Nearly FMLs

By markb993 - 05/03/2016 04:23

Today, I was so out of it I climbed on an escalator going the wrong way twice before realising why I was going backwards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By lovelost - 05/03/2016 04:16 - United States - Roswell

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because he saw me cuddling my best friend 2 days ago . This "cuddling" he spoke of was me hugging my friend when I saw him for the first time in 6 years after he came home from deployment.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By MissJ - 05/03/2016 03:55 - United States - Montgomery

Today, I found out I was post menopausal. That's why I have been crying for no reason all the time and extremely tired. Most people go through menopause in their mid 60's... I'm 18.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By ihatelife89 - 05/03/2016 03:54 - United States - Athens

Today, I found out that the concussion I have from 4 days ago, via softball, is affecting my memory. I have to play a sonata by memory tomorrow competing for a $300 prize and for the life of me I cannot remember it.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Seriouslybruh - 05/03/2016 03:52 - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, my boyfriend asked me some personal questions about my past sex life. I don't think it's normal to ask "how long did he last". I think I'm looking for a new boyfriend again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 05/03/2016 03:47 - United States - Saint Paul

Today my " new roommates" had a " group meeting. I came in, with the idea that I had 0 complaints. They all had paper lists. It was 60 minutes of them shitting on me. They ended it with " you should be happy. Most people wouldn't be nice enough to tell you." Yeah, real nice. FML

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You deserved it 0

By Curse you MC Hammer - 05/03/2016 03:34 - United States - Ottawa

Today, I sang "It's Potty Time" to my dogs to the tune of "It's Hammer Time" while doing the MC Hammer shuffle. They got so excited that I had to play while them in the yard. They both forgot to potty and I have spent the last ten minutes cleaning up doggy "gifts" inside my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By tkdbb11790 - 05/03/2016 03:30 - United States - Toledo

Today, I got pulled over. Why? The cop said I didn't have two hands on the wheel. I drive a 6 speed manual. FML

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You deserved it 0

By abbycha_ - 05/03/2016 03:29 - United States - Anderson

Today, I was home sick with a fever and I was so hot. A package was being dropped off at the house that I had to sign for. I went outside/signed for the package and said thank you, when I leaned over and grabbed the box the guy said, "No thank you" while smiling. I realized I only had panties on FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By StarLord - 05/03/2016 03:17 - United States - San Francisco

Today, i spent my afternoon surprising the homeless with free sandwiches. We wanted to show that being broke and hungry doesn't mean that good things can't happen. After we handed out the last one i find someone had cleaned all but $0.95 out my account. I am now broke and hungry. So is my wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By thunderbuns4 - 05/03/2016 03:08 - United States

Today, A girl I know slapped me across the face in class after i remarked about her legs looking like sausages. Yesterday she spent 45 minutes telling me about how her legs looked just like sausages. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Boonies Gal - 05/03/2016 03:01 - United States - Parma

Today, I finally get a call about a job. It was a wrong number. FML

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You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 05/03/2016 02:21 - United States - Nomans Land

Today I decided to finally tell my son that Santa isn't real. Crushed, he went to his room, locked the door, and hasn't spoken to me for a week. Hes 18. FML

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You deserved it 0

By BlueSteele220 - 05/03/2016 02:11 - United States - Keller

Today, I was carrying a tray of dishes to the kitchen, when a co-worker who wasn't paying attention bumped into me. This caused me to spill the dishes on a guest and I got chewed out by the guest and my boss. FML

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You deserved it 0

By holly_fly - 05/03/2016 02:00 - United States - Foley

Today, I'm so constipated I'm throwing up. My mom's only advice is to stick my finger up my butt and dig it out. Thanks mom, but I don't think this is gonna come out like a booger. FML

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You deserved it 0

By anonymous - 05/03/2016 01:51 - United States

Today, my mom blamed me for busting her lip open by pushing her. The truth is that she got drunk and as I was taking her to bed she fell and said she was "dying" on the floor. I had to spend hours with her in the hospital. FML

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You deserved it 0

By ouch - 05/03/2016 01:20 - United States - Nashville

Today, I was about to have sex with my boyfriend. He was feeling hesitant because he had no condoms, so I told him about my infertility. He replied by saying "Oh, that's awesome." FML

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You deserved it 0

By joi9496 - 05/03/2016 01:10 - United Kingdom - Glasgow

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. He usually asks me to keep my underwear on and just pulls them to the side and I've always thought this was just a fetish or something. I finally asked and he said no, wearing underwear stops his semen from spilling out onto the sheets. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By RabbitOfAurora - 05/03/2016 00:51 - Australia - Noble Park

Today, I've become so accustomed to my cat's harassment while I'm on the toilet, I found I was unable to go without her here. I had to call her in just so I could poop. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 05/03/2016 00:45 - United States - Woodbridge

I recently found out that I am facing a double mastectomy and a hysterectomy. I broke down crying, and my husband had his friends wife console me so he could play a board game. Tonight his female friend called in crisis and he literally ran out the door. FML

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You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 05/03/2016 00:39 - United States - Marion

Today, I told my mom that I'm having a sleeping problem this semester, which caused me to wake up exhausted and sometimes miss morning classes. Her solution is to continuously call me early every morning to make sure I "don't miss anymore morning classes", making me sleep even less. FML.

