Nearly FMLs

By Anonymous - 12/03/2016 21:04 - United States

Today, I'm starting a week in sunny Florida. I'm very pale and extremely allergic to sunscreen. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By DinosaurTacoTime - 12/03/2016 21:04 - United States - Baird

Today, I needed a footstool while on the toilet just so my feet wouldn't dangle in the air uncomfortably. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By MallowMistress - 12/03/2016 20:56 - United States - Bartlesville

Today, I realized that my pregnancy is causing sweets to make me nauseous.... I just bought a large supply of sugar coated gummy prenatal vitamins. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By IRegretNothing - 12/03/2016 20:51 - United States - Irvine

Today, my Dad stormed into my room to find me dancing in the mirror with my headphones on full blast. He said I kept making "ha, ha, ha" breathing noises. He thought I was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By anon - 12/03/2016 20:50 - United States

Today, my crazy ex called me a cheating whore and posted an innapropriate video of me that i had no idea existed on two sites, and sent it to my friends and boyfriend. We had been broken up for over a month before i met the new guy, who probably now wants nothing to do with me. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By You Graduate Cause Of Me - 12/03/2016 20:49 - Philippines - San Pedro

Today, after months of me doing a major college project all by myself without any help from my partner, she suddenly shows up on presentation day. She was allowed to present with me since she's one of the teacher's niece. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By haiku575 - 12/03/2016 20:39 - Canada - Courtenay

Today, my pet chinchilla got diarrhea while I had let him out of his cage into my room. He didn't poop anywhere on the carpet. Only on objects. Say goodbye books, school essays, my art project, and a box of chocolates. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By Badluck101 - 12/03/2016 20:01 - United States - San Diego

Today, I lost my virginity & got chlamydia in return. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By Tatush_ - 12/03/2016 19:54 - United States - Mankato

Today, I was walking to Walmart when a handsome guy said hi to me. As I said hi back, I heard him tell his friend "Gosh, she's beautiful!" His friend replied with "no she's not." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By sickie - 12/03/2016 19:52 - United States - Junction City

Today, I am so sick it's hard to breathe. When I asked my mom to take me to the doctors she just told me "You're fine! Why would you have to go to the doctors?". FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By prollydead - 12/03/2016 19:34 - United States - Denver

Today, I finally got the chance to see a friend after not having seen her for 3 months. We ended up arguing about what to do the entire time. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By Djerbi - 12/03/2016 19:27 - Slovenia

Today, I cought my roomate eating a girl out on my couch. The worst part is, that while eating out, he was watching a video "How to give girl oral orgasm" on his phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By anotherschmuck - 12/03/2016 19:23 - United States - Toms River

Today, I put an offer on a new house. This would be exciting but directly after the meeting, my car suffered catastrophic failure. I need a new car but must wait 45 days until i can close on the house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By blubran - 12/03/2016 19:20 - United States - Grand Blanc

Today, Varsity baseball tryouts started. I'm a senior and have played varsity since I was a freshman. This year, they cut me from the team because "even though you are one of the best ball players here, we need to let other have a shot" FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By OptimusSlime - 12/03/2016 19:15 - United States - Sewell

Today, my dad kicked me, my mom, and my two brothers out of our house. He refused to give us even a roll of toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By ugh - 12/03/2016 19:00 - Netherlands - Vijfhuizen

Today, my dad came into my room, accusing me of stealing his expensive, favourite pen. Before I could say anything, he ranted about how unwanted I am and what a nasty piece of shit I am. When he finished, I pointed at his chest pocket, right where the pen was. He refuses to apologise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By imdone - 12/03/2016 18:50 - Switzerland - Wallisellen

Today, my husband wants to divorce. Yesterday he told me that he was so happy to be married to the best wife of the world. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By preggo - 12/03/2016 18:47 - Denmark - Gentofte

Today, my husband told me, he regrets us having children. I'm 9 months pregnant with our second child - a child he convinced me we should have

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 12/03/2016 18:47 - United States - Westfield

