Nearly FMLs

By kjackie - 05/03/2016 17:47 - United States - Middletown

Today, after months of working up courage, l finally admitted to my husband that l am anorexic. He said l should keep it up because my body has never look better. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 05/03/2016 17:42 - United States - Perkasie

Today, my husband told me I need to stop losing weight because I'm losing my curves. I'm losing weight because I'm depressed, because he's divorcing me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By burningdiarrhea - 05/03/2016 17:33 - Anonymous Proxy

Today, I tried to play a prank on a friend of mine by putting strong laxative in her water bottle. I then drank from the same bottle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By juturnaamo - 05/03/2016 17:33 - United States - San Francisco

Today, after 5 years in the regular Army, I was happy to go to training with my new, relaxed, Guard unit. No one put out a packing list, packed heaters, or inspected the tents. It's 35 degrees and raining. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By computersforidiots - 05/03/2016 17:19 - United States - Abington

Today, I have been having some trouble keeping my gaming PC cool, as it overheats frequently. My friend suggested I get an H2O cooling system, but replace the tank with liquid nitrogen for optimum performance. Now I am living back with my parents and my homeowners insurance won't cover the loss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 05/03/2016 17:17 - United States - Dallas

Today, for the first time I'm going on a cruise. This would've been great if it weren't for the fact I tripped and rolled my foot. The trip is going to last a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 05/03/2016 16:58 - United States - Fremont

Today I was having a "tea party" with my two year old daughter. I quickly remembered she can't reach the sink and had scooped up toilet water into the cups. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 462

You deserved it 479

By coleyboo - 05/03/2016 16:51 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, my son decided to remove his diaper and pee. This would've been fine if it wasn't on my new comforter that I had just went out and brought, FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 05/03/2016 16:50 - United States - Austin

Today, I finally came to terms with my Candy Crush obsession when I closed my eyes and saw candy matching that of the game. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By trainsauce - 05/03/2016 16:44 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my new boss showed me nude pictures of myself on his phone. He said I had to do what he wanted or he'd expose them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By DataWog - 05/03/2016 16:36 - Canada - Victoria

Today, I finally found out why my best friend lied about the reason she uninvited me to her birthday party way back in highschool. She was mad about how I 'broke up' with her. I never even knew we were dating. She destroyed our entire friendship because of an imaginary relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By TheRealCmPunk - 05/03/2016 16:06 - United States - Reno

Today, I woke up with my girlfriend in my arms, we woke up at the same time so I kissed her cheek and said "good morning beautiful." she punched me and broke up with me for cheating on her in her dream last night. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By CoolerOnline - 05/03/2016 15:45 - Canada - Westlock

Today, I learned that my former boss cyber-stalks me and sends my current boss a weekly report on my online activities in the hopes of getting me fired. Luckily, my current boss finds my Doctor Who blog lame and nothing to get worked up about. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By BadBirthday - 05/03/2016 15:38 - United States - Lawrenceville

Today, for my birthday, I got a new phone, some money, and a dead grandpa. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Ramb0 - 05/03/2016 15:13 - United Kingdom - Bournemouth

Today, a toddler stept on my cats tail. The toddler now has scratches all over his face and the kids mum is trying to sue me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By RedBeansBrownRice - 05/03/2016 14:20 - United States

Today, I returned to work after recovering from a foot injury for 2 weeks. An hour into my shift my power equipment malfunctioned and ran over my other foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Daddysliltoy - 05/03/2016 14:11 - United States - Houston

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend. He screamed and cursed at me then wouldn't understand why I wanted to leave. Now he's making himself seem like the victim. Even to my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 05/03/2016 13:43 - United States - Nomans Land

Today, my kids got bored and decided to make up a game. All would have been fine, if the game wasn't called break and run. I had 24 phone calls about my 8 and 9 year old smashing cars with sticks, throwing rocks through windows, and just about anything you can imagine. They even broke our tv. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By Moonshinegurl - 05/03/2016 13:42 - United States - Newark

