Nearly FML

By NoSleep - 12/03/2016 16:16 - United States - West Hartford

Today, after carefully preparing my 8-month old baby for Daylight Savings by pushing her sleep schedule off by ten minutes each day for over a week, I learned that I sleep prepped her in the wrong direction. Now instead of just being off an hour, she'll be off by two. FML.

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By useless - 12/03/2016 16:12 - Netherlands - Vijfhuizen

Today, my dad busted into my room, accusing me of stealing his expensive, favourite pen. Before I could say anything, he ranted about how unwanted I am, and what a nasty piece of shit I am. At the end of his rant, I pointed to his chest pocket, right where the pen was. He refuses to apologise. FML

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By alerra - 12/03/2016 16:10 - United States - Baton Rouge

Today, I met the man of my dreams at work. I then met the man of his dreams, his boyfriend. FML

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By Envision - 12/03/2016 16:08 - United States - Westminster

Today, I was ranting to my friend about how much my other friends neglected and insulted me. She ended up telling everyone about how I feel. It made absolutely no change. They still neglect and insult me. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/03/2016 15:31 - United States - Hazel Green

Today, I was eating chocolate and watching a movie, with my bird on my shoulder. As I was finishing off the crumbs of the chocolate, I was excited to find a big piece and promptly ate it. It wasn't chocolate. Mad at not getting any, my bird had left me a little "gift". FML

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By pureNed - 12/03/2016 15:15 - United States - Dayton

Today, my girlfriend, who I deeply love, told me she does not want the engagement ring I gave to her. Why? Apparently sitting with a group of people from work at a restaurant, and one of them being a girl, is a sign I care more about the girl than her. FML

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By Anon - 12/03/2016 15:10 - United States - Lexington

Today, I found out that I lost my virginity and got a girl pregnant in less than 2 months. Don't use Trojans, kids. FML

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By isuuh - 12/03/2016 15:04 - United States - Tujunga

Today, my crush got me flowers. After 5 minutes of overwhelming happiness, I found out that it was all a bet. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/03/2016 14:42 - United States - Cincinnati

Today, I went to church for a youth group session, with kids aged 6 to 17. About halfway through I saw one of the youngest messing with my wallet and assumed he took my cash. Upon closer inspection, he took my condom.FML

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By she didn't buy anything - 12/03/2016 14:39 - United States - Indianapolis

Today, my shift at khols started with working in the dressing room. This one girl, dressed like a complete slot, asked for "A fucking dressing room." She left probably ten pairs of pants and three pairs of clothes on the ground of the dressing room. And her bloody tampon. FML

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By spbb223 - 12/03/2016 14:31 - United States - Hastings

Today my mom gave me my birthday present. I got a package of Easy Mac and a can of cheddar Pringles. My birthday isn't for another 3 months. FML

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By ewww - 12/03/2016 14:23 - United States - Houston

Today, my boyfriend and I were having a little fun, and I began scratching his back. When I took my hands away, I felt a number of little pimples underneath my nails. FML

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By R_Horsefeet - 12/03/2016 14:07 - Netherlands

Today, I'm still waiting for my paycheck from december, january and february because the company I work for has organization problems. I work for the government, so the only thing I can do is wait and pay the government my taxes for payments they haven't paid out yet. This happens too often. FML

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By Meemaypa - 12/03/2016 13:51 - United States - Hixson

I went to a hair salon yesterday, and halfway through the haircut the lady stopped, and walked away. I thought she was just getting something, but she never came back. The owner of the salon wouldn't finish the haircut for me, do now half of my hair is layered and dyed....but not the other half. FML

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By minombreesDerek - 12/03/2016 13:20 - United States

Today, after a long night of tossing and turning and frustrating attempts to keep warm I woke up on the hard ground shivering to death and had my first nose bleed. All because my oldest sister refused to rent a room while we waited at the terminal for over 24 hours for our flight the next day. FML

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By crazy phone cat lady - 12/03/2016 13:20 - United States - King George

Today, I got my phone back after having it confiscated for a week. I was really happy, because there was something I had been dying to check all week. Not my emails, texts, or missed calls, but my virtual cat game. FML

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By Aromal Babu - 12/03/2016 13:08 - Saudi Arabia - Riyadh

Today, I violated traffic rules and got a fine of 250$. My dad said he'll disown me and give me to an orphanage. FML

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By anonymous - 12/03/2016 13:03 - United States - Fremont

Today, while teaching a class. 2 of my students snuck off only to be found screwing each other in another room. The class laughed. FML

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By Tenerife - 12/03/2016 12:38 - Spain - M?laga

