then got mad because I asked him if he was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By laughw_me - 29/02/2016 05:43 - United States - Brentwood

Today, After finally getting my dog in the car for a drive to a great hiking spot ,we began our trek. Unfortunately we had to end it quickly because he decided to shit all over my back seat,as well as my passenger seat. Even after two hours of cleaning my seats, it still smells like a shitstorm FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By dcam13 - 29/02/2016 05:30 - United States - Fountain Valley

Today, three policemen pulled me out of my car in a drive-thru and gave me sobriety tests simply because my friend and I were laughing while ordering our food and the fast food worker assumed we must be drunk. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By omlmylifesucks - 29/02/2016 05:27 - United States - Houston

Today, my best friend tells my boyfriend of 2 years that I have been sleeping with her brother as a joke. He thought he would get revenge by sleeping with my sister for real. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 29/02/2016 05:19 - United States - Vancouver

Today, my brother's overly clingy and needy girlfriend convinced my brother that unemployment is better just so she can have him wait on her hand foot. He agreed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By anonymous - 29/02/2016 05:13 - United States

Today, I sent my boyfriend a picture of my cuts. Instead of helping, all he said was "damn, you don't mess around!" Before breaking up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

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Keywords

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The Top

Today, my 11 year-old sister unfriended me on Facebook because I'm not "cool enough" to be seen on her profile. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 656

You deserved it 5 608

Today, I went to the dentist. She had a tool that sucks up saliva, and put it in my mouth. She told me to close my mouth, and I did. Turns out she forgot to turn it on, causing my saliva to go all over my face. I had to sit like that for the rest of the visit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 961

You deserved it 1 771

Today, over a year on from my parents telling me my dog had died, I went to the shelter to volunteer, and saw my old dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 618

You deserved it 2 612

Today, my cheating ex is still happily married with his new wife and kids 4 years after he left me for her. Meanwhile, I keep getting ghosted, left on “Read/Seen”, and getting a guy to be into me is like pulling teeth. I think it’s time to throw the towel on love and die alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 397

You deserved it 228

Today, my boyfriend decided to gift me soap, a razor, and deodorant for my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 821

You deserved it 6 893

Today, I brought my girlfriend of six months over to meet my family. When my grandpa saw her, he said, "What a waste of good breeding stock." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 473

You deserved it 2 543