Nearly FMLs

By 142asdfqq - 05/03/2016 20:37 - United States - Pompey

Today, I was working a late night at the pizzeria I go to. I see my family's car pull up in the parking lot, relieved that they'll be there to at least support me. They get out of the car and go to the pizzeria down the block. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Please no... - 05/03/2016 20:34 - United States - Bradenton

Today, it's been 6 months since I moved out of my parent's house to escape. They know they are the source of all my mental/emotional problems. They even put a few celebratory posts on FB the day after I moved out. Guess who showed up at my new place today, uninvited. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By CalixQyu - 05/03/2016 20:31 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my older brother jump out our bedroom window. He thought using a trash bag would work as a parachute. Instead he broke his arm and got stitches. My mom yelled at me for letting him do it, he's 18 and doesn't need any special care at all. I swear he does this on purpose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 05/03/2016 20:30

Today, I woke up from a dream where I was walking in some beautiful, grassy hiils. I then struggled, as I've done for the last fifteen years, to get myself up and in my wheelchair. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By ReayHorse - 05/03/2016 20:17 - United States - Roosevelt

Today, after while cleaning out my new truck a mini van ran into the back of my truck. A 500 pound soccer mom stormed out of it screaming at me, because since I have a bumper pull hitch it is "my fault". She refuses to pay for damages and is now suing me.-FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By donaldthegrump - 05/03/2016 20:12 - United States - Hendersonville

Today, I was reminded by my mother I sleep on the same mattress I was conceived on. This occurs any time I mention a female in my life. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Lisa - 05/03/2016 20:09 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I gave birth to my child which had ambiguous genitalia. The first thing my husband said when he said the baby was. 'Look on the bright side, at least it can fuck itself' FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Plumlife96 - 05/03/2016 19:59 - United States - Hurricane

Today, I had to miss work because I had a seizure and had to take my emergency pills which makes me unfit for work. It was all well and good until I realized my seizures might not be excused for an absence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 05/03/2016 19:42 - Netherlands - Valkenburg

Today, I sneezed while shaving my balls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 05/03/2016 19:41 - United States

Today, I am finally hosting the weenie roast I've been looking forward to all week. I just found all the meats for it sitting on the table because I forgot to put them in the fridge. Three days ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By iSamsung - 05/03/2016 19:39 - United States - Chicago

Today, my sister got lost at a mall. Once we found her, my mother asked "Oh why was it her? Why couldn't it have been her older brother?". I'm the older brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 05/03/2016 19:36 - Anonymous Proxy

Today, for the first time I trusted my teenaged son enough to handle his own twice daily injections for his diabetes. 2 hours later I stepped on a used needle he had left on the floor injecting myself with enough insulin to put me in hospital. What is wrong with that boy FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Rusty Water - 05/03/2016 19:32 - United Kingdom - Liverpool

Today, This girl I have been seeing for 3 months is coming to mine whilst my parents are out for the night, told me she is wanting to lose her virginity. She is currently on her way and I have crippling diarrhea and I can't go 5 minutes without going to the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Potato_Warrior - 05/03/2016 19:28 - Ireland - Swords

Today, I realised how much of a couch potato I was after my friend convinced me to take kendo classes with him. I passed out midway because it was too intense for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By addixkay - 05/03/2016 19:26 - United States - Green Bay

Today, I learned cheesecake does in fact rise in the oven, it will spill over the pan, it will set off the smoke alarms in your apartment, and all your neighbors will hate you FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By dtdrpepperguy - 05/03/2016 19:25 - United States - Grand Forks

Today, I was by myself eating in the dining hall at my university. Out of nowhere, some girls came up and threw their plates of food on me and yelled at me for cheating on their friend. The whole room clapped in support. I've been single for 3 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By yahtzeesouls - 05/03/2016 19:22 - United States - Hayward

Today, me and a couple friends were playing "danger zone" on our instruments and I guess my neighbor thought us inadequate cause he grabbed his guitar, booted up his amp, and rattled out the solo to the song way better than any of us could. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By riddler18 - 05/03/2016 19:17 - United States - Denver