Today, I'm going home after a week in Tenerife with the family. Today is also the day I started my period, have massive diarrhea which pills can't stop, huge infection on my boob, feel like I'm going to throw up and also have a fever. 6 hour flight is going to be interesting. FML

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By Garnetshaddow - 12/03/2016 12:06 - United States - Boulder

Today, I have both cramps and a splitting headache. I only have one microwaveable heat pack that's safe to sleep on. I can't choose. FML

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By anonymous - 12/03/2016 11:59 - Anonymous Proxy

Today, I have finally reached the age where I now piss myself a little bit every time I cough, sneeze, laugh, stand up, sit down, carry anything heavier than a feather or do any sort of physical activity more strenuous than lying in bed. I am 17. FML

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By Jake - 12/03/2016 11:55 - Anonymous Proxy

Today, I defended a woman from a purse snatcher and almost got stabbed. I asked if she was OK but she turned out to be a raging feminist psycho who slapped me for daring to assume she needed a man to help her. Apparently I should have left her alone to deal with a violent criminal with a knife FML

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By student - 12/03/2016 11:26 - Australia - Camperdown

Today, my girlfriend dumped me right after we had chosen and submitted the same electives as each other. FML

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By PCKid11 - 12/03/2016 11:15 - United Kingdom - Smethwick

Today, I decided to finally tell someone higher up in school about how I was being bullied. Their response? "Well can you tell us their names?" They ran away every time they bullied me, and it's unlikely they'd tell me their names anyway. Apparently they can't help me. FML.

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By Technically - 12/03/2016 10:58 - France - Ivry-sur-seine

Today, my roommate tried to set me up with a friend of hers. I politely declined as his tatoos are a major turn off for me. I got yelled at for 25 minutes for being so incredibly racist and inconsiderate. FML.

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By Sosuke_Aizen - 12/03/2016 10:46 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I set a blow torch on fire. I'm still not certain how this even happened. FML

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By Adamjmumford00 - 12/03/2016 10:25 - United Kingdom - Stone

Today, my father punched me in the face. Why? I said I like the look of the Tesla Model S more than his Mercedes. It's been 15 minutes and my nose is still bleeding. FML

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By Noob64 - 12/03/2016 09:16

Today, while visiting my grandmother, I happen to see something sitting on her nightstand. It was the gift I had gotten my mother for Christmas. It would seem that she re-packaged my gift to pass it off as a gift from her to her mother. FML

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By calebscockblock - 12/03/2016 09:15 - United Kingdom - Haywards Heath

Today, I was fucking my girlfriend. We rolled over so I was on top, and continued until we heard a slight crackle noise.. turns out we'd rolled onto her phone and butt-dialed her moms speed-dial, she heard everything. FML

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By enemyofcats - 12/03/2016 08:42 - United States - Naples

Today, I was taking a walk. A cat came up to me and starting purring and rubbing itself on my legs. When I started to walk again the cat followed me, and while I stood still patiently waiting for it to leave, the cat bit my leg out of nowhere and took off. FML

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Love Coworkers Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Jealousy Underwear Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Top

Today, I got an inconvenient erection while at my girlfriends house, so I tried to think of something stupid to get rid of it. I tried thinking of Pokémon, which actually made me harder. FML

agreeclassic 30 304

vote type 1 12 197

Today, I spoke to my ex again for the first time after our breakup. The first words out of his mouth were, "I love you, so I'm going to have to confess some things in the hopes that my honesty will help us get back together." It didn't, but it does mean I have to get tested now. FML

agreeclassic 33 887

vote type 1 3 261

Today, when I wasn’t looking, my brother added 50 kilos to my barbell at the gym, which I obviously dropped right on my neck. I’m not sure what it’s called but the doc says I broke my Adam’s apple and that I'm lucky to be alive, since it could have broken my neck. FML

agreeclassic 1 351

vote type 1 108

Today, I was worried about passing an exam, so I hid a note under my skirt. When the guy next to me was finished, I had to get up so he could leave. With no time to hide the note, I stood in front of the entire class, hand over my crotch, looking as if I had to pee. FML

agreeclassic 8 662

vote type 1 71 711

Today, I broke my wrist when I got into a disagreement with a horse. FML

agreeclassic 22 173

vote type 1 11 277

Today, it's been a few days since I moved into a new apartment and was excited to finally have a balcony. I went out to enjoy the view, but as I leaned against the railing, it gave way and I fell two stories onto the pavement below. I ended up with a broken leg and a huge medical bill. FML

agreeclassic 1 106

vote type 1 115