Today, I got a phone call from my kids' teacher. Apparently they had done a who is your idol project and my daughter wrote a very heartwarming paragraph about me. Her twin brother wrote about Kim Kardashian and how she has a nice ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By ho_slapped - 12/03/2016 18:44 - United States - Oakley

Today, despite being discreet and not exposing myself at all, a woman at the mall yelled at and slapped me for having the audacity to breastfeed my baby several feet away from her son. This same woman was wearing a see through top with nothing, not even a bra, on underneath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By STW - 12/03/2016 18:31 - Australia

Today, I went on a date with my girlfriend to celebrate our seven months, after a delicious lunch and a fun and amazing afternoon she broke up with me, happy seven months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Perry85 - 12/03/2016 18:30 - United States - Midland

Today, I had to receive blood to save my life after an accident. Turns out due to a mix up I received blood that had AIDS. Thanks Doc, now instead of a fast and painful death I'l die slow and painful. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 12/03/2016 18:24 - United States

Today, I called my mother to let her know how my first day of work went. She told me to never call her again because I stole five dollars from her when I was in third grade. I'm 19 and that five dollars was lunch money she gave me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Perry85 - 12/03/2016 18:09 - United States - Midland

Today, I was cuddling with my wife when her cat decided she wanted between us. She meowed and pawed me until I moved. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 12/03/2016 17:53 - United States

Today, while taking a shower with my mute cat, who loves being in water, started to meow. She picked a hell of time to finally meow. To celebrate I picked her up to hug her, forgetting where we were. She proceeded to attack me, causing me to lose balance and hit my head on the edge of the tub. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By SailorSolaris - 12/03/2016 17:37 - United States - Evanston

Today, I discovered that what I thought was just muscle pain in my chest was actually an infection in the veil around my lungs. It's been there for over 16 years now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By anonymous - 12/03/2016 17:25 - United States - Palm Harbor

Today,I got beat up by two old ladies when I got into the wrong car. As soon as they locked the door I realized it wasn't the wrong car. They won't unlock the doors.FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Potato - 12/03/2016 17:20 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my girlfriend accidentally sent me a message saying "I really wanna rub Shrek heads all over my naked body." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By friendlyfailure - 12/03/2016 17:15 - United States

Today, I was home alone and hungry so I ordered a pizza. The pizza delivery guy turned out to be my middle school stalker, now he knows where I live. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By SKB019 - 12/03/2016 17:12 - United States - Baltimore

Today, my so called "friend" posted a rant on Facebook about how she is so tired from taking care of her kid for 3 years and went into explain the little bit of help she receives....Little do ppl know I have been taking care of her child day and night while she parties since she was a week old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Love Coworkers Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Jealousy Underwear Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, I bought my daughter a rape alarm after she had a near-miss with a creep following her to her part-time job. As soon as I handed it to her in the car park, she accidentally set it off and one of her coworkers put me in a rather painful headlock and threw me to the ground, breaking my arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 183

You deserved it 203

Today, I went to the beach with this boy I like. Not thinking it'd be anything more than a simple date, I didn't shave my downstairs. We were sitting on a towel and I laid down. Then he said, "Is there a squirrel in your pants?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 142

You deserved it 44 021

Today, my Dad told me that I was named after the dog he accidentally shot in the head as a teenager. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 892

You deserved it 2 443

Today, I'm in Venice for a romantic weekend. While I was gushing about the gondolas, canals and the city of love in general, the only thing my boyfriend could say was, "Wow! How cool is it to be on the set of the Tomb Raider movie?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 489

You deserved it 9 018

Today, on the road in China, I committed a small offense. A cop saw me, stopped me and told me that I deserved to be punished. He didn’t fine me, instead he sent me to the naughty step for five minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 720

You deserved it 185

Today, my grandpa passed away. The only emotion my dad showed was anger, because my grandpa owed my dad money. Now he wants to take it from my grandma, like he's some sort of mobster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 432

You deserved it 1 549