Nearly FMLs

By welpwelpwelp - 04/03/2016 02:36 - Australia - Wollongong

Today, I embarrassed myself by walking into the wrong class. After forgetting about it several hours later, someone taps me on the shoulder and says "You're that confused guy who walked into our nursing class, right?" He fucking remembered. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Letmesleep - 04/03/2016 02:29 - United States - Murphysboro

Today, like most days, I have insomnia. I was finally about to doze off to sleep when my mom pulled into the drive way, setting off our blind dog howling and the Chihuahuas high pitch bark, along with one of our cats scratching at my door. It's going to be another long night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By anonymous - 04/03/2016 02:02 - United States

Today, I got a knock on my door from a process server. My husband is being sued over child support for his 6 year old daughter I didn't know existed. We have been married 14 years and have 2 children. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Catbug22 - 04/03/2016 02:00 - United States

Today, I want to the doctor and I possibly have a hernia that's so rare only 50 cases have been reported and the last one was in 1950. My doctor doesn't even know how to approach this surgery.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Kers3054 - 04/03/2016 01:54 - United States - Uniontown

Today, while getting my hair done, my mother was telling the hair dresser about my bout of anorexia like I wasn't even there. Thanks mom.... FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By IWhiskCabbagesWithABrick - 04/03/2016 01:24 - United States - Mclean

Today, one of my son's braces fell off so he superglued it back on because he was too lazy to tell me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By putsomeclotheson!! - 04/03/2016 01:23 - Australia - Perth

Today, I awoke to hear the garbage truck coming down our street and realised I'd forgotten to put the bin out. I catapulted out of bed, through the house and raced the bin to the verge just as the truck got there. Then remembered that all I was wearing was a skimpy singlet and undies. Oops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By ChilledCheese - 04/03/2016 01:21 - United States - Lincoln

Today, I was cut from my high school's baseball team. I've now officially been cut from each and every one of the school's sports teams. I'm a 12th grader and I have not once represented my school in the four years I've been here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By sarah1234489 - 04/03/2016 01:08 - United States - Longview

Today, I realized my anxiety is so bad, I can't even eat without convincing myself someone poisoned it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anon - 04/03/2016 01:08 - United States - Shepherdsville

Today, my stepmom walked in on me naked, she apologized profusely, so it should have been easy to forgive and forget, but then she made a comment on how "it" was the biggest she's seen in a while, and then did a double take. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By HolyShitake - 04/03/2016 01:00 - Canada - Brampton

Today, I was asked by my co-worker if I liked cream pie, I said yes, not realizing that it meant something completely different. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By AlyssaMiranda123 - 04/03/2016 00:59 - United States - Stroudsburg

Today, my boyfriend called me freaking out saying I needed to come to the house immediately. I rushed over running 2 red lights. Only to find the cat threw up and he was too lazy to clean it up, FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By OPGDivinity - 04/03/2016 00:50 - United States - Gilbert

Today,I asked my girlfriend what her kinks were and she mentioned anal as one of them I got exited and say we try it as soon as we got ready I saw her pull a dildo from under her mattress, FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By alcohol - 04/03/2016 00:48 - United States - Downingtown

Today, I found out my friends boyfriend drinks. His mom also offers him the alcohol. He is in middle school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By matt_smith_702 - 04/03/2016 00:47 - United States - Avon

Today, I made the mistake of brushing my teeth before eating mint chocolate chip. Now, my mouth tastes like how paint smells. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 04/03/2016 00:44 - Canada - Rodney

Today I had clean out my nose with a q-tip like I've had to do since I'd gotten it pierced. As I pulled out a gigantic booger, it fell off the q-tip into my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By iSamsung - 04/03/2016 00:20 - United States - Chicago

Today, my little brother of 10 years old came up to me and asked me how to masturbate. After I declined, he stole my laptop, looked up "how to fap" and I now hear moaning every few minutes. The best part is, my parents won't believe me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By bitchnamebailey - 04/03/2016 00:10 - United States - Olympia

Today, I got a new birth certificate because my parents lost my original. I found out I've been celebrating my birthday on the wrong day for 17 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By me - 03/03/2016 23:58 - United States - Lumberton

