Nearly FMLs

By annoyedcustomer - 07/03/2016 05:37 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I went to get a new key for my car because my old one broke. I ended up sitting at the mechanic waiting for it to be programmed for 9 hours. For a key. FML!!!

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 07/03/2016 05:37 - United States - Enfield

Today, after getting up at 4:30am work and getting home at 4pm, my daughter got sick. It's now 1am and we have been walking back and forth from bathroom to couch every 5 minutes since 8pm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By user2499 - 07/03/2016 05:14 - United States - Exton

Today, my house was robbed... by the same guy who installed my alarm last week in an attempt to prevent this from happening. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By ThereAreHolesInMyFeet - 07/03/2016 05:13 - United States - Spring

Today, My teenage sister and Ingot into a heated argument. Because I don't deal with stress well, I took a nap. Only to wake up to my entire floor having thumbtacks glue to it. That was a note on the door saying "1D is not overrated".FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Acerhawk - 07/03/2016 05:11 - United States - Glen Ellyn

Today, I got fired from my job because I got into a car accident that I didn't cause, the person who hit me was my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By mliajkfml - 07/03/2016 05:10 - United States

Today, I realized that it wasn't just me getting lucky whenever the liquor store never ID'ed me, but that they genuinely thought that I looked past the legal age. I'm 17. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 07/03/2016 04:57 - United States

Today, I'm at a family friends house, entertaining a second grader. I have three exams in the next two days, and I am freaking out. I don't want to be a jerk and leave her alone. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 07/03/2016 04:56 - United States - Fullerton

Today, I realized my spouse of 40 years hates what I feel, how I think, how I look, and how I speak. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Lilly - 07/03/2016 04:56 - United States - Tulsa

When I was changing my little sisters diaper, she suddenly pooped all over my hand. No matter how many times I washed my hands the smell wouldn't go away. It still smells like shat. After two hours. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By oldguy Blues - 07/03/2016 04:55 - United States - La Puente

Today, I finally realized why my much older boyfriend always seemed so familiar to me. I found my preschool class photo in his apartment. He was the teacher. I hadn't recognized him but apparently he knew exactly who I was the entire time. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By ShelbyMariah - 07/03/2016 04:54 - United States - Warrenton

Today, I got offered a new job. Better pay, more hours and willing to work with my school schedule. I am currently working for my mom and she threatened to disown me if I quit, but if I don't quit I can't go back to school and will be cut off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By ShelbyMariah - 07/03/2016 04:54 - United States - Warrenton

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Firetruck69 - 07/03/2016 04:53 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I had a nose bleed. It wouldn't have been so bad had it not been followed by an intense sneezing fit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By themostfab - 07/03/2016 04:21 - United States - Tampa

Today, I was asked out by a good friend. I panicked when I saw the text that he sent me and tapped my thumb nails against the keyboard. Well apparently whatever keys I did accidentally hit autocorrected into "yes". I don't want to rain on his parade, he's so happy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 07/03/2016 04:08 - United States - Massillon

Today, I was visiting Disney World. That would be fantastic, if I hadn't shit my pants in the middle of the Magic Kingdom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By gamewizard - 07/03/2016 04:08 - United States - Auburn

Today, I was selling an old baseball card on eBay for one dollar. When I shipped it I was on the Internet and came across a card that looked exactly like it. I look at the pictures I took of the card to find out not only is it one of a kind but it's worth over two thousand dollars. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By Shibe.Mines - 07/03/2016 04:06 - United States - Glen Allen

Today, I had to take the gym class Pacer test, and I was just coming back to school from being sick, so you can kind of tell where this is going... Long story short, I ran about 18 laps before feeling terribly sick, and I ended up throwing up all over the school water fountains FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By freyday - 07/03/2016 04:02 - United States - Seattle

Today, at my Mexican food job, I told a guy that I would give him free guacamole if he could say the word in Spanish (as a joke), and accidently said "..if you can say guacamole in Mexican." He wouldn't shut up about how much of a "racist bigot" I am and how I must support Trump. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By anonymous - 07/03/2016 04:00 - United States - Northfield

