Nearly FMLs

By thechosenone - 11/03/2016 13:07 - United States - Houston

Today, after a week of confidently dismissing the idea because I've only ever had sexual contact with one person, my test results came back. It was positive. I have herpes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By tygerarmy - 11/03/2016 13:00 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I got to repay my friend who always drives me to the airport by driving him. After driving him and getting home, he calls me up as his flight has been canceled. Driving to get him I got a good look at all the traffic we're now stuck in on the way back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By Constipated Crooner - 11/03/2016 12:41 - United States - Summersville

Today, I was constipated. Thinking I was home alone, I decided to make light of the situation by finding out what it would sound like to sing and strain at the same time. Turned out my mom hadn't left for work yet. She thought something was seriously wrong. Oops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 2

By Ray YoungSimba S. - 11/03/2016 12:37 - United States - Warrensburg

Today, I realized I was so drunk last night, that I mistook my girlfriends bedroom for her sisters. When I woke up her parents were at the door and I could hear my girlfriend sobbing in the next room well her sister was sobbing next to me. Can you say lose lose . FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 2

By iwanttodie2 - 11/03/2016 12:15 - United Kingdom

Today, I was driving my son to school when a guy ran over a red light and crashed into us. I survived, my son didn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By heartbrokenman - 11/03/2016 12:11 - Australia - Mount Gambier

Today i found out that the woman i love seems to think that the best way to tell me to move on was to make out with me then while she was straddling me topless tell me we cant be together and i need to find someone else to love. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By anonymous - 11/03/2016 11:53 - Australia - Bingil Bay

Today, after six weeks working away at sea I came home early to surprise my girlfriend, she broke up with me FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By I made a monster - 11/03/2016 11:33 - United States - Rochester

Today, I told my friend to read "To Kill a Mockingbird" and he said he will. Now, he won't stop calling people niggers and sluts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By May - 11/03/2016 11:08

Today,my dad gifted me a puppy on my birthday.I was really happy and decided to take it for a walk. As soon as it stepped out,it got in a fight with the neighbour's dog,spilled a trashcan and bit a kid. The same day,it tore my new carpet and broke an expensive flower vase. Happy birthday. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By exhasted - 11/03/2016 10:35 - United States

Today, i asked my husband to get my sleeping pills off the tall shelf because i have an interview at 7am. its currently 4:30am and im still awake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By ZeSamalama - 11/03/2016 10:35 - Australia - Mount Waverley

Today, I ended up getting a huge bruise on my face because I kneed myself while trying to take off my shoe FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By ARGOTH - 11/03/2016 10:35 - South Africa - Vanderbijlpark

Today, I went to bed early, my cat decided to crawl in under the sheets with me between my legs, I get cold easy so decided to tuck the sheets into my sides, forgetting the cat won't be able to get out,later I woke up to my cat pissing me and my bed wet from not getting out under the sheets.... FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 2

By Anonymous - 11/03/2016 09:54 - United States - Dallas

My husband... just touched a mysterious wet spot on the toilet seat and then licked his finger. I don't think I've ever been so horrified in my entire life. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 11/03/2016 09:36 - Australia - Malvern

Today, I was walking with a tray full of glass cups in front of my boss at work. I was trying to impress her but ended up tripping over and then slipping over on water which caused me to drop all the glasses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 2

By Noob64 - 11/03/2016 09:27

Today, while taking a test in class, I started to daydream about this girl I have a bit of a crush on. When I snapped back to reality, there I was, sitting in the middle of class, with a huge boner in my pants for everyone to see. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By snoringl94 - 11/03/2016 09:07 - United States - Killeen

Today, the swat team busted down my door. They had the wrong apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By wtf dad - 11/03/2016 09:05 - United States

Today, I found my father picking holes in my stash of condoms he found earlier today. He thought what he did was justified. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By crazymentalblond - 11/03/2016 09:02 - Japan

Today, I got one of the packages I mailed to myself from my parents' house. Inside was a cat clock I've had for over 10 years. Despite it being packed with a lot of cushioning, it still broke. I can't find a replacement online, nor do I have the original receipt in order to file a claim. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By Redwings - 11/03/2016 08:57 - United States - Pomona

