Nearly FMLs

By Anonymous - 07/03/2016 19:01 - United States - Lexington

Today, I was on video chat with my mother when my cat came walking into the room carrying my bright pink vibrator in it's mouth and drops it in the middle of the floor. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Yimpish - 07/03/2016 18:58

Today, after two weeks without any week night shifts at work I finally get one, only it's the closing shift and the night before an important test. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Batibat - 07/03/2016 18:53 - United States - Bradenton

Today, my boyfriend's mom had church company over, instead of taking the risk of having to interact with anyone, I decided to climb out the bedroom window. Halfway through the act, I hear someone clear their throat. I look back to notice a backyard full of my boyfriends siblings and nephews. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By PossiblyInDanger - 07/03/2016 18:50 - United States - Columbia

Today, I saw the most beautiful and sweet promposal ever from my boyfriend. It brought me to tears, but not from happiness. He was asking my best friend to prom. She said yes. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By seanixjayde - 07/03/2016 18:48 - United States - Eugene

Today, we were told by the home health nurse that my aunt only has a few days left before she passes. on top of that, my five year old sister is in the E.R. With stabbing ear pains. All while I was left home alone and woke up to all of this..In a text. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By thatoneguy - 07/03/2016 18:46 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, while at a band competition a friend of mine ripped his pants. He was wearing red underwear and we had to walk from the school 2 blocks to a gas station to get a sewing kit and tape. We were in the bathroom for about 30min with the staff thinking we were doing drugs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By fmyjob - 07/03/2016 18:42 - United States - Zebulon

Today, I just finished working an entire week of back to back shifts and was looking forward to two days off to get some sleep. As soon as I'd almost fallen asleep, work called. Guess who's working doubles the next two days because a co-worker called in sick? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 07/03/2016 18:30 - United States - Lancaster

Today, we are going to court to explain why my abusive and deadbeat ex shouldn't be around my daughter (he hasn't seen her in over 1.5 yrs). Why? Because my mother doesn't like my husband, so she's paying my ex to take me to court.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 07/03/2016 18:22 - United States - Denver

I discovered my boyfriend was using a dating website. For his ideal "first date" he wrote, "I show up to your door with pizza and we just see what other fun we can get into ;)". His job is pizza delivery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By sammyshat - 07/03/2016 18:20 - United Kingdom

Today, I was walking home from school when out of nowhere this kid started to try to fight me. I managed to get the upper hand, with me about to punch his face in, when my teacher pulls up. Naturally, he starts sobbing and tells her I was attacking him for no reason. His buddies backed him up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By anonymous - 07/03/2016 18:19 - United States

Today, I texted my partner several times about a project for school, and she didn't reply. My phone has been acting weird, so I texted again asking her if she was getting my texts. She replied saying yes, but she still hasn't answered my other questions about the project. It's due tomorrow. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By goodbye long hair - 07/03/2016 18:10 - United Arab Emirates - Dubai

Today, I went to get my usual trim. the hairdresser made a mistake that cost me 16 inches of hair, FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 07/03/2016 17:59 - United States - Cary

Today I made the mistake of telling my parents to go fuck themselves. As punishment, they made me watch them have sex. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By unknown9700 - 07/03/2016 17:41 - United States

Today, I found out that my sister in-law wants to bring home her best friend who cheated with my husband home for spring break. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Too Late the Hero - 07/03/2016 17:40 - Philippines - Las Pi?as City

Today, my buddy in H.R gave me the head's up that I'm in the list of people being laid-off soon. He also said there's check in exchange for my 30 day notice, and my manager will eventually make something up to force me to resign, voiding it. It would've been nice, if he told me 2 weeks ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By wickachad25 - 07/03/2016 17:32 - United States - Canyon

Today, my boyfriend came home with a hooker all because he wants someone to play call of duty with. Fml.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 07/03/2016 17:28 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, I was congratulated by a stranger in the street and asked how far along I am. I'm not pregnant. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By ILostThatFriend - 07/03/2016 17:07 - United States - Iowa Park

Today, A woman walked past my friend and I using a cane, as she had a limp. My friend told me "that she's probably faking to get attention". He then ran up to her and grabbed her cane to test this. Of course, she fell. My friend blamed me, because "I should've told him it was a bad Idea." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By justwantedtohelp - 07/03/2016 16:55 - United States - Saint Louis

