Nearly FMLs

By why me - 07/03/2016 23:30 - United Kingdom - Newport

Today, I had the guy I'm seeing over for dinner. We cuddled while watching a film & had the occasional kiss. After the film ended things heated up. Clothes came off. Things were going well when he stops. Looks up at the ceiling & declares. "Fuck, I'm gay". All with his hands in my underwear. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By unnessassary - 07/03/2016 23:01 - United States - O Fallon

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me through text while I was in class. I lost my virginity to him on Saturday. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By crafty title - 07/03/2016 22:51 - United States

Today, I asked my boyfriend if I looked better with or without glasses. Then he went and got a bag then put it on my head and said thats better FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By jolliever - 07/03/2016 22:50 - United States - Ooltewah

Today, I tried to flick a booger off my finger and dislocated my shoulder. I had to be sent home from work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 07/03/2016 22:49 - United States - Caseyville

I'm the new kid at school. I got to class 2 minutes late after trying to find my class. My teacher kept the door closed and locked purposely just to make a point. Another student tried to open the door and got screamed at. She let me in after 10 minutes and I'm basically a joke. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Truckgirl - 07/03/2016 22:42 - United States - Mount Pleasant

Today driving my new 2016 Chevy truck I decided to show off. I'm a 17 year old girl with a badass truck, why not? Anyway I decided to speed past this slow moving old truck. I laughed but then he got the last laugh. I took a corner too hard and went off the road. he drove by laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Ig she's a Milf now..... - 07/03/2016 22:39 - United States - Suwanee

Today, My boyfriend dumped me because he said he found someone better. I came home to a guy and my mom cuddling. Turns out he dumped me for my mom. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By kill me now - 07/03/2016 22:32 - United States

Today, I was in gym class and we were using the exercise machines. This girl decided that it would be OK to start rubbing her vagina against the stretch bands and sexually dance on the machines. I was the sucker that had to use the machines after her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By PmanRulez - 07/03/2016 22:31 - Canada - Scarborough

Today at school I told my teacher that I hadn't finished my movie-book comparison on the Hunger Games after working for over 7 hours on it and completed just over half of it. It is over 6 pages. She replied "Next time don't work so hard on it". FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By sarah_jc - 07/03/2016 22:27 - Australia - Perth

Today, I was working in a pre-primary class in a school. I was having an amazing day until one of my students came up to me and said "miss, you're fat". FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 07/03/2016 22:08 - Canada - Sudbury

Today, a girl at my school decided that the best way to get me to go away was to describe, in great detail, her most recent period. I'm a guy, so I'm pretty much traumatized. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By shannounexx - 07/03/2016 22:03 - Canada - Qu?bec

Today, I had my period while I was at swim practice. When I got out of the water, some blood fell on the floor. A girl noticed and told me. Then my crush arrived and saw a red splash on my thigh. He thought it was Gatorade. He took his finger to taste the "gatorade", the realized it was blood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 07/03/2016 22:03 - United States - King George

Today, I played a stupid prank on someone. After I profusely apologized, the person involved told me that everything was ok, but then called my mom and told her that he was considering calling the police. If he does, that potentially voids the college acceptances and scholarships I've received. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By Bulliedandabully - 07/03/2016 21:57 - United States - Wapello

Today my bully decided to tell the counselor that I was the one bullying him. The teacher only saw the aftermath of me standing up for myself. She never saw him verbally abusing me like usual. Now I'm in trouble because he feels bullied. Now he bullies me even more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Itburnsss - 07/03/2016 21:56 - United States - Arlington

Today, my eyeliner and mascara that I usually use was irritating my eye for some reason, so I took it off with makeup remover. Now, the makeup remover is burning and making my eyes look bloodshot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 07/03/2016 21:47 - United States - Valley Park

Today,my sister cried until my mom let her stay home from school. She said she was tired. She's tired because she stayed up til three in the morning watching Netflix on her Ipad, which kept me up too. Whiny brat.Fml.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By jamiered - 07/03/2016 21:43 - United States - Westfield

Today, my doctor informed me that I have bronchitis in addition to the flu. I am also allergic to the two best medications to treat it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By daddysgirl8 - 07/03/2016 21:33 - United States - Taunton

