Nearly FMLs

By MRVOlivia - 06/03/2016 16:38 - United States - Hogansville

Today, instead of going out with my friends, I will be spending the day in the bathroom with period cramps switching between sitting on the toilet and vomiting into it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By anonymous - 06/03/2016 16:15 - United States - Downers Grove

Today, I officially wiped my asshole raw. It is now bleeding. Thank you stomach flu. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 06/03/2016 16:03 - United States - Massapequa

Today, I had to listen to my racist grandma complain about how illegals are ruining this country and how Trump is the best candidate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By cocostarrz - 06/03/2016 15:49 - United States - Dallas

Today, I was forced to admit to my parents that the used condom my mom found in her bed was mine to prove that my dad wasn't cheating. It wasn't mine. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By A sticky situation - 06/03/2016 15:48 - United Kingdom - Worthing

Today, as I reached for the toilet paper, my hand was met with a sticky white substance. It was my brother's spunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By loawe - 06/03/2016 15:43 - Australia - Page

Today, I introduced my boyfriend to my best friend and I left for a bathroom break to let them chat. I found out that my 'best friend' had proceeded to warn my boyfriend about me and advise him to get out of the relationship as fast as he could and run. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Tashido - 06/03/2016 15:32 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I've learned that if I don't want my kids getting taken away, I have to hide my belts from my wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By smzamir - 06/03/2016 14:54 - Pakistan - Karachi

Today my mother invited me over for lunch after previously disowning me due to my conversion to Islam. She said she wanted to patch up. Everything on the menu contained pork - even the salad. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By CalixQyu - 06/03/2016 14:50 - United States - Houston

Today, my mom sold my Xbox one and Xbox 360 along with games for $700. I was okay with this because I don't play with them anymore, as long as I get half of the money. When she refused I jokingly said I'll sue her. She not so jokingly kicked me out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By misstressV - 06/03/2016 14:20 - Australia - Coolum

Today, I was told my sex life scares the guy I just started dating. Why? Because I like sex at least once a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By anon - 06/03/2016 14:16 - Australia - Windsor

Today, as I was sleeping I woke to my deranged cat latching onto my foot. Leaving behind two massive cuts and his claw in my foot. It's so swollen and infected I can't walk. My job is a junior dance teacher. How will I explain this to my boss FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 06/03/2016 14:12 - United States - Natick

Today, I finally arrived at my hotel after a long drive. I fell asleep immediately and when I woke up I got ready to take a shower. I went into the bathroom and opened up the curtain to find a piece of poop laying in the shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By EpicPickelMagic - 06/03/2016 14:08 - United Kingdom - Rotherham

Today, it's Mother's Day. My dickhead of a brother did not only not get my Mum a present, but destroyed the oil painting I had made for her, which had taken me over 3 weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By 20bricks - 06/03/2016 14:08 - Japan - Nishinomiya

Today, I went to donate blood and a resident nurse asked me to allow her to practice inserting an IV needle. She then poked five holes in my left arm until she hit the right spot, making my arm look like a hardcore heroin addict's and basically making it rain. I think I need a transfusion now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By lolfmldkmxo - 06/03/2016 13:16 - Canada - Newmarket

Today, while taking care of my sick boyfriend j heard him making sounds as if he was gonna puke. the second i went to get up and grab a towel, he threw up.. all over me. im at his house with no extra clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By IamHM - 06/03/2016 13:11 - United States - Albuquerque

Today I was walking next to this woman and she tripped and face-planted. She got all bitchy and blamed me for it. What really happened is that her heel broke off her shoe and that tripped her. I tried to explain this but she didn't believe me and talked about pressing charges for assault. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 06/03/2016 13:03 - United States - Cherry Hill

Today, while at work I was joking around with my crush when I accidentally called her fat. I thought nothing of it until she left early and my manager told me the reason she's been missing so much work lately was because she put herself in treatment for having an eating disorder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 2

By rotomhead - 06/03/2016 12:32 - United Kingdom - Nottingham

Today, I was walking my dog when it did it's business. As I got a bag out, he ran off and jumped on an elderly lady. When I caught up and apologised, she told me off for not picking it up, and patronisingly stared at me the whole time when I went back to do so. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By cydia123 - 06/03/2016 12:16

