Nearly FMLs

By sweeneytodd6 - 04/03/2016 16:46 - United States - Mount Pleasant

Today, I am so excited that my long-distance boyfriend, whom I have not seen in 3 months, is driving 500 miles to visit me. Spring break started today! So did my period... FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By perkymango - 04/03/2016 16:40

Today, at my friends job as a vet, a woman came in with a cat and she said, "So, how's your little guy doing? There aren't many people here so we can have her in and out before you know it!" The cat was being euthanized. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By dayofdoom - 04/03/2016 16:20 - Netherlands - Alphen Aan Den Rijn

Today, I missed my flight, recovered by buying a night bus ticket only to miss the bus too. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By laneycat - 04/03/2016 16:11 - United States - Spring Hill

Today, I'm home alone. My laptop, WiiU, and my iPad apparently must have known this, because they've all suddenly stopped working. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By kyu_Q - 04/03/2016 15:57 - Russian Federation

Today, I'm singing to my wife and my daughter says to me, "You can't carry a note even if you had a bucket." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By hazzaisdabea - 04/03/2016 15:48 - Austria - Vienna

Today,while I was in the bus, a man, who was quite attractive shall I say, offered me his seat and said "Even my mum taught me to let an elder lady sit" FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By booklover2021 - 04/03/2016 15:41 - United States

Today, I was really excited because I didn't have to get up early. Both of my alarms when off at 5 and 6 in the morning, and my dad came in and tried to make me get up. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Ouch - 04/03/2016 15:35 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I learned what it feels like to be kicked in the balls with high heels. My gf said it turned her on to do it. The sad part is, it turned me on too. Looks like my balls are going to be sore a lot in the future. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By xhuerta113 - 04/03/2016 15:31 - United States - Atlanta

Today, I got shoved into a locker by my ex boyfriend. The reason? I confronted his girlfriend for threatening my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 04/03/2016 15:29 - South Africa - Pretoria

Today, I gave my fist blowjob. Me and my boyfrind started kissing and unzipped his pants. To my suprize he was huge! So huge I choked when I tried to get more than half in my mouth and vomitted all over his favorite shirt. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By fluffahtoast - 04/03/2016 15:19 - United States - Gilbert

Today, I hate my fast food job so much that I've actually contemplated cutting my hand on "accident" to go home early. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By ohnonotheragain - 04/03/2016 15:10 - United States - Middleton

Today, one of my former co-workers emailed me about the obnoxious, abrasive, paranoid, hate-the-world secretary at my old job. She would never shut up, and I was so glad not to have to put up with her shit when I left that job. It turns out was just hired by my new employer. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Time to have a talk - 04/03/2016 15:04 - United States - Reynoldsburg

Today, I was wondering why weird videos with things like incest or naked farting women were appearing in the 'recommended' section of a YouTube account I set up for my family. Searching the history, I realized all these videos were being watched around the time my dad gets drunk. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 04/03/2016 15:02 - United States - Indianapolis

Today, my husband came home while I was getting dressed. I hurriedly brushed past him half dressed to put my contacts in after which I realized it was not him but his father, standing there with a boner. This birthday party is going to be really uncomfortable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By peepeepants - 04/03/2016 14:28 - Australia - Carnegie

Today, I was standing in line at the cash counter of a mega grocery store. I had the urge to pee but figured I'm close to the end of the line mighteswell hold. turns out I have a uti & didn't even realize I peed my pants. I was in white jeans standing in a puddle of pee. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Roy - 04/03/2016 14:16 - Anonymous Proxy

Today, I had the unfortunate job of telling my mother that several of her neighbors had asked me to remind her that the next time she decides to do her housework naked could she remember to close the living room curtains as there are several young children with bedrooms that face her house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By the horror - 04/03/2016 13:47 - Anonymous Proxy

Today, I was untangling my pubes so they wouldn't get caught in the trimmer while I was manscaping, and I found a pube that was longer than my penis, like, twice as long. I tell myself it was just a really long pube because the alternative is admitting my penis is just that small. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Jobless4life - 04/03/2016 13:46 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, I was fired. Not for any failure on my part, but our financial director went on paid medical leave and hiring a replacement means they can't afford to pay everyone and they fired everyone who was still on trial. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By WolfyPup64 - 04/03/2016 12:53 - United States - Levittown

