Nearly FMLs

By Kimmerlee - 13/03/2016 03:34 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend told me I was overreacting with my anxiety and depression. I was only recently released from hospital after being in ICU for attempted suicide. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By kissingkittens - 13/03/2016 03:32 - United States - El Paso

Today,I came out as lesbian to my parents. My dad looked me dead in the eye and asked,"Is this because guys don't like you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By NeverGonnaBakeAgain - 13/03/2016 03:26 - United States - Fayetteville

Today, I got baked for the first time. I did it with some friends, and I was pretty out of it for most of the time. Apparently, for most of the night, I had a raging hard on that I didn't notice, and my "Friends" got on video, and put it on Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By .... - 13/03/2016 03:21 - United States - Milwaukee

Today, I was on an amazing date with the girl of my dreams. The date went really well, and I took her home, and did the deed. And then I woke up. In wet sheets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By anonymous - 13/03/2016 03:18 - United States - Charlotte

Today, I was having some fun with my boyfriend and I was close to orgasm. I was about to squirt all over him. To bad it wasn't my juice. It was diarrhea.FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By dumbshit - 13/03/2016 03:18 - United States - Costa Mesa

Today, when I went to use the bathroom at work I finished peeing and THEN realized the lid of the toilet was still shut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 13/03/2016 02:51 - United States - Akron

Today, while visiting my grandpa in the hospital (who has a broken ankle), an old lady rolled over my foot with a scooter. Because I naturally have weak bones, both me and my grandpa are in the hospital with broken feet now.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 13/03/2016 02:39 - United States - Saint Peters

Today, I broke up with my abusive girlfriend. Now she's constantly telling everyone at my school that I'm gay for my best friend, and that I have a raging foot fetish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By schatz - 13/03/2016 02:19 - United States - Houston

Today, my now ex after 2 years, told me he never loved me and cheated on me with several other people......including guys. All while I was out with his sister for dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By AussieBee - 13/03/2016 02:06 - United Kingdom - Cardiff

Today, my aunt died. I told my boyfriend, hoping for support. He decides that now was the best time to break up with me. Apparently he needed me to fill a void in his life... FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By Blue Balls - 13/03/2016 01:59 - United States - Jamestown

Today, my wife put a chastity device on me. She insisted on watching porn together and she won't take it off of me. I have the worst case of blue balls and she thinks it is hilarious and won't give me the key. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7

You deserved it 14

By Pro - 13/03/2016 01:52 - United States - Lafayette

Today, while taking a test, I had the extreme urge to sneeze. In an attempt to muffle the noise I was about to make, I covered my mouth firmly with my bare arm only to make a long and incredibly loud farting noise as one would usually do to make a fake farting noise. Everyone stared intently. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By __Dreamers__ - 13/03/2016 01:39 - United States - Fords

Today, at dinner my sister announced she was pregnant. After awhile my parents started when I'm going to give them grandchildren. I'm only 17. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 13/03/2016 01:33 - United States - Harrisburg

Today, I was masturbating and the porn star in the video looked familiar, after I was done I looked at the name of her and saw that it was my sister. Dinner that night was the most awkward time of my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By ElaborateScheme - 13/03/2016 01:30 - United States - Nashville

Today, a creepy neighbor moved in. When I was changing I went to close the curtains. There I found my neighbor staring straight at me and instead of moving she stared at me for a couple of seconds then yelled at me asking me where the painting on the wall was from. Wtf. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By thanks - 13/03/2016 01:29 - United States - Wilmington

Today, after being sick for 3 weeks and being diagnosed with a kidney stone, I went to the doctor again. Turns out I have no kidney stone but I do have mono. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By disgracedislandcitizen - 13/03/2016 01:29

Today, I broke my iPhone 6S Plus. It wouldn't have been so bad, except this is the one I ordered to replace the iPhone 6 I broke less than a week ago. I've had this one for just three days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Konnichiwashingston - 13/03/2016 01:29 - United States - Mclean

Today, I tried to get the attention of my boyfriend by showering and leaving the door wide open as an invitation. He used that opportunity to pelt me with ice cubes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 375