Today, I finally worked up the courage to talk to HR about my coworker who sexually harasses me in the workplace. I was fired the day after for making up scenarios. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 06/03/2016 11:52 - United Kingdom

Today, I caught my girlfriend cheating. When I told her she was dumped, she told me to stop acting "childish" and that I need to "grow um and forgive others mistakes". FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 06/03/2016 11:03 - United States - Houston

Today, my boyfriend is mad at me for causing him to fail a science test. Apparently he thought I was serious when I told him that homo sapiens were extinct because they were "homo". FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 2

By Anonymous - 06/03/2016 10:20 - United States - San Diego

Today, my friend was going to teach me how to skateboard. As I was trying to keep my balance with his foot stopping the wheel from moving, his foot "somehow" slipped out from under the skateboard resulting in me falling and breaking my ankle. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By DemonEthanol - 06/03/2016 09:54 - United States - Columbus

Today, a patient picking up a prescription left a bedbug on the pharmacy counter. This isn't the first time it's happened, either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By sean k. - 06/03/2016 09:53 - United States - Hudsonville

My phone broke so it wont charge, and i have to get on my account and order a new one. I forgot the password to my phone account so i pressed the "forgot password" button. they sent my new password to my phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By r.ip. phone - 06/03/2016 09:37 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my cat fell asleep next to me. When I woke up, I saw that she had vomited all over my phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By wenediekatt - 06/03/2016 09:30 - United States - Saint George

Today, I realized it's only okay for my boyfriend to hang out with girls because he can control himself if they flirt with him. And it's not okay for me to hang out with guys because all guys are trying to get in my pants and no guy is trustworthy. It's doesn't make sense to me either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By liebe123110 - 06/03/2016 09:27 - United States - Bremerton

Today, my boyfriend called me a spoiled brat during an argument, because he buys everything. He is the reason I currently do not have a job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14

You deserved it 2

By wenediekatt - 06/03/2016 09:24 - United States - Saint George

Today, I realized I hit a new low with my socially awkwardness when I realized I'd rather buy vodka from my friends than having to deal with the anxiety of drinking with them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By WizardlyWaffles - 06/03/2016 09:10 - United States - Anchorage

Today, I was taking a shit when some guy knocked on my door, I disregarded it because it was probably just someone looking to sell something. Suddenly they started knocking furiously and I was scared shitless (no pun intended), turned out to be the USPS guy, he needed my signature for a package, FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 2

By Bawsack - 06/03/2016 08:39 - United Kingdom - Edinburgh

Today, I took my mum out for a meal for mother's day. What she didn't tell me she had invited my gran, my aunt, my sister in law and some other people. Nobody took money with them and I got stuck with the bill for 12 people. It's going to be a long month eating noodles till I get paid. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

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The Top

Today, I returned from a 5-day cruise for my senior spring break, filled with gorgeous sorority girls from all over the country. I was seasick the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 834

You deserved it 5 316

Today, I went to various attractions in Singapore throughout the day. Then, I visited Singapore Night Safari, a zoo with a theme at night. Besides dozing off throughout the train excursion, my night blindness ultimately prevented me from seeing more than 40% of the creatures. The ticket cost me USD$40. FML

I agree, your life sucks 239

You deserved it 775

Today, my boyfriend gave me a surprise gift. I was so excited until I opened it. It was the same exact sweater I bought for him last month, but in my size. He said, “I knew you liked it, so I got one for you too!” He didn’t remember that I already own one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 382

You deserved it 147

Today, I paid for my man to get a massage while we were on vacation. The hour passes and he wasn't answering his phone or texts. I go to the room and he’s just getting out of the shower. I come to find out she is high on ketamine, and he said they kissed. He still denies it. This is what I get for getting him a massage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 949

You deserved it 229

Today, my uncle got me a debit card and put $1000 on it for my Christmas present. However, he forgot to activate the card. The receipt with the 14-digit activation code is in the garbage in Colorado. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 841

You deserved it 3 783

Today, I tried to vacuum to surprise my mom with a clean house. The vacuum started shorting out, sparked, and then burst into flames mid living room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 155

You deserved it 2 108