Nearly FMLs

By tomatoface - 05/03/2016 00:02 - Turkey - Istanbul

Today, I tried out a new cream for my acne. My face began to peel but I was not worried as this was stated to be normal in the instructions. 8 hours later, I am in the hospital with chemical burns all over my face and my acne looks even worse than before. It hurts to talk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By HylianBadger - 04/03/2016 23:56 - United States

Today, my evil little ass-goblin of a step sister tried to file a police report against me stating that I snuck out of the house to burn our neighbor's home down. This might have worked if I hadn't shown proof that I had moved out three years ago. My step mom still believes her over me. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 6

You deserved it 0

By thanksbabe - 04/03/2016 23:53 - Turkey - Istanbul

Today, as I was riding my boyfriend I tried to initiate dirty talk by asking if he "enjoyed to have his cock in me". After a short pause, he looked at me and answered, "I guess...". FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 04/03/2016 23:31 - United States - Houston

Today, I have to sit at the office while my girlfriend is out having drinks with friends. Whenever we're off together, she says going out costs too much and when I want to go out while she's working, she accuses me of cheating. I can't win. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By ihatethedark - 04/03/2016 23:07 - United States - Delaware

Today, my boyfriend was trying to install a different light switch. Now we can't get the lights back on at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By ew - 04/03/2016 22:38 - United States - Scottsdale

Today, after being sick all week, I really had to go to the bathroom. After taking a nasty dump, it realized I'm out of toilet paper. I'm still stuck on the toilet trying to figure out what the hell to do next. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By ma_strongg - 04/03/2016 22:24 - United States - Guilderland

Today, I lied about having a stomach ache in school so I wouldn't have to take my calculus test. Long story short, it turns out my appendix was actually showing signs of rupturing. I'm being prepped for surgery right now. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 04/03/2016 21:38 - United States - Westwego

Today, after spending the entirety of my adult life trying to have an illegal mental health misdiagnosis from when I was a child struck from my record, my mother finally told me that she sent me to the psychiatrist because I lied about being bullied. I didn't lie, I really was bullied. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 04/03/2016 21:22 - Canada - Westville

Today, my mom threatened to call the cops and have me removed from the house. Why? I wore her shoes to run some errands. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By 1942Ford - 04/03/2016 21:00 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was waiting for an important call from a Congresswoman's office. The phone rang the second I sat on the toilet to take a shit. Of course I answered it - and now I'm hoping the Congresswoman didn't recognize the echoing sound of a bathroom or the splash of fecal matter hitting the bowl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Sophmore - 04/03/2016 20:58 - United States - Chazy

Today, I have a twin brother, who I have a lot of competition with, and it's gotten to the point I can't ask a question in my Global class without someone saying, "Your brother would know that answer". Even the teacher has joined in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 04/03/2016 20:38 - Brazil - Franca

Today, I was at my grandmas house and after lunch I went to her room to ask her for a ride to work. I caught her with her hand down her pants playing with herself. On the ride to work I caught a glance of her sniffing her fingers. I'm seriously traumatized for life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By AryaM - 04/03/2016 20:19 - United States - Seymour

Today, I saw a former teacher who made my life hell. My job requires me to see her once a week. She is still just as mean to me as she was when I was a kid. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By tsubaki7 - 04/03/2016 20:19 - United States - Louisville

Today, my cousin who is a photographer was taking pictures of my month old daughter, she thought it'd be a good idea to strip her completely. Guess who was wearing their favorite fancy dress dry clean only? Guess who got peed on and shit on ... Twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 2

By Csoi - 04/03/2016 20:07 - United States - Columbia

Today, my sister broke my $1,000 laptop, ruined my carpeting, and trashed my bedroom to the point where I cannot walk 5 feet through the door. All because I don't want her to go to our wedding after she screamed at my fiancé for wanting to marry me instead of her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Stmich - 04/03/2016 19:28 - Canada - Port-menier

Today, I went grocery shopping. Turns out that it is the day elderly people recieve their security check. I am afraid that my food will expire before I reach the cashier. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By SUPERNOVA018 - 04/03/2016 19:25 - United States - Grand Forks

Today, I got my period for the third time in as many weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By HarleenQuinzel19 - 04/03/2016 19:24 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, as I was walking to the train station, a man came up to me and asked if I was seeing anyone. As I kept walking and ignored him, he started to follow me. This is the second time in two weeks. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By spookyjohnson - 04/03/2016 19:23 - United States

