Nearly FMLs

By Anonymous - 02/03/2016 03:07 - United Kingdom - London

Today I spent an hour making my make up perfect so that I could admit my feelings to my crush. It's raining like there's no tomorrow, I can't get a lift and the bus is late. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Shamanskinator - 02/03/2016 03:03 - United States - Denver

Today, I locked up the store I work at and forgot to put my name tag back on the fridge in the back room. Leaving the lock with the key still in for 20 seconds, some asshole thought it'd be funny to lock me in. I'm still here, guys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By Kushal - 02/03/2016 03:03 - United States - Olney

Today, I found a lost dog. The dog was so cute I couldn't resist taking him into my house.I decided to let it in so I can feed him since he looked really hungry. When I went into the kitchen, the dog knocked down my tv.FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By ReiracsNeve - 02/03/2016 03:01 - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, my birthday happened. The only thing my mom got me was a marijuana drug test kit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By um, okay? - 02/03/2016 02:49 - United States - New Orleans

Today, our guidance counselor came into religion class to teach us suicide prevention. But I guess I missed the concept of suicide prevention, because he was telling us that if we did want to kill ourselves that we should use a gun, because "it's one and done". Thanks high school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By OneBadSinger - 02/03/2016 02:47 - United States - Woodbridge

Today, I realized just how far away my dream of being a singer is, When my dog started howling along to my rendition of "Trap Queen". FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Bunny052011 - 02/03/2016 02:46 - United States - Plymouth

Today, I told my husband about how I straightened my hair for the first time in about 2 years. He said "You look like the woman I fell in love with!" And I said "How long has it been since you have seen that woman, because I haven't done this in about two year?" He replies "About two years." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 02/03/2016 02:46 - United States

Today, I found out that my girlfriend of one month is allergic to chocolate. Two weeks ago, I bought her expensive chocolate for Valentine's Day. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 02/03/2016 02:34 - Canada - Maple

today I saw a homeless man on my lunch break. I felt bad for him so I pulled out my wallet and gave him a 5 dollar bill. he was so thankful he stood up and gave me a hug. when I was about to pay for my lunch I reached into my back pocket only to realise that the homeless man took it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Shamrock1911 - 02/03/2016 02:27 - United States - Syracuse

Today, my mom and I were going through some old boxes. I saw my old Toy Story action figure. My mother decided to tell me now that if you take it apart it turns into a vibrator, which my father, "Always used" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By ughhh - 02/03/2016 02:25 - Antigua and Barbuda

Today, I found out I am pregnant, got chlamydia, and gonorrhea. When I told the father all of these things he blamed me for giving him the STDs and told me to get rid of the baby. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By rubio or sanders whatever - 02/03/2016 02:25 - United States - King George

Today, a woman told me that she agrees with Donald Trump about all Mexican immigrants being drug dealers, rapists, or murderers. My grandparents are Mexican immigrants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By HugoAedo - 02/03/2016 02:21 - Panama - Panama

Today, I asked my professor for an assignment I deliver to him a month ago. He said to me that I needed to do it again because he'll no waste his time searching for it. There goes two straight days of no sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By anon - 02/03/2016 02:20 - Antigua and Barbuda - Saint John's

Today, I found out my ex's brother got me pregnant. When I told him he flipped out and told me to drink a hot beer to kill the baby. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 02/03/2016 02:16 - United States

Today while visiting my father he told me the him and my mother had been divorced for several years now and she just came over when ever I visited to make it seem like they were still together.Fml

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By catherinecas - 02/03/2016 02:08 - United States - New Iberia

Today, after exiting the store a woman began loudly berating me for parking in a "normal" parking spot. She obnoxiously screamed at me to "Get my retarded ass back into the crippled spots." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By lintaffy - 02/03/2016 01:51 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I found out my long distance boyfriend cheated on me, and said "it just happened I still love you" to then saying "I don't know how I feel." Our one year anniversary is in two days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By nonjetsetter - 02/03/2016 01:47

Today, I should be on a plane to Mexico for an all inclusive relaxing stress free vacation. But instead my crippling anxiety wouldn't let me leave the house. I had to call and cancel my whole trip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By M1CHA3L_MY3RZ - 02/03/2016 01:33 - United States