Today, I went to my doctor for a sinus infection. When she walked in I complimented her on her weightloss. She said thank you, sat down and promptly told me to get weight loss surgery. I'm 18. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By YeahIDontThinkSo - 07/03/2016 21:19 - United States - Leander

Today, my girlfriend of 1 year dumped me. It came as a shock seeing how we had a happy relationship. Her reason? Jesus told her in a dream that we weren't meant to be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Chelgleek - 07/03/2016 21:15 - United States - San Antonio

Today, I had my second car wreck exactly two weeks after my first car wreck. Now I need TWO new cars, which have to be paid for out of the fund we have for our wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By :/ - 07/03/2016 20:59 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, I finally returned to school after spending a long time in the hospital. My first week back just so happens to be finals week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By summer4me - 07/03/2016 20:53 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I found out from a one night stand that he has gonorrhea and that I need to get tested. When we hooked up, he didn't even make it past 3 pumps. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By pain - 07/03/2016 20:35 - United States

Today, I went to the doctor about the terrible headache I've had. He told me that it should clear itself up if I avoid loud places and bright or flashing lights. I work at Chuck E Cheese. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By leilamarie - 07/03/2016 20:17 - United States - Kissimmee

Today, I told my mom that I want to be cremated when I die. She looked at me and asked, "Why? So you can get a jump start on hell?" And then walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Officialandrewsrebroski - 07/03/2016 20:00 - United States - Woodbury

Today, I saw this homeless man, so I decided to give him 20 bucks to spend. I told him to not get liquor with it. I had to get wine for a party tonight, and when I went in the liquor store, I saw him checking out with booze and the 20 dollars I gave him. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 07/03/2016 19:52 - United States - Westwego

Today, after over a year of unsuccessfully trying to get pregnant, my mother-in-law informed me that "God won't let me have a baby" because I'm agnostic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 07/03/2016 19:46 - Canada - Welland

Today, after I came from a late shift my eyes were red and glossy from staring at my PC all day. Without thinking, my mother blurts out "what are you high on?" and calls the police. After an examination and hesterics from my mother, the police says "He's just tired". I am so embarrassed. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 07/03/2016 19:38 - United States - Indianapolis

Today, while at a party with my mother and older brother, my mother introduced me as "the girl who likes to draw" and my brother as "the chef." My brother finally got a job at Subway and I design multimillion dollar buildings as an architect. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By isabellam26 - 07/03/2016 19:19 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I've been really sick. So sick, that on my way to the bathroom, I shit myself. What's even worse is that it wasn't solid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By diascrewthis - 07/03/2016 19:07 - United States - Cypress

Today, my teacher accused me of being baked while in class. In reality, my blood sugar was so low I couldn't keep my focus or my head up. Apparently, her excuse is she forgot I was diabetic. I was almost taken to the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

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The Top

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blowjob. I was laying in between his legs because it's just more comfortable. I looked down, and he had pieces of toilet paper sticking out of his butt cheeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 273

You deserved it 8 513

Today, I cancelled out of a video chat with my boyfriend to go take a dump. I took my computer with me to look at Facebook. It took three minutes for me to realize I was still on video chat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 964

You deserved it 53 897

Today, I took some friends out to the woods to show them a natural spring. I explained to them that the water bubbles up from underground, and that it's clean and tasty. I bent down and drank a few hefty handfuls, only to look up and see a dead raccoon floating near me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 015

You deserved it 24 707

Today, I decided to sit on the back porch for a while to enjoy the nice weather and relax. Unfortunately, one of my neighbors was outside too, having a very loud argument with his wife for about 45 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 982

You deserved it 95

Today, I was walking towards a party where I knew my cheating ex would be. I passionately rehearsed how I would have a go at him big time when I met him. Guess who was walking right behind me and heard it all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 597

You deserved it 43 639

Today, I was snuggling with my boyfriend on the couch. We ended up falling asleep, and when I woke up I felt a slobberly substance running down my face. It turns out, my boyfriend drooled so much, it filled my ear and overflowed onto my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 414

You deserved it 3 956