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You deserved it 0

By Ifyourebraveenough - 05/03/2016 00:38 - United States - Dallas

Today, in front of my 87 year old Catholic grandmother, my wife received a dildo as a wedding shower gift. I just spent 2 1/2 hours on the phone with her trying to calm her down. FML

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You deserved it 0

By wanderingsoul82 - 05/03/2016 00:36 - United States - Charlotte

Today, I spent two months moving in with my partner of two years. Moved to a new town and a new job. I'm now 99% sure we're going to end up breaking up because he's too emotionally abusive. FML.

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You deserved it 0

By ssssnnnaaakkee - 05/03/2016 00:31 - United States - Greenville

Today, my wife and I brought cookies to our new neighbors. After chatting on the porch, they invited us in. The first thing me and my wife noticed was a large aquarium with a snake in the living room. She freaked out, dropped the cookies and ran away screaming "I'm calling the cops!". She did. FML

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You deserved it 0

By purpbone - 05/03/2016 00:24 - United States - Perry

Today, I found out that my boyfriend likes to go "digging for gold" then give his "treasures" to my dog. FML

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You deserved it 0

By lug_from_behind - 05/03/2016 00:24 - United States - Harrison

Today, I took a 5 hour car ride with my family. I woke up to my siblings screaming, fighting, and hitting each other. We finally get to the hotel... They had a "mix up" and canceled our reservation. There's a big event in the area so all the hotels are booked. It's gonna be long drive home. FML

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You deserved it 0

By audijake18 - 05/03/2016 00:22 - United States - Grand Blanc

Today, I found out I was pregnant. How? I went to the local Health Department to get on birth control. Oh the irony. FML.

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You deserved it 0

By losergirl122 - 05/03/2016 00:14 - United States - Grand Blanc

Today, I had very drunk sex with my ex. We haven't been together in a year and a half. We ended up doing anal, now every time I walk I think of how stupid I was because I'm waddling and it feels like I need to take a massive shit all the time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 2

By Anonymous - 05/03/2016 00:10 - United States - Plymouth

Today, I told my girlfriend that I loved her for the very first time. She responded with " I had sex with your brother". FML

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You deserved it 0

By audijake18 - 05/03/2016 00:04 - United States - Grand Blanc

Today, I found out I was pregnant. How? I went to the local Health Department to get on birth control. The irony. FML.

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You deserved it 0

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Keywords

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The Top

Today, I was taking people's orders at the drive-thru. I was confused as to why people were screaming their orders at me, until one of my managers handed me a paper that he'd found taped to the menu, saying "speak loudly speaker isn't working properly." Punkd. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 753

You deserved it 3 311

Today, I had no idea my dad and my fiancé's dad are old enemies, until we brought our families together for the first time since we met and COVID rules were relaxed. Long story short, there was a brawl, lots of drinking, a destroyed back garden and we’re not engaged anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 086

You deserved it 97

Today, my mother-in-law keeps making fun of how I've "never seen any cool movies." I grew up in severe social isolation/constant physical abuse, and have memory loss from age 13 and below as a result. I've seen them, I just can't remember them, but she refuses to believe it, so I'll never hear the end of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 066

You deserved it 106

Today, thanks to my ex-husband's misogyny, my son is now convinced girls are inherently weaker and that if he had to, he could beat any woman in a fight, even if she was a trained martial artist or a soldier, because, "Men are the stronger gender." I can kick both their asses, husband and son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 277

You deserved it 283

Today, my car broke down. My dad insisted he could fix it, but screwed up in the process. After finally getting the car towed to a mechanic, I was told that I'd only needed a new water pump, but thanks to the damage my dad did, fixing it all will cost me a small fortune. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 018

You deserved it 3 796

Today, I had my first free night in months. I spent it doing homework and watching TV. I had set my Facebook status to say I was spending time with the boys from The Big Bang Theory, then fell asleep. I woke up later to an angry text from my boyfriend thinking I was cheating on him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 781

You deserved it 5 066