Nearly FMLs

By justagirlcoveredinfertilizer - 04/03/2016 04:48 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I finally decided to suck it up and ask my crush out. I walked up to him, feeling confident as ever, until I face planted on a bunch of pebbles, knocking over 2 potted plants, multiple bikes, and a guy selling corn. My crush ended up posting a video on my little incident. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By bad hair day - 04/03/2016 04:44 - Canada

Today, I sneezed whilst having a haircut. The barber suggested a mullet to make it look natural. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By dirty_dan_ - 04/03/2016 04:35 - United States - Kingsport

Today,I saw an old family friend that I haven't spoken to in about 5 years. I asked him how his wife was doing, apparently she died about 6 months ago.. He cried to the point of snot-bubbles... FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By poor af - 04/03/2016 04:24 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I found out that the minimum wage is going up 50c which means the pay rise of 50c I got last week was for nothing, and I won't be getting another rise for the next two years, since I had one already. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By sammysoomba - 04/03/2016 04:16 - United States - Old Saybrook

Today, while I was at work (I'm a veterinarian), a woman had brought in her dog who had been her friend for many years, to be euthanized. I only figured this out after I asked her, "He's only here for a checkup, right?" She started crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By i hate my life - 04/03/2016 04:09 - Canada - North Vancouver

Today, the boys in my grade 11 english class started swearing, and the teacher got mad and gave the girls 8 essays to write for tmr. Its suppose to punish the boys and make them feel bad.. While im here writing 8 freaking essays. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By bkboo1007 - 04/03/2016 04:07 - United States - Broadview Heights

Today, my mother in law said she liked my husband's ex more than me. His ex has no job and is doing nothing with her life and never supported him, I'm in veterinary school on military scholarship and support every choice he makes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 0

By Hunter_V2_0_1 - 04/03/2016 03:57 - United States - Garden City

Today, while at work, my coworker was handing me windows from the back of the box truck, and decided he needed to show off for a girl, and ended up dropping a window that I caught, but in the process made my arm look like a bruised banana... FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By ggm8fuckmearse - 04/03/2016 03:52 - United States - Pottstown

Today, I went to use a public restroom. I went to blow a big old pube off the toilet seat before doing so. I mistimed my breath in and accidentally sucked the pube into my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 04/03/2016 03:50 - United States - Dupont

Today, I confronted my cheating psychopathic father. He threatened to kick me out of the house because I "have a bad attitude". FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By OhNo. - 04/03/2016 03:49 - United States - Bakersfield

Today, while making out with my girlfriend, my boob accidentally popped out, flashing a few people. The resulting jokes caused a guy to laugh so hard he had an asthma attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 04/03/2016 03:47 - United States - Port Orchard

Today, I overheard my boyfriend's dad talking to his brother about how I'm a free loader because I moved in with them and I don't pay rent and I eat all their food. He was the one who offered for me to move in and I offered to pay rent and he refused.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By yolomcswagginss - 04/03/2016 03:45 - United States - Vacaville

Today, my doctor gave me the news that I have cancer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By blupariah - 04/03/2016 03:38 - United States - Delhi

Today, two people at my job quit. Leaving me to pick up a ton of their hours. I have a physical disability (MS) and shouldn't be working this many hours. I have to stand on my feet for 6-10 hours daily, 6 days a week. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By arcanicEmbers - 04/03/2016 03:37 - United States - Norfolk

Today, I was on call with a friend while he was playing with a voice changer. Some of the sounds he was using freaked me out so badly I had an anxiety attack and couldn't think or talk properly, so I started to stutter. He then suggested we hang up because stuttering triggered his misophonia. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 04/03/2016 03:30 - United States - Texarkana

Today, after a couple years of saying no when a good guy friend of mine (who I had a small crush on) asked for nudes, I finally gave in and even sent three. He told me I've reached my limit and to stop. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By NotAnArtist? - 04/03/2016 03:29 - United States - Toledo

Today, after turning in a painting I've worked on for a month, which the teacher said would count for over half of our quarterly grade, and even after telling me she had confidence my art would be great, she wrote a big fat 'F' on the rubric, and wrote 'LOL' underneath it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By CalixQyu - 04/03/2016 03:29 - United States - Arlington