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend in the back of his car. He was about to finish when all of a sudden he sees blood on his privates. It was dark so he turns on the light where he sees more blood on my privates, on the seats, and on our faces. Thanks Mother Nature! FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By d4mnitskye - 11/03/2016 07:50 - United States

Today, I learned how bad my social anxiety is when I finished ordering food and said "have a nice day" then spent the next 10 minutes cursing myself because it was actually night time, FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By Inoblitus - 11/03/2016 07:21 - United States - Elizabeth

Today, I came home to find my boyfriend had bought spray on hair remover. He sprayed his whole body from the neck down n now feels women complain too much about hair removal because this "only took him 15 minutes" to do. I now have a smug hairless gerbil for a boyfriend.fml.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By anono - 11/03/2016 07:21 - Canada - Vanderhoof

Today, I did the math, if I had gotten pregnant the last time my husband and I had sex, I'd have a 2 month old. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By lactose-intolerable - 11/03/2016 06:39 - United States - Hanover

Today, I farted in the car. My crush mentioned how bad it stank, but didn't blame me. Later, at the party, I was in the bathroom with terrible intestinal problems and I thought to myself, "Wouldn't it be awful if he's outside the door and could connect the smells?" He was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By HylianBadger - 11/03/2016 06:39 - United States

Today, the first thing my birthmother ever said to me after thirteen years of absence was, "Good thing you're actually your father's kid, because you might have ended up with your uncle's nose. That's where your brother got his, you know." Fml

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By HylianBadger - 11/03/2016 06:31 - United States

Today, I finally understand why my birthmother gave custody of my brother and me to my dad when I was ten. She had found a man over the internet whose disability checks were worth more than my dad's child support, and her love for us. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By hannah_cheers - 11/03/2016 06:24 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I'm stuck on the toilet with some very bad diarrhea. My leg had been asleep for an hour now and I can't getup without potentially shitting myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By weddingcrazies - 11/03/2016 06:24 - Canada - Richmond

Today, with most of the snow gone, the street cleaning machines were doing their jobs. To bad I was walking by when they swept over the pile of dog poo. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By I'm Grape - 11/03/2016 05:43 - United States - Elmwood Park

Today, I got my hair cut and dyed. Everything was fine until the stylist (who is also my mom's friend) dyed my whole head purple. I wanted blue/black and silver hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By cmybones - 11/03/2016 05:25 - United States - Orlando

Today, I went to a concert I'd been waiting months for. It was amazing, except for the gentleman next to me with the halitosis level satanic and his wife with the cheap perfume. I have multiple chemical sensitivity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By collegesucks - 11/03/2016 05:22 - United States - Iowa City

Today, I had two midterm exams that consisted of my entire night. Feeling pretty shitty about both of them, I called my mom. After crying to my mom about my terrible night, my roommate comes in the room to boast to tell me how well she did on hers. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

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Keywords

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The Top

Today, my coworkers were trying to teach me how to play a card game. There was one rule that I just couldn’t wrap my head around, even with three of my coworkers explaining it in different ways. It just didn’t make any sense whatsoever to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 704

You deserved it 249

Today, I found out I will not be moving back to California. My mom told me we were going to go on a 2 month vacation to see family in India. She decided we are staying for good. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 261

You deserved it 300

Today, my son had a child to spite his ex and ex-stepson. He was holding his daughter in his arms in the delivery room when he told me that now I can stop visiting his ex-stepson and pretending he’s my real grandchild, because now I have a real granddaughter. I’m speechless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 968

You deserved it 239

Today, I was at the Apple Store taking random pictures of myself. I took one with a really stupid face. This girl passes by and says, "Wow, that's a cool effect! You look just like an alien!" I wasn't using any effects. It was a regular picture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 063

You deserved it 11 016

Today, when I was ordering pizza, I got a text from my mom saying "I love you". When the man thanked me I accidentally said, "I love you too." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 812

You deserved it 5 474

Today, as a pizza delivery guy, I was forced to see yet another naked 200 pound teenage girl with a serious case of body acne. They're starting to give me nightmares. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 214

You deserved it 3 715