Today, my new supervisor told me they were letting me go. After cussing her like a dog and throwing stuff, she said John there is no need for this, don't make us call the police. My name is Michael. Needless to say there are two jobs available at Walmart now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By I_Sometimes_Cry - 02/03/2016 01:26 - United States - Los Angeles

Today I was eating a can of pringles that I got a week ago. The last time I ate pringles was years ago. When I got to the end of the can, there was giant dead mosquito laying at the bottom. I'm never eating pringles again. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Dumb Accountant - 02/03/2016 01:18

Today, in my accounting class I noticed that the textbook and our homework had two different numbers for one problem so I asked the teacher such we should use. Her only response was "I don't know just use the one that makes the answer correct" this isn't the first or last time this has happened FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By not a terrorist - 02/03/2016 01:16 - United States - Vonore

Today, While I was shopping, An elderly woman called the police on and said "Be careful! They have a bomb under their jacket!" The officer then tackled me and broke my ribs. After they tackled me, they patted me down and found nothing. When I asked why she said " you look Muslim" FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 02/03/2016 01:14 - United States - Clarks Summit

Today I was trying to set up my wireless printer. I thought the app on my phone was already connected to my printer. I got all excited and printed out a nude picture of me so I could take it downstairs to my bf.It was sent to the closest print place to me. Yes its local..and yes my face was in it.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 2

By anonymous - 02/03/2016 01:04 - United States - Tampa

Today, I accidentally called my boyfriend by my exes name.He is now convinced im cheating...with my dead ex boyfriend FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 2

By ohkaythen - 02/03/2016 01:00 - United States - San Antonio

Today, I checked my voice mail. I had a message from my aunt saying "I'll see you at Oma's (my great grandmother) funeral, if you need help with the address call me". No one even told me my Oma had died.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By dirty dan - 02/03/2016 00:54 - United States - Sayville

Today, since I've been so sexually inactive, while getting my physical done I got an erection when the nurse told me to take me pants off. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By spyrosan2 - 02/03/2016 00:47 - Australia - Adelaide

Today, my mom sat me and my sister down and told us she was filing for divorce against our dad. Rather than telling us the standard "It's not your fault" or "We still love you." she told us that it WAS our fault and that the only thing my parents agree on these days is what a piece of shit I am. FM

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By fuckme - 02/03/2016 00:47 - United States - Wilkes Barre

Today, I learned that the first man that I started dating after a horrible long-term relationship was using me to cheat on his girlfriend. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By HylianBadger - 02/03/2016 00:37 - United States - Lyles

Today while looking at a house, a guy who was coming by to look at the same house rear-ended my car. He panicked, backed out of the drive way, and sped off before I could get his information. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By anonymous20 - 02/03/2016 00:36 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, I tried to call off work before I was sick. no one could come in so I had to work anyways, I was sent home for running to the bathroom throwing up every few minutes, the girl who decided not to show up to work yesturday cause she didn't feel like working still has a job and I don't. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

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The Top

Today, I walked into work to see my boss's hot son. I wanted him to notice me, so I did my "sexy walk". I then slipped and fell onto my desk, broke my desk, and sprained my wrist. Oh he noticed me alright. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 329

You deserved it 50 319

Today, I tried to give my first hand-job while wearing fuzzy socks in a carpeted room. I reached out to touch his dick and shocked him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 516

You deserved it 5 326

Today, I gave my virginity to my boyfriend. All I got in return was rug burn and an infection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 735

You deserved it 6 254

Today, my “best friend” threw me under the bus and got me fired from my job, possibly getting charges pressed against me. She told on me for sweethearting (ringing up one item when she'd bought multiple items) her, all because I’m dating a guy she likes. She didn’t even tell me she liked him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 326

You deserved it 1 119

Today, I had a dissociative episode that lasted over an hour. The trigger was the Netflix show Hilda. Other triggers were the games Tekken and Diddy Kong Racing. It just seems random at this point. FML

I agree, your life sucks 686

You deserved it 221

Today, a girl said to me, "Sorry, but I have a boyfriend". I hadn't said anything to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 929

You deserved it 3 232