Today, I had to drive my fiancés car because he still hasn't put my new plates on. He works at the dealership that we got the car from and what's worse is we have had these plates for serval weeks now. On top of that he has been driving the car to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 05/03/2016 13:41 - United States - Wichita

Today, since I was on-call for any emergencies, I had to take a patient to the hospital in the middle of the night for stomach pain. I spent six hours in the ER to be told he was constipated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By dabaerju - 05/03/2016 13:23 - Philippines

Today, I am on a long bus journey going back home. A gay guy is sitting right next to me. Normally this wouldn't be a problem, except if I wake up and find him sleeping on my shoulder with his hand on my lap. This is the 3rd time during a bus journey that this has happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By bronxiecat777 - 05/03/2016 13:16 - United States - Glen Burnie

Today, my father's girlfriend called me a terrorist. Why? I wanted a BLT for breakfast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By PotatoesAndCake - 05/03/2016 12:49 - United Kingdom - Porth

Today, the man I have been in love with for seven years, told me that he loved me and wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. Too bad he's married and has a kid. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By AnimeCommittee - 05/03/2016 12:41 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I got a call from my mother. She was arrested for prostitution. I gave the phone to my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By AlysoninAlaska - 05/03/2016 12:35 - United States - Wasilla

Today, like he does every few months, my fiancé wet the bed. This time though, he managed to soak himself, all 3 of our sheets/blankets, a pillow, and the cat, before it woke him up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By AVmommy - 05/03/2016 12:27 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I found photoshopped pictures on my phone of me posing for a mugshot. And to make matters worse my son called 911 and I actually got arrested. FML

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You deserved it 0

By ohmyg - 05/03/2016 12:21 - Norway - Lorenskog

Today, my boss told me to stop using "so much makeup" on work, because it "didn't look right". I don't use makeup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By best mom ever - 05/03/2016 12:13 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I was was walking through the mall when I got arrested for "stealing" a bag I had own for 3 years. The cops then charged me for armed robbery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By Ekans - 05/03/2016 12:07 - Canada - Burnaby

Today, after being horribly sick and bed ridden with the flu for 3 days, my 8 year old daughter comes to my bedside, smiles and says "hurry up and die, you're boring and I want to live with someone else now" FML.

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You deserved it 0

By keyofhappiness - 05/03/2016 11:50 - United States - Layton

Today, I found out that my 24 year old sister thinks a prostrate is, "The tubey thing that runs through the middle of the penis. You know, where the pee comes out." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, I turned 15, and I am allowed to wear a bikini now, so I modeled for my family. My brother (who's 18) was really wowed when he saw me. I asked what's wrong; he said, "Nothing, which is the point. I know you're my sis, not my girlfriend, but damn you have a pretty body." Is it OK that my bro thinks I'm hot? FML

I agree, your life sucks 438

You deserved it 166

Today, I told my ultra-Catholic mother that I was hanging out with a girl. While walking out of the flat, I didn't realize that I'd dropped one of my condoms out of my pocket. My mother saw it and ripped it apart, then yelled at me that, "Sex is for having children! You're giving yourselves to Satan!" I'm 20. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 312

You deserved it 351

Today, my motorcycle was stolen from the 4th level of my “secure” gated parking garage. I strategically park it tightly between my car and a concrete wall to limit theft opportunity. They scratched my car trying to get it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 864

You deserved it 3 940

Today, my psycho ex tried to call the cops on me for "poisoning her food." I live two hours away from her, and have no money or gas to go anywhere near her. Turns out, she poisoned herself for eating raw chicken and pizza dough. I have a child with this idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 762

You deserved it 363

Today, I realized why my husband had been seemingly wanting to improve our relationship by sending little texts throughout the day for the last couple of months, asking what I was doing. It was so he could find out when would be the best time to have his girlfriend over and cheat on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 000

You deserved it 2 866

Today, my brother's life was ripped apart. His wife has chosen to no longer be his wife and is trying to keep his dog as well. My brother has always been proud of his family and hopeful for the future. He will spring back, but this came out of left field. FML

I agree, your life sucks 557

You deserved it 124