Today, I think the only debate in my parents separating is who gets the dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By hotpinkcombstho - 03/03/2016 23:50 - United States - Cupertino

Today at school I saw a hot pink comb on a desk where a guy sat. I made a joke about how the guy was probably gay to my friends. He was right behind me. Turns out the comb belonged to the 6'3", short-tempered striker on our varsity team. He kicked me. It's been five hours and I'm still limping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By IHateMotherNature - 03/03/2016 23:47 - United Kingdom - Warrington

Today, after waiting months for doctors appointments and referrals about a pain Ive been getting for 5 years I finally got my appointment for the gynaecologist. Today was also the day "Aunt Flow" decided to visit after being 2 weeks late. Ive been referred again. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By stomach flu: 1 me: 0 - 03/03/2016 23:44 - United States - Dallas

Today, I missed 3 exams and an essay because of being stuck by the toilet with the stomach flu. Due to district rules I'm not allowed to come back to school next day, and am not allowed to make up work after a week has passed. Next week is spring break. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By laurenevans - 03/03/2016 23:39 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, my self esteem reached a new low when I found out that my 14 year old sister had a better sex life than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By kansas25 - 03/03/2016 23:23 - United States - Brownwood

Today, on my first day of training at new job when I sat in the front seat of the car it smelled of pee. When we stopped I got out and my pants felt damp. I touched my pants smelled my hand which smelled of pee. Turned out a patient had peed in the seat. I sat in pee on my first day at work... FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By wishiwasaguy - 03/03/2016 23:11 - United States - Navarre

Today, I learned that my period is 5 times as heavy as a normal 30mL period. This is a light month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 03/03/2016 23:07 - United States - Seattle

Today, in my Deaf Culture class, a kid was yelling derogatory slurs against the (deaf) teacher behind her back. When I tried to tell her, I got sent to the principle for "spreading lies about the principle's son". FML.

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By Jolly Roger - 03/03/2016 22:59 - France - Colombes

Today, after barely 2 hours of sleep, I call my manager to ask if I can skip work to rest. She yells at me to come asap. When I get to work, my other coworker tells me she's going home because she's too tired to work. My manager is ok with that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 03/03/2016 22:55 - United Kingdom - Kilmarnock

Today, I came home from work to find that my father had given away my puppy to a man he met the day before in the pub. His excuse was 'the man needed cheering up'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Sargasm - 03/03/2016 22:40

Today, I noticed that our toilet had a funny smell. I looked closer and found a brown ring just inside the lip, out of sight. After scrubbing it for about 10 minutes I finally got it cleaned off. Relieved, I dropped the scrubber into the water. It splashed. I actually felt the mist hit my eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By kevinfmls - 03/03/2016 22:35 - United States

Today, I went on the bus and sat down minding my own business. I was one stop away from my house, when a bunch of drunk-faced teens got on. One of the sat next to me and burped loudly a few times, I then turned around to confront him. He burped in my face, only this time , he threw up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

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The Top

Today, I got notice that I didn't get the new position I applied for at work. After two interviews, pay negotiation and paperwork, as well as years of giving this place all my time, I found out my boss gave it to his friend's daughter, who has no experience or credentials needed for the position. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 433

You deserved it 105

Today, I miss the days when I was younger and my parents used to at least try to hide all the sex they were having. Now I’m all grown up, they just yell out not to come upstairs for at least 30 minutes, and they no longer even attempt to keep the noise down either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 302

You deserved it 514

Today, I found my phone under the car seat after three days. I flipped it open ready to issue apologies to everyone who had tried to get in touch with me and I had worried. No missed calls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77 964

You deserved it 10 322

Today, and for the last few months, I finally have enough money to be able to move into my own place. I can finally have girls over. I am also at the age of 26, where most girls stop wanting to go over to a guy's house. I wish I was 18 again, when independence is seen as new and sexy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 238

You deserved it 341

Today, I was at my grandfather's house and my car was low on gas. He said I could put some of his gas in my car. He accidentally gave me the wrong tank to pump it out of, and I put fuel in my car that he uses for his small plane. It never ran better until the engine exploded. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 585

You deserved it 3 882

Today, I told the man I love to "go first" when we started talking at the same time. I wanted to confess my feelings, he wanted to tell me about his engagement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 224

You deserved it 2 554