Nearly FML

By blurg - 07/03/2016 02:35 - United States - San Anselmo

Today, I fell asleep during an excruciatingly boring assembly at my school. I was jerked awake a few seconds later and promptly vomited into the row of students in front of me. FML

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vote type 1 1

By Tatush_ - 07/03/2016 01:17 - United States - Mankato

Today, my family was watching a movie.. Then a sexual part came on. My mom expected my 12 year old sister to look away, but she didn't. After my mom ordered her to look away, my sister replied with "Please, there is nothing in this scene that I haven't done already." FML.

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vote type 1 1

By NickACD - 07/03/2016 01:13 - United States - San Diego

Today, while at dinner for my aunts birthday, I saw a spider bite on my 18 year old brothers neck. I pointed it out, and it turned out to be a hickey. At 15 I still don't know what a hickey looks like. FML

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By Unemployed - 07/03/2016 00:47 - United Kingdom - Eynsham

Today marks the end of two weeks of annual leave at work, and so, I phoned up to check my hours for this week. An unfamiliar voice informed me I wasn't on the rota and she had just started last week, but looked forward to meeting me. Turns out I've been sacked and there's a letter in the post. FML.

agreeclassic 2

vote type 1 1

By itsallabootily - 07/03/2016 00:23 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, my husband and I were able to get out alone for the first time in a few months. He ended up getting so drunk at dinner that we had to go home afterwards, where he promptly fell asleep. FML.

agreeclassic 2

vote type 1 1

By Sam - 07/03/2016 00:21 - United States - Beverly Hills

Today, I went to the movies and got carded. The cashier refused my ID, insisted it was fake, called the cops and bent my ID trying to break it in half. I'm 27 years old and I missed my movie. FML.

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 1

By Anonymous - 07/03/2016 00:13 - United States - Daly City

Today, my computer camera disconnected right when I was about to Skype my long distance boyfriend. It only does that when we try to Skype. FML

agreeclassic 2

vote type 1 1

By SheNamedMeGonzo - 07/03/2016 00:07 - United States - Idaho Falls

Today, I turned on my old Xbox 360 Elite to discover my four year old had used the disc tray as a plate. FML

agreeclassic 2

vote type 1 1

By Anonymous - 06/03/2016 23:53 - United Kingdom - Sunderland

Today the takeaway guy recongized me, not only am I ordering too many takeaways but apparently he doesn't like my new haircut either. FML

agreeclassic 2

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By idk man - 06/03/2016 23:41 - United States - Raleigh

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. The only thing my best friend had to say was "Do you think he'll unfollow me on Instagram?" FML

agreeclassic 2

vote type 1 1

By FatCat - 06/03/2016 23:21 - United States - Hagerstown

Today, while not paying attention while walking, I ran into a rail. It just so happens the rail was the perfect level with my vagina. It's still swollen. FML

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vote type 1 2

By Booboourfs - 06/03/2016 23:07 - United States - Canoga Park

Today, I had a fight with my boyfriend of almost a year because his ex (they're best friends so I let them do whatever because I don't want to be that clingy girlfriend) said that I cheated on him when I really didn't. When I asked him who do you trust me or her he said "I've known her longer." FML

agreeclassic 2

vote type 1 1

By megamonster99 - 06/03/2016 23:05 - United States - Mechanicsburg

Today, my dad told me that we are moving our family of five into a Two bedroom house with a ceiling shorter then me all because he hates the group of kids in the neighborhood who's only real crime is, "Sitting on the curb outside talking to loud". FML

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vote type 1 1

By sleepless - 06/03/2016 23:02 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I didn't sleep. Why? Because my friend and her boyfriend, whom I was staying with, bith snore. Constantly and loudly. Their dog also loves to snuggle up to me while having dreams where he kicks and growls all night. FML

agreeclassic 2

vote type 1 1

By chica - 06/03/2016 23:00 - United States - Perris

Today, upon arrival to my cousins house I decided to shower since I had been trapped for twelve hours in a car. Forgot shampoo so I just used the bottle containing a soap like substance labeled "hair" in her shower. It was strawberry scented hair removal cream. FML.

agreeclassic 2

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By tccullen22 - 06/03/2016 22:52 - United States - Tempe

Today, I went to the Grand Canyon for the first time. It was so foggy that couldn't see anything. FML

agreeclassic 2

vote type 1 1

By Anna - 06/03/2016 22:44 - Ireland - Dublin

Today my boss complained how people are immature and laugh at things no one should laugh at. I asked for an example, and this is what he said: "What is the difference between a Jew and a pizza?" - "A pizza doesn't scream when you put it in the oven." I laughed in his face. FML.

