Nearly FMLs

By SamuelLJackson - 13/03/2016 19:20 - United States

Today, the gorgeous blonde girl I've been in love with for 3 years finally decided to go out with me. Too bad every time I say something even slightly affectionate she responds with "gayyy" or something along those lines, and she only responds to text every 2-3 days. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By anonymouks - 13/03/2016 19:12 - United States

Today, I gambled with a fart at my sisters house. I lost 1 pair of underwear and slacks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By HarmoniousMe - 13/03/2016 18:55 - United States - Portland

Today, I called my dad to reimburse me for paying off the outstanding Comcast bill he had fraudulently gotten in my name so that I can get Internet in my apartment. he said no. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By BackToHidingLikeWaldo - 13/03/2016 18:43 - United States - Douglas

Today, I ran into a few friends I haven't seen in a while at a carnival. Before I knew it, they all started rubbing my stomach and congratulating me on my pregnancy. Nope, not pregnant, just finding the balls to go out in public in an apparently not - so - flattering dress. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By InsipidPotatoes - 13/03/2016 18:34 - Israel - Bene Beraq

Today, at school, the clown of the class said I looked like a penis. Everyone started laughing, so I looked to the teacher for support. She just nodded and said "He's right.", with a completely serious expression. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Gymrat15 - 13/03/2016 18:09 - United States - Lake Charles

Last night my mom walked out on us, left me with my little brother and sister crying in my arms. She came back the next day, told us it was our fault, and told me she came back because she realized she needed dad's money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By greatstartright - 13/03/2016 18:07 - United States - Waldorf

Today, my fiancé came back from his deployment. I got him from the airport and drove him to his parents house to pick up his car. There was a surprise welcome home party waiting for him. This would have been nice if his family hadn't approached me and told me I wasn't invited FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By oh boy - 13/03/2016 18:02 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my brother is getting confirmed. My mom sent my suit to the dry cleaner yesterday and they can't get it back to us in time. I have no choice but to wear sweatpants and an athletic jacket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By slendygirl - 13/03/2016 17:56 - United States - Simpsonville

My ac is broken and at midnight I woke up in what appeared to be sweat, so I fell back asleep. In the morning it turns out I was covered in my 5 month old puppy's pee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By HandsyBF - 13/03/2016 17:50 - United States - Clermont

Today, I was wearing a dress with no panties under it. My boyfriend just took it upon himself to touch me through the dress. Now there is a wet spot on the front of it and I have to change. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By Bakhtiar Khan - 13/03/2016 17:46 - Pakistan - Karachi

Today, at work, I was just using the washroom after a hefty lunch. As soon as I opened the stall door, my co-worker let out a toxic fart which I swear killed at least 2 flies. I had to be smelling like fart for the next 6 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 13/03/2016 17:30 - United States - Hayward

Today, I asked my boyfriend on a date, only for him to reply "Oh sorry I'm hanging out with Crystal", his co worker who he talks about in his sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 13/03/2016 16:34 - United States - Roxboro

Today, my roommate decided to play a prank on me by removing the food in the pantry from their boxes and leaving the empty boxes. This would have been funny if it wasn't for the fact that his ideal place for the food was the back seat of his car. Now all of our food is either melted or ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By chandler146 - 13/03/2016 16:30 - United States - Jemez Springs

Today, At subway this lady was giving the cashier a hard time, I felt bad for her so i gave her a tip. when I got home I opened someone else's sandwich because they mixed ours up. I hope they enjoyed the sandwich I had wanted all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By brantley - 13/03/2016 16:18 - United States

Today, my girlfriend told me that I might as well get another girl on the side because she wasn't gonna have sex with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 13/03/2016 16:16 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I had to get ready to go into work. I don't have a shift, my boss just insisted that I be the one to pick up the order my father placed. I am sick with a fever, which my boss knows because I had to call off yesterday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By TheUpsetMan - 13/03/2016 16:15 - United States - Toledo

Today, the spare that my father put on my car fell of on the freeway on the way to school. He also took my phone. I had to walk 2 and a half miles in below freezing temperatures to find someone who was open at 7:30 in the morning so I could borrow a phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By LittleGina - 13/03/2016 16:07 - United States - Roxboro

