Nearly FMLs

By Fatty - 06/03/2016 02:21 - United States - Papillion

Today, my step-mom found out I had McDonald's last night. She then gave me hell for "wanting to have a heart attack" and "being super fat". All while she ate a large pizza. On her own.FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By soironic - 06/03/2016 02:15 - United States - Clemmons

Today, my Yoga For Stress class met in an empty office. Last week, our instructor asked the new Zumba class next door to turn their music down because we couldn't hear each other talk. Now we're banned from the yoga room. Gotta love the Y. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 06/03/2016 02:01 - United States

Today my bf told me "I love you like the last man on earth loves a horse...like a companion and of course as a lover." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Nolovelife - 06/03/2016 01:52 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, I found out that the man I've loved since my childhood was never in love with me, but with my best friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Zachdb78 - 06/03/2016 01:46 - United States - Washington

Today, I was invited to go to a dinner for a girls birthday. I was told there would be people my age. I get there and everyone is over 50. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Laikrat - 06/03/2016 01:42 - Australia - Strathfield

Today, I went to the bathroom and my friend was waiting outside. I went to text her that I was pooping but I accidentally texted a group chat with her and my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By kivutar - 06/03/2016 00:40 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I accidentally dropped my favourite ring in the feminine hygiene waste container. When I looked inside, it was firmly around someone else's used tampon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By lonelyloser - 06/03/2016 00:18

Today, I asked out a guy I've liked for nearly a year. He then laughed in my face, patted my back, and walked away saying, "yeah right!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Motherly Love - 05/03/2016 23:51 - United States - Malden

Today, I met with my abusive mother for the first time in years, trying to find some peace. The first thing she did was take a coin of mine that I had framed and throw it into my snowy yard before I could react. That coin was given to me by my father, and it's my prized possession. Thanks, mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By jnme05 - 05/03/2016 23:48 - United States

Today, I went to the doctor for lower left abdominal pain and the doctor said it was because of constipation (which was true) but that wasn't all to it... I am now going to the E.R. because of my left testicle being twice the size of the right

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By vinylzelda - 05/03/2016 23:46 - United States - Lawrenceville

Today, I found a screw propped up against my tire as I went to get in my car to go home from work. It was set to it would pop my tire when I would back out of my parking spot. I have no clue who I could have pissed off that bad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By noimnotamermaid - 05/03/2016 23:43 - United States - San Antonio

Today, I was returning from a friend's dinner and had to pee really bad. My bladder was so full and painful that three steps up my apartment stairs I fell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By still_madly_in_love - 05/03/2016 23:40 - Slovenia - Logatec

Today, I'm 22 and have been living with my boyfriend of two years for a year. My parents still want me to dump him and wait another 15 years "for a better one". FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By endrex - 05/03/2016 22:51 - United States - Massapequa Park

Today, my younger brother punctured my car tires, the same day as my road test. I wasn't able to make it and the next one won't be for 4 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By thunderbuns4 - 05/03/2016 22:40 - United States

Today, After riding my bike I got some ice cream. I noticed a little got on my fingers so I licked it off. It was grease from the bike. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By KettenRay - 05/03/2016 22:38 - United States - Portland

Today, I took my dog to the vet for some routine procedures. As I walked her out, she decided to break out of her collar and roll around in a huge puddle of blood from a recent emergency. Now we're both covered in blood and the office is too busy to help us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By JustBeingALenny - 05/03/2016 22:25 - United States - Flint

Today, I was told I can't hang out with my family because they feel depressed around me. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anon - 05/03/2016 22:25 - United States - Toledo

Today, I went to the store with my brother and dad, since my mom is in the hospital. I needed to buy pads, and when I headed towards that aisle they refused to follow me and walked away to checkout quickly, pretending not to know me. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By PCKid11 - 05/03/2016 21:57 - United Kingdom

Today, I decided to finally tell someone higher up in school about how I was being bullied. Their response? "Well can you tell us their names?" They ran away every time they bullied me, and it's unlikely they'd tell me their names anyway. Apparently they can't help me. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By lonelyloser - 05/03/2016 21:52

Today, I asked out a guy I've liked for nearly a year. He then laughed in my face, patted my back, and walked away saying, "yeah right!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By AJXDGaming - 05/03/2016 21:35 - United States - Pomona

Today, I was told by a man in a pink bunny suit to take things seriously. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By badm0mmy - 05/03/2016 21:21 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I was at the toy store buying toys for my kids. A lady grabbed the same toy as me and we fought for it. I managed to get ahold of the toy and run out the store. Sadly, the cops arrested me for shoplifting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By too many essays - 05/03/2016 21:12 - United States - King George

Today, I received admission and a full ride to a great university. My mom still wants me to apply for scholarships. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By LovingLife - 05/03/2016 21:03 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I find my husband in bed with another woman. He said he needed someone younger, and I wouldn't do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By cat lady in the making - 05/03/2016 21:03 - United States

Today I got a snapchat from my crush and I was really excited about it because I always have to contact him first. It was my crush telling me that his friend liked me I only met the friend once at a party. I don't remember him I remember making out with my crush. I mentioned that. He ignored it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By youdontsay123456 - 05/03/2016 20:59 - United States - San Francisco

Today, after my mother being diagnosed with cirrhosis, she refuses to still acknowledged the fact that she's an alcoholic and yelled at me in the middle of a store while she proceeded to buy 4 bottles of champagne for herself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By pukeupmyfiesnow - 05/03/2016 20:58 - United States - Doylestown

Today, while getting out of my bed I passed out and hit my head on my dresser. I went to the doctors to see if I had a concussion. They gave me the good news that I didn't have a concussion but I did have a seizure. Now I can't drive. I deliver pizzas for my job. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 05/03/2016 20:56 - United States - Miami

Today I dropped my phone in a port-o-potty. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By pnb94 - 05/03/2016 20:54 - United States - Newark

Today, my cat woke up out of his dead sleep to follow something around my room. I've only lived here a few weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Mailman - 05/03/2016 20:43 - United States

Today, I'm a mailman and I got a restraining order against me for doing my jod because I was "stalking my ex-wife." I just deliver in her neighborhood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

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The Top

Today, after I broke up with my boyfriend about two weeks ago, I didn't think much of it since we haven't spoken, I went out on a date last night with an old friend, came back home and went to sleep… When I got up for work, I went out to my car to find someone had egged it. It still won't come off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 876

You deserved it 135

Today, finally we got our toddler daughter to sleep in her own bed. The wife and I were both excited to finally have our room to ourselves. Just as our daughter was about to fall asleep, the damn cat went into her room and loudly hacked up a huge hairball. Now she's back in mommy's and daddy's bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 331

You deserved it 7 052

Today, my boyfriend lamented that I do not profess my love for him as often and poetically as he does his for me. I try my best, but he's Italian and I am German, and this is not a level playing field. FML

I agree, your life sucks 876

You deserved it 168

Today, I found out I received a "D" on my ethics exam, not because I did not know the information or did not follow the correct guidelines for writing the moral arguments, but because according to my professor my moral values are wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 317

You deserved it 3 901

Today, at my wedding, my husband stood up to give a speech. It started out beautiful, until he told everyone how he started to fall in love with me after I blew him on our first date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 444

You deserved it 15 343

Today, I found out that my boss was actually legally obligated to send me to the hospital after I was hit on the head while working. I had to finish the entire work day while heavily concussed, and by the time I got to the ER I had lost complete feeling in my right side. They asked me to come in the day after. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 307

You deserved it 106