You deserved it 430

By Anonymous - 13/03/2016 01:28 - United States - San Francisco

Today, we weren't doing anything in class, so I put my headphones on and plugged them into my phone, and went to YouTube. The video had dildo jokes including "Kiss the dildo!" My phone didn't register the headphones were plugged in. Someone had to tell me they weren't working. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 13/03/2016 01:24 - United States - Houston

Today, me and my family was on our way to my grandma's Wake. Our car broke down half way there, then we got stuck in traffic and bad weather. We missed it by 6 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By drugsandcatsman - 13/03/2016 01:22 - United States - Albuquerque

Today, I accidentally burped into my boyfriend's face, again. I had eaten my one of my favorite dumpling snacks earlier. This happens often enough that he was able to guess I had dumplings without me telling him I did. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By simplybadass - 13/03/2016 00:51 - United States - Clinton

Today, my boyfriend came over so we could go on a date. He then decides to take a "small nap" lasting all night until he got up to leave. This has basically been the last month of our relationship. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Bethany S - 12/03/2016 23:48 - United Kingdom - Aberdeen

Today, I went to pick up my brand new car which I had worked my butt off for a year to buy. Not long after getting it home my idiot of a brother rear ends it while pulling in too quickly into our driveway. Back to the garage it goes, after only owning it for 2 hours. My brother laughed. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By roses-r_green - 12/03/2016 23:25 - United States - Blair

Today, I went to get my hair cut. I have been growing it out for 4 years and it was down to my waist, so when the hair stylist washed it I never thought that she would use hair removal shampoo. Now I have no hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By anon - 12/03/2016 23:19 - United States - Arlington

Today, two police officers showed up at my dorm room. Aparently my crazy ex posted an innapropriate video of me that I didn't know existed on two websites and sent it to my friends and new boyfriend, FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By AIdan - 12/03/2016 23:10 - United States - Little Silver

Today me and my neighbors were looking for their cat, who's name is Whiskers. I kept saying "Come here, kitty, kitty." or, "Come here, Whiskers!" that I eventually started to say "Come here, Whiskey!" My neighbor thought I was crazy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By thesuperMrE1 - 12/03/2016 22:50 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I went to deposit my tax return checks through my banks ATM. While processing the checks, the machine shut down and restarted. The bank can't do anything about it until Monday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Tycollie - 12/03/2016 22:30 - Australia - Malvern

Today, I discovered that my previous 3 boyfriends only dated me because they were having bet about who could date me the longest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By faulty charger? - 12/03/2016 21:46 - United States - Charleston

Today, I'm so sleep deprived from studying for exams that I tried to charge my book before I went to school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By lonelyaf - 12/03/2016 21:32 - United States - Tarpon Springs

Today, I went on my fifth date with the most wonderful man I had ever met. He texted me later to tell me he just found out he had two days before shipping off to basic training. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

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The Top

Today, I woke up early to weird scratching and smacking noises. After gathering enough courage to check what it was, I found out it was just an ant stuck on a piece of paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 223

You deserved it 347

Today, my neighbor at my apartment building told me water from my sink was leaking into his apartment. He told me to call maintenance to fix it, but they won't help unless he calls. He refuses to, and I can't do my dishes without feeling like an asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 354

You deserved it 3 036

Today, I found out that the day I moved out of my parents' house, they invited my whole family over and had a party to celebrate the fact that I was gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 259

You deserved it 5 389

Today, marks 2 weeks since I got Oral Allergy Syndrome, a.k.a. randomly becoming allergic to apples, bananas, strawberries, blueberries, raspberries, blackberries, grapes, mangos, carrots, celery, beets, sunflower seeds, fennel, my toothpaste, and more things I just haven't tried yet. I'm vegan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 878

You deserved it 2 290

Today, the drummer from my favorite band threw a drumstick into the crowd during a concert. It hit me on the head and bounced into my friend's hands. She left with a drumstick from a band she didn't want to see in the first place. I left with a bruise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 658

You deserved it 175

Today, my boss captured a huge spider and put it in a jar on the desk in our shop. He's named it Fluffy and is threatening to fire me if I harm it. I'm horribly arachnophobic and we share that desk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 976

You deserved it 2 582