Today, my bank called me to tell me that someone hacked 150 accounts in their database and that I was one of those accounts. They informed me that they will be shutting down my account for a week while they send me a new debit card. I have 5 bills to pay this week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By Djerbi - 13/03/2016 16:02 - Slovenia

Today, I went skiing with my new skis. When I came home I have realized that I brought home skis that look like my old one and left my new 900€ skis in front of the restaurant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By Navarog - 13/03/2016 15:53 - United States - Littleton

Today, my friend went on and on about her friend named Alex who would be absolutely perfect for me. Against my better judgment, I decided to go on the blind date. Turns out, Alex is a guy. I'm not gay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 13/03/2016 15:41 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my neighbour came over to pay me for babysitting her dog for a week. I wasn't home, so my mom took the money. When I confronted her, she said she did all the work anyways, and spent the money. She doesn't even know which house it is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By OneOnJuanAction - 13/03/2016 15:26 - United States - Glastonbury

Today, I paid to have a look at my family tree on a website that was reviewed good by many people. When I put my information through it, t said that it couldn't find my family tree. There are no refunds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 13/03/2016 15:18 - United States - Lewis Center

Today, after attributing my late period to the stress of my ex boyfriend who was just sentenced to prison, I took a five pregnancy tests, all of which came up positive. Guess who the father is? FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By Speshul - 13/03/2016 14:55 - United Kingdom - Farnham

Today, I bought a cheap radio controlled helicopter to amuse myself with. After a few false starts I got it airborne and it flew away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By anonymous - 13/03/2016 14:32 - United States - Chicago

Today, I slept over at my grandparents' house because I haven't seen them in a while. To my shock, in the middle of the night, they were getting frisky. They are both around 80 and I am a 27 year Old virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By DataWog - 13/03/2016 14:15 - Canada - Victoria

Today, I woke up from a night of drinking with my girlfriend feeling sore, vulnerable, and alone. Turns out my depression had reared its ugly head, and she got so scared for me she called the cops. I was almost committed. I'm not even sure it's a good thing I wasn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 13/03/2016 13:45 - United States - Meriden

Today, I woke up before my boyfriend and decided to be sweet and kiss him on the cheek. Still asleep, he made a face, brushed his cheek off with his hand, and rolled over into the pillows so I couldn't do it again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By axu - 13/03/2016 13:17 - United States - Raleigh

Today, I sparred for the first time in four months at the state championships for taekwondo. I had just been punched in the left eye four months ago, and was just cleared by the doctor. I was really excited, but out of practice, and I ended up getting kicked in the same eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 13/03/2016 13:16 - United States - Bloomington

Today, my coworker (without my knowledge) thought it would be funny to text everyone in my contact list that I was gay. I came home to my family, fiance and family priest staging an intervention. Even though I keep telling everyone I am not gay no one will believe me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By hannieannie - 13/03/2016 10:29 - United Kingdom - Lichfield

Today, I got woken up to the sound of my boyfriend jacking off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, I was demoted at my job for sleeping in the store when I'd have a few after closing. Apparently, they would rather have me drive drunk than do the responsible thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 222

You deserved it 1 749

Today, I woke up and found that the tree in my front yard was gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 392

You deserved it 46

Today, the man I have been dating for 3 weeks, who told me he owns a high end restaurant in the city, handed me my lunch order through the drive-thru at Wendy's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 004

You deserved it 10 027

Today, I was filling out paperwork with my new doctor. During the questionnaire, she asked if I was sexually active. I said yes. She then asked, "What do you do?" I told her I normally did vaginal, but sometimes anal. She blushed and started to laugh. She was asking where I worked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 271

You deserved it 47 311

Today, I finally measured myself to find a properly fitted bra. I'm AAA, a size which doesn't technically exist. Goodbye self esteem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 599

You deserved it 362

Today, I had to go to my parents' house and interrupt their "private time" to tell them that grandpa is in the emergency room. For those of you who are wondering if it gets any less traumatizing and/or awkward as an adult: it doesn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 405

You deserved it 103