agreeclassic 2

vote type 1 1

By Anonymous - 06/03/2016 22:42 - Australia - Geelong

Today, I'm exhausted. I thought when you go to bed it's to go to sleep. My boyfriend thinks it's so you can chat for an hour. He won't shut up and go to sleep. If I pass out before he's ready to stop talking, he thinks I'm angry at him. FML.

agreeclassic 2

vote type 1 1

By PulpFact - 06/03/2016 22:38 - United Kingdom - Tamworth

Today, due to me playing video games for an unholy amount of time, my dad practically stripped my room bare. He suspected that, due to my blood shot eyes, I must have taken some form of drug. Eventually he just accepted that I have no life. FML

agreeclassic 2

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By notcollegebound - 06/03/2016 22:36 - United States

Today, My mom told me that she didn't want to waste her money on me taking the SAT. Her logic is that she would rather spend the money on her other two daughters that would actually be successful in life. FML

agreeclassic 3

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By ice skating accident - 06/03/2016 22:32 - United States - Seymour

Today, I was ice skating with my friend. He was about to fall so he grabbed me, and I fell with him. I cut my head on his ice skates, and hit a little kid accidentally as I was falling. Fml.

agreeclassic 2

vote type 1 1

By evanmurphy - 06/03/2016 22:15 - Ireland

Today, I spent over six hours working on an assignment for college. I forgot to save it, it's due tomorrow. FML

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By BoredTrash - 06/03/2016 22:07 - United States - Boca Raton

Today, while at university, this lady asked me how to say my name. I said nothing, as I am very shy and don't really like to talk. She then threatened to call the police if I did not answer her. I was just too scared to talk. FML.

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 1

By trainsauce - 06/03/2016 22:01 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I went to visit my parents... In two separate prisons. FML

agreeclassic 2

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By Anonymous - 06/03/2016 21:52 - United States - Denton

Today, I decided to take a nap after a long exhausting day. I felt like I had to use the restroom, but was too lazy to get up and actually go to the restroom. I ended up releasing my entire bladder mid nap and water damaged my phone. This is the second time it's happened in a month. FML.

agreeclassic 2

vote type 1 3

By tonguetied - 06/03/2016 21:47 - Australia

Today, my fiancé and I were having sex, and it felt really good. Trying to talk dirty I tried to ask "do I feel tight?" And say "you feel enormous" at the same time. I got tongue tied and said: "do I feel enormous?" He laughed so hard that we had to stop. FML.

agreeclassic 2

vote type 1 2

By Dean - 06/03/2016 21:36 - Romania - Bucharest

Today, my Japanese stepmother only ever refers to me as what she says is my name translated to Japanese. Today I translated it to English and found that she has been calling me "unwanted child" since I met her and my dad who speaks Japanese just lets her do it. Arigato, bitch FML

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 1

By Anonymous - 06/03/2016 21:35 - United States - San Francisco

Today my new boyfriend got back from a destination wedding. The wedding was his. FML

agreeclassic 2

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By bri_tho123 - 06/03/2016 21:30 - Canada - Chelmsford

Today, I had my first kiss with my boyfriend. Afterwards he looked me dead in the eye and said, "Not bad. But you need to get better". FML

agreeclassic 2

vote type 1 1

By trainsauce - 06/03/2016 21:26 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my parents said they had to go on vacation for awhile. Turns out they're going to jail. FML

agreeclassic 2

vote type 1 1

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Top

Today, my husband woke me up at 3 AM by putting whipped cream on my hand and tickling my nose with a feather. FML

agreeclassic 38 731

vote type 1 9 934

Today, my teacher "busted" me for writing down answers on my arm for a test. The so called "answers" was just a duck my little nephew had drawn on my hand the night before. She's actually trying to get me suspended over it. FML

agreeclassic 39 780

vote type 1 2 587

Today, I went to spend time with friends. The next thing I knew, I was waking up in my bed with several blocked contacts and text messages, saying that what I did was unacceptable. No drugs or alcohol were involved, and I have no memory of this. FML

agreeclassic 1 769

vote type 1 261

Today, I found my brother wearing nothing but underwear. That would have been okay if it weren't my lingerie. FML

agreeclassic 45 778

vote type 1 3 171

Today, I woke up at 5 and studied for my 9:30am exam for 4 hours. When I left my dorm at 9, it was dark outside. Turns out I slept through the entire day and woke up at 5pm. FML

agreeclassic 47 134

vote type 1 30 534

Today, I got my heart torn into a million pieces by a girl once again. Four times in a row. I went to hit up the girl I stupidly friendzoned many times. She's lost weight, is married, and is pregnant with their first child. FML

agreeclassic 65

vote type 1 1 446