Today, it took me nearly longer than it should've to explain to my brother why, he can't hatch chickens from grocery store eggs. Not only does he still not believe me, but he's 18 years old. He's currently looking up incubators. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By IcedSapphire - 04/03/2016 03:28 - United States - New Richmond

Today, I attended my friend's funeral. As it was a last minute funeral, I had to mention to my manager that I wouldn't be able to come in. He told me I'd have to come in since they were short staffed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By sos - 04/03/2016 03:27 - United States - Westfield

Today, I went back to the doctors. I was there only two days ago when they said "Eh, you're fine, just a cold." It just so happens that I now have an upper respiratory infection, 2 ear infections, and strep that I must not have had two days ago when I could barely breathe or move.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Liv3366 - 04/03/2016 03:26 - United States - Mary Esther

Today, while getting my braces tightened for the last time, I heard a loud snap, felt a horrendous pain shoot through my jaw, the metallic taste of blood, and heard the orthodontist simply say "oops". Guess who has to wear braces for another 2 years? FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 04/03/2016 03:23 - United States - Milford

Today in an effort to lose some weight I got salad at lunch. My friends reacted to this by calling me anorexic and dragging me to the office. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By um - 04/03/2016 03:23 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, a "customer" berated me for being incompetent in my job for not covering the to-go cup properly in the midst of a rush hour, causing him to spill his drink. This would have been fine if he had paid for a real drink instead of just asking for a cup of warm water and walking out after. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By madysin - 04/03/2016 03:21 - United States - Fort Wayne

Today, my 11 month old climbed into a swing at daycare and got stuck upside-down, screaming and his legs flailing. The day before he was praised for being the smartest kid in his class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anon - 04/03/2016 03:19 - United States - Eatontown

Today, my girlfriend was super pissed at me and wouldn't tell me why. When I finally got her to tell me it was because she had a dream where I cheated on her. I don't know which is worse her believing a dream more than me or the fact she was mad at me like I actually had. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By pukey - 04/03/2016 03:15 - United States - Grand Junction

Today, I was giving my BF a blowjob. He thrusted up and I puked on his dick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By aye lmao - 04/03/2016 03:00 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, after my girlfriend cheated on me and I (regrettably) took her back, ever since then she makes up lies that I don't let her have a personal life and that I don't let her see any "guy friends"... She tells all these lies to her mom right in front of me, who has no clue she cheated on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 04/03/2016 03:00 - United States - Emmaus

Today, my cat who I've adopted from a shelter invited me to pet him as I was leaving for work, he then proceeded to bit me as hard as he possibly could. There are now bloodstains on my steering wheel. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 04/03/2016 02:59 - Canada - St. John's

Today, I had a midterm so I checked my schedule to make sure I had the right time. I realized I had spent all of exam break studying for the wrong midterm. My actual exam was in three hours and I hadn't even opened the novel. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By am1717 - 04/03/2016 02:57 - United States - Los Gatos

Today, my boyfriend was going down on me, when suddenly he sneezed... Right into my pussy. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

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The Top

Today, I was falling asleep on my desk, my head on my fist. My elbow slipped off the edge of the desk and I punched myself, leaving a fist mark on my cheek. At school, people think my parents hit me. My parents think I'm getting bullied at school. No one believes the actual story. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 803

You deserved it 5 459

Today, I met a hot guy at the club. We danced and had a really good time, so I invited him home with me for the night. The next morning, I awoke to the sound of what I thought to be running water. I looked up to find him, naked, and pissing into my air conditioner unit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 485

You deserved it 25 724

Today, I texted my cousin to ask if he and his wife got the baby onesie I sent, as they are expecting their first child together. Turns out they got it, but it upset his wife as she had recently lost the baby. No one had told me before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 562

You deserved it 72

Today, I went on a dinner date with the guy I like. He ate all his food then started eating off my plate, going on to eat over half of my food. When the bill came, he made me pay for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 277

You deserved it 7 464

Today, I came home and found a can of body spray. My parents get me a new scent whenever they go shopping, which is usually at least twice a week. They left a note: "Do you get it yet?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 760

You deserved it 35 087

Today, my boss said he was giving me a significant raise. After he requested the payroll department to raise my salary they informed him he needed to fill out a one-sheet form. He took my raise away because he didn't want to fill the sheet out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 904

You deserved it 2 750