Today, I somehow pulled a muscle while yawning. It's been 2 hours and it still hurts like crazy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Christmasisgoingtobeawkward - 04/03/2016 12:44 - Australia - Erskineville

Today, my parents sat me down and told me they were getting a divorce because the man I've been calling Dad for 15 years is actually my uncle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By so grossed out - 04/03/2016 12:29 - United States - Raleigh

Today, my supervisor asked me out on a date. This wouldn't be so bad if I wasn't under 18 while he's over 25. Not to mention he's engaged. Now I'm forced to work shifts with him in tense silence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By missmootoyou - 04/03/2016 12:03 - Australia - Westmead

Today, I have an air freshener that is activated by movement, or you can press a button. I was lying in bed, in the dark trying to sleep when it did a long creaky spray. I live alone and have no pets. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By WreakedMom - 04/03/2016 11:47 - Hong Kong - Central District

Today, all of my three toddlers had to pee during a long car ride. I gave them a bottle and it was soon filled to the rim. I quickly chugged the bottle of ice tea on the side attempting to empty it for them. I did not know they sold pee flavoured iced tea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By thelordofpies - 04/03/2016 11:43 - United States - Newark

Today, I pulled a muscle in my back. Every move I make hurts, but my mom said I'm 'lying to get out of exercise' and made me go running. I'm in agony. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By EveryoneSaw - 04/03/2016 11:36 - United States - Severn

Today, my friends handed out cookies with frosting. I ate mine and several minutes later saw something on my pants. Assuming it was frosting I picked it up and popped it in my mouth. It was styrofoam. I choked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By thatonecouple - 04/03/2016 11:34 - Hong Kong - Central District

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to have sex, After getting caught mid way in the act, his roommate revealed how he already knew about the midnight sex, shower sex and car sex we've been having for the past week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By tabypatchkid - 04/03/2016 11:19 - United States - San Antonio

Today, my mother in law heard me say in about a year we're gonna start planning on having kids. She freaked out and told me Its to early. Ive been married 3 years. She told her other daughter in law they need to have kids right away. They're not even married yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By that one b!tch - 04/03/2016 11:10 - Australia - Guildford

Today, I'm spending the afternoon at my friends place, we are currently experiencing a heatwave and I don't think they realise their air conditioner blows out hot air. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By epicosity10 - 04/03/2016 10:49 - United States - Newton Center

Today, I got an invite to my exes wedding with the guy she cheated on me with.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By whosYoDaddy - 04/03/2016 10:44 - Australia - Castle Hill

Today, at the doctors, I found out I'm infertile. My wife is 5 months pregnant. FML

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You deserved it 0

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, my funny, handsome, intelligent, caring, all around awesome boyfriend and I broke up. He introduced me to his fetish and wanted me to participate. His fetish? Dressing, talking, and acting like a baby. He wanted us to both wear diapers and pretend to be babies together. Fuck that noise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 878

You deserved it 305

Today, my eight-year-old son thought that if he swallowed soap, his farts would smell like soap. The smell of vomit and diarrhea now permeating my house is proof of how wrong he was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 278

You deserved it 2 739

Today, I was riding in the backseat while my mom was driving. Noticing she was driving way over the speed limit, I opened a police siren app on my iPod to make her slow down. When she realized, she pulled over, kicked me out of the car and made me walk home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 541

You deserved it 45 584

Today, I texted my boyfriend a cute picture that I drew for him, with a little note saying "love you." He replied by sending me a picture of a nose hair he'd plucked, along with the caption, "longest one yet." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 964

You deserved it 4 300

Today, I had sex with my new boyfriend for the first time. Afterwards, he said, "I know women who would be really self-conscious about nipples like that. I love that you accept yourself." I had no clue there was anything odd about my nipples. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 914

You deserved it 3 787

Today, my fiancé and I appeared in the paper for obtaining our marriage license. In the same column half way down his parents appeared for filing their marriage dissolution petition. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 626

You deserved it 2 030