Today, I have my first date in a year, dinner with a great guy. I also now have a stomach virus that has left me unable to chew or swallow food without gagging. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Creeped Out - 04/03/2016 18:59 - United States - Rockford

Today, I got my first message on OKCupid in about a month. It was a guy offering me money or a job to have sex with him. After refusing several times and his unrelenting insistence, I finally bluntly said, "I said no." His reply? "I said yes." Ladies and gentlemen, rape culture at its finest. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 04/03/2016 18:44 - United States

Today, I told my girlfriend that I was leaving for two weeks to see my mother, and she got pissed. I haven't seen my mom since my grandma died 6 months ago

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Mossyoak_kw - 04/03/2016 18:39 - United States - Johnson City

Today, I had to explain to my 22 year old sister that she doesn't pee from her vagina that its actually two different holes. This idiot has given birth before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By 22. - 04/03/2016 18:38 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I bought my first Apple Watch I went home, charged it, and as was strapping it on my wrist it hit the floor and shattered the entire screen. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By KBear3109 - 04/03/2016 18:23 - United States - Plattsburgh

Today, after a flood last week, my apartment is infested with mold. My landlord says she can't fix the issue for a month and won't pay for me to stay somewhere else. I'm faced with spending hundreds on mold killer and antihistamines or ending up in the hospital because I'm deathly allergic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By smzamir - 04/03/2016 17:54 - Pakistan - Karachi

Today I had to explain to my very distraught grandmother who is suffering from Alzheimer's that, no, my grandfather never left her for another woman. He's been dead all this time. It made her cry. I really wish I was better at this kind of thing. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By DrProfessor777 - 04/03/2016 17:53 - United States - Tempe

Today, my calculus teacher started yelling at me, calling me a liar after I explained why I don't go to him for help. He's horrible at explaining the notes and whenever I try to get help he ignores me and walks away, laughs at my question then walks away, or looks at me confused then walks away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By rubymc98 - 04/03/2016 17:34 - United States - Norwalk

Today, Two minutes into the first game of my senior season which i wasn't supposed to play I broke my collarbone. I am now expected to watch practice without participating for three hours a day for the next four weeks, in pain because I can't take any pain meds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By rickytickytavi7 - 04/03/2016 17:32 - Canada - Mississauga

Today my boss angrily asked me where the important papers he requested this morning were. When I politely replied I gave them to him first thing that morning he snarled back "Well I shouldn't have to ask twice". FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By confused girlfriend - 04/03/2016 17:31 - Canada - Saskatoon

Today, me and my boyfriend re-watched a few Star Wars movies because we both stayed home sick with a cold. I made him some soup and he said "I love you", I replied with "I know" because that's what Han-Solo says but he didn't catch on and is still mad that I didn't say "I love you" back to him FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Rian42 - 04/03/2016 16:58 - United States - Frisco

Today, i fell asleep with my cat laying on top of me. When i woke up my mom had informed me that he was taken to the animal hospital to be put down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

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The Top

Today, I was at a buffet with my kids and husband. As my boys got up to get more food, I told them they'd better come back with something green on their plate. They both came back with mint ice cream and got a high-five from my husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 645

You deserved it 30 874

Today, my boss admitted she's having an affair. She's married to my brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 391

You deserved it 2 081

Today, both toilets in my house were occupied, so I had to shit outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 770

You deserved it 188

Today, after months of lacking intimacy in our relationship, my girlfriend decided to spice things up by covering her naked body with whipped cream. Except, we didn't have any in the fridge, so instead I had to politely lick shaving cream off of her while fighting the urge to vomit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 971

You deserved it 15 983

Today, I went to visit some family out of state for my niece's birthday. I couldn't think of what to get an 8-year-old so I got her a Barbie doll. Everyone else got her money, iPods, game consoles, etc. When she got to mine she asked "how do I turn it on?" Then threw it away when she couldn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 402

You deserved it 5 253

Today, our boat broke down in the middle of a lake at sunset. We called our friend for help, and his truck and trailer got stuck in mud at the boat ramp. We called the sheriff's office to tow his vehicle out of the mud. The tow strap broke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 649

You deserved it 159