Today, I was hanging out with my ex (we are still friends) and I asked her "Have you made any questionable life choices?" Her response was, "You mean other than you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 05/03/2016 19:06 - United States - Saint Louis

Today, I was finally able to get my piano tuned. An hour later, my piano exploded from the strings being too tight. I'm a piano teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By iminnocent - 05/03/2016 19:02 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, I smiled and waved at an adorable little girl toddler on the train to work today. The mother of the child caught my look and quickly hid her from my view. I'm a woman wearing a hijab and I can only guess one reason why she did that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Zer0theHer0 - 05/03/2016 18:58 - United States - El Cajon

Today, I had to take my cat to the vet because she had explosive diarrhea. My mom insisted that I drive. It turns out that the cat likes to sit on the drivers lap while they drive and we had no carrier. The cat jumped up onto my lap just as we were pulling in to the vet and took a massive shit all over my pants.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By asperix - 05/03/2016 18:57 - Denmark - Copenhagen

Today, at work i got a call from my wife telling me she was finally giving birth. my boss told me if i left he would fire me. i left anyway, it was a prank. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By going to have no money - 05/03/2016 18:51 - United States - Doylestown

Today, while getting out of my bed I passed and hit my head on my dresser. I went to the doctors to see if I had a concussion. They gave me the good news that I didn't have a concussion but I did have a seizure. Now I can't drive. I'm a pizza delivery guy. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By tonyfan00 - 05/03/2016 18:43 - United States - Scottsdale

Today, I got stung in the inner ankle by a bee (which I'm guessing I stepped on) while cleaning dog poop. Wouldn't be so bad if the landlord had taken care of that damn bee hive when it was pointed out nearly five months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By GerardBae - 05/03/2016 18:36 - United States - Chicago

Today, I caught my boyfriend of 3 years jacking off to my sister. He later explained that he only dated me to get frisky with my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By cheaplabour - 05/03/2016 18:35 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, I worked an 11-hour shift at work and was going on my mandatory 1-hour break when the operations manager of the company came by. He demanded why I had an hour break when we're usually allowed only a half hour. I work part time and I don't think this guy knows about the labour laws here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By MrMoshyFace - 05/03/2016 18:12 - United States - Hyattsville

Today, my mother found a cigarette bud in the room where I play Xbox. My sister always comes in and messes with me, and she smokes (my sister). My mom believes it's me because I'm always in there and she just cleaned the table where it was, and found it. I can't smoke I'm asthmatic, FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 05/03/2016 18:11 - United States - Meadville

Today, I asked my boyfriend to tell his older brother not to bring the girl he's been seeing to my son's birthday party, which is only close family members and I don't have a large house. He's been mad at me since. His older brother and this girl haven't even been hanging out a week and she's never even met my son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By shogun101 - 05/03/2016 18:11 - United States - Riverside

Today, after weeks of talking to this girl who I had a huge crush on, I finally asked her out on a date, only to find out that she'd been dating my best friend for 6 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By help - 05/03/2016 17:55 - United Kingdom - Doncaster

Today, my mum asked me to help pay the bills. This would be fine, but I'm 14. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

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The Top

Today, I was in class just taking notes and minding my own business. The teacher has already called my parents twice complaining about me. As we are taking 3 pages of notes she grabs mine and rips them up, saying that she is sick and tired of me drawing. I was drawing the graphs on the board. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 742

You deserved it 3 449

Today, I seriously considered stepping in front of a car so that I could miss a few days of work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 420

You deserved it 2 983

Today, my mother still refuses to acknowledge my son as her grandson, all because I had a C-section, which she says is unnatural and against God's will. I only had the C-section in the first place for health reasons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 669

You deserved it 1 188

Today, my boyfriend wanted me to get a shirt saying "I'm a girl," just so people won't think he's gay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 140

You deserved it 5 967

Today, I found out my mom had been telling everyone how independent I was and just wanted to be left alone. I was homeless when I graduated valedictorian from high school and wondering why no one would let me stay with them, even when it was snowing. Now I know. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 570

You deserved it 118

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me at the zoo. With a Ring Pop. He was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 812

You deserved it 13 911