Today, I scheduled an appointment for acupuncture because I have been stressed about finances. When I got the acupuncture I finally could relax and I actually fell asleep. Once asleep I wound up rolling off the table and getting impaled and had to go to the hospital. Can't wait for the bill.FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By Mrs.Anxiety - 07/03/2016 03:47 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my anxiety is so debilitating that I had a panic attack just thinking about leaving my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By nervouswreck - 07/03/2016 03:40 - United States - Sugar Land

Today, I interviewed for a new position at work. I'm more nervous now than I was before the interview. So much so that any call or email I get sends me into a full on panic attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By jujube35 - 07/03/2016 03:37 - United States - Houston

Today, while shopping I forgot my phone was tucked under my arm and not in my pocket. I lifted my arm and my phone fell to the floor. Of course it landed screen side up but cracked anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 2

By aptlife - 07/03/2016 03:28 - United States - Rochester

I live in an apartment on the bottom floor and the people in the apartment above me were having sex. No big deal, except they were shaking the apartment and screaming. My boyfriend's first reaction is to put his ear to the ceiling and ask me if I would mind, in all seriousness, if he could join. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By watermelon_bae - 07/03/2016 03:25 - United States - Sandwich

Today, my parents have both come down with a nasty form of the flu. Now, I wouldn't be as worried about them possibly infecting me if I didn't have a final exam this Wednesday that one of them has to drive me to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 07/03/2016 03:23 - United States - Saco

Today,thanks to my daughter and her sometimes shitty taste in music, I found myself singing along to a Justin Bieber song. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 2

By kryskras - 07/03/2016 03:22 - United States - Bossier City

Today, while I was in the middle of making my morning coffee, my s/o decided to take my coffee spoon and rub his penis all over it then mix my coffee with it. We had just finished having sex less than 5 minutes ago. Great. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By Emo_Gir_Lover - 07/03/2016 02:58 - United States - Agoura Hills

Today, my step mom decided she should clean my toaster with water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By starsinthenight - 07/03/2016 02:46 - United States - Sylva

Today, As I was taking off my clothes to take a shower I noticed scratches and cuts all over both my shoulders. I don't know how they got there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By audijake18 - 07/03/2016 02:39 - United States - Cleveland

Today, I found out I was pregnant. How? I went to the doctor to get on birth control. Oh, the irony burns. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 2

By whataday - 07/03/2016 02:38 - United States - Galion

Today, after being ill, I had to pick up my grandfather to go to a family dinner. He pissed himself in my passenger seat and said nothing. Today was my birthday and the family dinner was to celebrate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

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The Top

Today, it's 4 in the morning and I can't sleep because of my blocked left nostril. It's been a month now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 777

You deserved it 133

Today, I was mugged while on my way to the bookstore. I'd saved up for months to make a mega-purchase of study materials for my major, only for it to be taken away in a few seconds by some lowlife thug. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 320

You deserved it 4 563

Today, I was given the ultimate ultimatum: either I suffer excruciating stomach pains and remain a hostage to the porcelain whirlpool goddess, or I stop taking pain medication and face the wrath of a raging infection in my jaw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 861

You deserved it 3 128

Today, my 21 year-old daughter sent me the longest, violent, most hateful text I've ever seen in my life. Apparently she opposes me marrying her best friend of 12 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 159

You deserved it 2 476

Today, and every single time someone I actually feel comfortable with comes into my life, I end up fucking everything up. Whenever they don't reply, I won't for a while too, just to see if they'll check on me but they never do. Am I really that shitty? Is it so bad that I want to feel wanted? FML

I agree, your life sucks 420

You deserved it 681

Today, my manager cussed me out for being unable to keep a customer happy. That "customer" was a senile old twit who had wandered away from his carer, thought our shop was his living room, and demanded to know who replaced all his furniture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 454

You deserved it 396