Nearly FML

By Priest - 10/03/2016 14:20 - Hong Kong - Central District

Today, my younger brother picked up a bottle filled with holy water from the shelf and poured water all over my mom. When my mom asked why he did it, he said that it was my idea and that I was hoping to melt her. FML.

agreeclassic 2

vote type 1 1

By Not so happy anymore - 10/03/2016 14:13 - Finland - Helsinki

Today, I got a call from my boss, telling me that I got promoted to a new type of project. I was ecstatic about it until I 10 minutes later got into my first ever car accident, by reversing my car into the neighbor's car. I guess that's the universe's way to get me down from cloud nine. FML

agreeclassic 2

vote type 1 1

By im deaf - 10/03/2016 14:10 - Hong Kong - Central District

My grandpa came to my house today to tell me war stories of when he was in the Vietnam war. For some reason, I thought it would be funny to greeted him at the front door wearing a Viet Cong helmet and a camo ski mask. Now I can't hear properly and I have a sprained arm. FML

agreeclassic 1

vote type 1 4

By Cyntha - 10/03/2016 14:01 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I received a badge from this website stating that I've read every single FML on this site. Every. Single. One. FML

agreeclassic 2

vote type 1 1

By jwill200 - 10/03/2016 14:01 - United States - Greenville

Today, after finally working myself up to buy a 50$ yoga mat, my mom let the dog in my room and the dog peed and ripped it up with her claws. My mom denies she let the dog in. FML.

agreeclassic 1

vote type 1 0

By CaughtRedHanded - 10/03/2016 14:01 - Canada - Port-menier

Today, I fell asleep with my hands down my pants like every other night, what I didn't anticipate was getting my period halfway through the night, FML

agreeclassic 1

vote type 1 0

By GreekGleek6 - 10/03/2016 14:00 - United States - Cuyahoga Falls

Today, I have to take an AP physics test, and an AP Calculus test all while suffering the symptoms of switching psych meds because the quarter ends tomorrow. Symptoms like high blood pressure, sever fatigue, severe vertigo, memory loss, and severe dizziness. FML.

agreeclassic 1

vote type 1 0

By cekay59 - 10/03/2016 13:20 - New Zealand - Hamilton

Today, my fiance corrected himself from saying I was "pretty enough" for him to "not pretty at all" but "its cool, I don't care anyway." Gee, thanks. FML.

agreeclassic 1

vote type 1 0

By twentyonecliques - 10/03/2016 13:17 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was at work and was expecting a call from a new job. The phone rang, so I answered just as my boss was walking by. He fired me for being on the phone. The phone call I was on was the other job saying the position was filled. FML

agreeclassic 1

vote type 1 0

By Jessika706 - 10/03/2016 12:56 - United States - Fpo

Yesterday, my mother in-law accused me of stealing food from her refrigerator. I wasn't stealing food. She didn't have anything I went grocery shopping for her. FML

agreeclassic 1

vote type 1 0

By Paaske - 10/03/2016 12:02 - Denmark - Copenhagen

Today. After spending 5 hours of trying to remember every answer for a test, i completely blacked out during the test. I got an F. FML.

agreeclassic 1

vote type 1 0

By OnlySkyrimStays - 10/03/2016 11:58 - United Kingdom - Frome

Today a customer at work slapped my ass in front of my manager. Instead of reprimanding the customer, he also slapped my ass then high-fived the customer. FML.

agreeclassic 1

vote type 1 0

By promiscuousguy - 10/03/2016 11:58 - China - Xian

Today, my work computer got infected by a ransomware virus. All the Word and Excel files in the computer are locked and there is no way to unlock them. I am scheduled to have a meeting with my boss tomorrow, where I will need to use some of the infected files which I spent a few days preparing.

agreeclassic 1

vote type 1 0

By testingfml1 - 10/03/2016 11:54 - Brazil - Caruaru

Today I decided to wait to go the toilet at home as i was just a few minutes away. My car broke down. I got stressed and peed in my pants. FML

agreeclassic 1

vote type 1 0

By Facebook fail - 10/03/2016 11:30 - United States - Crestline

Today, I was so wasted and planned on anonymously posting an Fml. My dumb drunk ass updated my Facebook status instead. I deleted it but not before plenty of people saw the post "note to self: don't get drunk and wax your own genitals. Fml" Fml

agreeclassic 1

vote type 1 1

By Anonymous - 10/03/2016 11:22

Was having a horrible day at work, so I decided to take a 5 min break and check out this site. It was blocked by our work anti-virus, saying the site contains "adult content". Now I'm in trouble for trying to "watch porn" at work. FML

agreeclassic 1

vote type 1 0

By Anonymous - 10/03/2016 11:21 - Australia - Ryde

Today I caught my little sister masturbating. Loudly. In the chapel bathroom. During mass. FML

agreeclassic 5

vote type 1 0

By Classy Lizard - 10/03/2016 10:57 - United States - Honolulu

Today, I was told that I'm "Un-American" and need to go get raped by "Sand-Niggers" that I loved so much by about 8 people in town. Why? Because I had a sticker on my backpack saying, "I Stand With Refugees". I'm a US Veteran, I don't think I can get more "American". FML

agreeclassic 1

vote type 1 0

By May - 10/03/2016 10:46 - India - Virar

Today,during a family reunion,my 7 year old cousin came up to me and loudly announced that I watch porn. I don't. I'm now getting shocked stares and glares. My brother's smirk says it all. Now I know who made her say it. What's worse? No one believes me and think I'm a disgusting human being. FML.