Today, out of concern for my friend's daughter, I recommended to my friend's mom that she take custody of the child. She didn't get the custody but now my friend hates me with every fiber of her being. So much for 6 years of friendship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Dr.Nope - 07/03/2016 16:49 - United States - Arvada

Today, my depression has gotten so bad that I cant even muster up the energy to open my school email. I have 4 more years to go before I can call myself doctor and lately I don't even want to do that anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 07/03/2016 16:47 - United States - Citrus Heights

Today, while riding public transportation to work I had a homeless man masturbate while never breaking eye contact with me. I moved seats twice. In a guy. I got off the bus early and now have to walk 6 blocks to work. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By forever_alone - 07/03/2016 16:38 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, I met the most amazing, charasmatic and charming guy who's probably the first guy to even ever show interest in me. Too bad he's in the navy, because he left for the sea the day after I met him and he's not coming back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 07/03/2016 16:33 - United States - Summerville

Today, I was asked to prom. I gladly accepted, only to realize a couple hours later that I'll be out of town on the date of prom. I dont know how to break it to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 07/03/2016 16:30 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, my dog decided to have diarrhea in the back seat of my car 2 hours into a 5 hour drive. Luckily, I was in the middle of nowhere at the time and so I had to use my military uniform to clean it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By MeAnais - 07/03/2016 16:21 - Rwanda

Today,my 12 year old sister got asked out yet again by a guy in her class. I haven't been asked out even once and I am 6 years older than her.FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 07/03/2016 16:14 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boyfriend is mad at me for causing him to fail a science test. Apparently he thought I was serious when I told him that homo sapiens were extinct because they were "homo". FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By ChevyLovzYou2 - 07/03/2016 16:08 - United States - Coldwater

Today, after battling anorexia for years I was eating a pancake in my living room. My great grandfather decided it was the perfect time to tell me I eat enough for 4 people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By HamSandwich12 - 07/03/2016 15:47 - United States - Cleveland

Today, I was practicing shooting my gun at a range. One of the cartridge casings bounced off the wall and landed directly in my cleavage, scorching both breasts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By shannounexx - 07/03/2016 15:46 - Canada - Qu?bec

Today, I had my period while I was at swim practice. When I got out of the water, some blood fell on the floor. A girl noticed and told me. Then my crush arrived and saw a red splash on my thigh. He thought it was Gatorade. He took his finger to taste the "Gatorade", then realized it was blood. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By PoorPeter - 07/03/2016 15:39 - United Kingdom - Leeds

Today, a man from a charity came up to me in the street and told me a sad story about a scared, ill, old man and said 'how does that make you feel?' my social anxiety kicked in and in panic I said 'indifferent.' FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

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The Top

Today, my boyfriend borrowed my Jane Norman dress to wear to a Halloween party. He got hammered, threw up all over it, and fell unconscious on the shower floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 808

You deserved it 7 713

Today, after being fed up with my sarcastic, mouthy daughter, I decided to remove her TV from her room. I dropped it on my foot and broke two toes. She promptly said, "That's what you get." FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 710

You deserved it 1 835

Today, I went for a run. When I got home, no one was there so I took off my clothes and laid on the cool wood floor. I decided to call my girlfriend and we started talking in baby voices. That's when my mom walked into the house witnessing everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 835

You deserved it 37 169

Today, I meant to send a cheeky “I’m out of the office” reply to my team but instead hit “reply all” on an email chain with my entire company, including my boss, HR, and some clients. The message included a joke about “sleeping through meetings” that was NOT work-appropriate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 104

You deserved it 639

Today, after my son got his first girlfriend at 19, a nice girl as well, he broke up with her after 3 days because women are "too much effort", too "expensive", and keep trying to make him "do things." Unbelievable. Three days with a woman turned him into a cynical 65 year-old who's been married for 40 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 393

You deserved it 178

Today, I found out it's apparently racist to point out that a person has a unique spelling for a common name. I then found out it's even more racist to yell at the person who tells you in a very condescending tone that "it's a common spelling," even though I've literally never seen it before in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 417

You deserved it 856