agreeclassic 1

vote type 1 0

By DoodleBob123 - 10/03/2016 10:46

Today, my boss hinted to me about a promotion, we joked around about it a bit and then he asked me out to dinner. I'm straight, FML.

agreeclassic 1

vote type 1 1

By moxiinterstellar - 10/03/2016 10:31 - United Kingdom - Leeds

Today I was informed I was no longer eligible for my uni's full-ride PhD studentship because they were changing the requirements and were not offering it to international students anymore. Also today, we had class, and not one domestic student bothered to show up. FML.

agreeclassic 1

vote type 1 0

By EternalVirgin - 10/03/2016 10:31

Today, I got yet another friend request on FB which led to yet another guy proclaiming his undying love for me and wanting raunchy phone sex. Does my profile pic say 'Ready and willing'? No, no it doesn't. How do these assholes who find me without mutual friends or contacts? FML

agreeclassic 1

vote type 1 0

By Bianca - 10/03/2016 10:02 - Australia - Rowville

Today, I decided not to wear make up to work, my boss sent me home and recommended I go to see someone because I was "in denial" about being sick, FML

agreeclassic 1

vote type 1 0

By Anonymous - 10/03/2016 09:00 - United States - Noblesville

I started my period while modeling nude for an art class. I was hoping they wouldn't notice as the class was almost over, but then I saw all of the students slowly bring out red paint.

agreeclassic 1

vote type 1 0

By Borrowedbrain - 10/03/2016 08:40 - United Kingdom - Carmarthen

Today, an ex friend told her parents that my brother was her baby's father because she couldn't remember who it was. My brother can't possibly be the dad because he has the mentle age of five and she's never even met him. She's sticking to her story. FML

agreeclassic 1

vote type 1 0

By MrGodface - 10/03/2016 08:19 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, it's been two years that my girlfriend and I have been together, and I still haven't met her dad for fear of having my head blown off.FML

agreeclassic 1

vote type 1 0

By mlbrins - 10/03/2016 08:00 - United States

Today, I was peeling an orange as part of my 20-month-old son's breakfast, when he started freaking out on me. Apparently, I 'broke' his orange by peeling it, and had to get him a new, unpeeled orange to calm him down. He ate the rind and left the entire orange.

agreeclassic 1

vote type 1 0

By Never Again - 10/03/2016 07:43 - United States - Staffordsville

Today, I found maggots in one of the loofahs in my shower. I've since thrown all three of them out, and bleached the entire shower. I'm never using a loofah again. FML.

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 1

By Sostis - 10/03/2016 07:34 - Netherlands - Ede

Today, my boss fired me because of 'reasons'... when I asked him what reasons, he told me to shut up and respect his authority. My boss is also my dad. FML

agreeclassic 1

vote type 1 0

By oakleyoaks - 10/03/2016 07:31 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my great grand mother informed me that she will be voting for Donald Trump. Not because he is a good leader but because his hair looks like my great grand father who she thinks would be an amazing President. FML.

agreeclassic 1

vote type 1 0

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Today, I introduced my girlfriend to my dad. I thought it was a good idea at the time, at least until he took her aside for a private chat. During the chat, he told her all about my two previous marriages and advised her to "get out while you can". FML

agreeclassic 29 091

vote type 1 7 497

Today, I saved a kitten from the streets, cleaned her up and asked the vet what I should do with her because she was the sweetest thing and my cat has a highly contagious illness. The vet had to put her down. FML

agreeclassic 1 062

vote type 1 131

Today, I spent the whole night and day painting a portrait of my girlfriend. Being proud of it, I sent it to her hoping she would appreciate it. I spent hours working on that picture only for her to reply with, "That's not me, is it?" FML

agreeclassic 36 894

vote type 1 4 537

Today, I was checking out of a hotel when I saw some complementary mints. They weren't mints. They were glass beads. FML

agreeclassic 29 508

vote type 1 11 777

Today, I wore an expensive vintage blazer which I'd purchased at a market in Paris. Turns out my colleague has the exact same one, only hers is from a clearance rack at Target. FML

agreeclassic 23 713

vote type 1 8 830

Today, my teacher was talking about anorexia and bulimia. Midway through the lesson, she stopped and knowingly asked if I wanted to share my experiences with the class. I don't have an eating disorder, just a screwed-up metabolism. FML

agreeclassic 56 459

vote type 1 3 374