Nearly FML

By Anonymous - 11/03/2016 19:07 - United States - Lawton

Today, my husband of 14 years told me he was secretly gay but wanted to stay married because of his parents. Fml

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By anon - 11/03/2016 19:01 - United States - Houston

Today, multiple home pregnancy tests and even my doctor confirm that I am in fact pregnant. Strange, because last time I checked, I was still a virgin. FML

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By Anon - 11/03/2016 18:45 - United States - Davenport

Today is my birthday. I have numerous stomach ulcers from stress and my friends told me to relax and that they would take care of everything. I am also a runner that has to stay in primal condition, so I don't eat cake. My friends got me a fruit cake. I can't eat it because of the ulcers. FML

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By JustAnotherBean - 11/03/2016 18:45 - United States - Lebanon

Today, after finishing my final exams my mother has pestered me about for the quarter; I went home to find that she had found the 650$ i was saving to go on a trip to disney with my choir. She gambled it all away, and I worked for months for that.FML

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By cruise or no cruise - 11/03/2016 18:35 - United States - Knoxville

Today, I started my period. It wouldn't be that bad if I wasn't going on a cruise for spring break. Fml

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By anonymous - 11/03/2016 18:26 - United States - Houston

Today, at work this guy was being annoying as fuck. So I threw something at him. I ended up dislocating my shoulder in the process. FML

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By effingcargods - 11/03/2016 18:14 - United States - Greenville

Today, the motor on my truck seized up, the transmission on my wife's truck went out, she got sent to the hospital ER last night with a viral infection, and we need 300$ for bills that we can't get from work because we can't get there. All on top of unaffordable car repairs. FML

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By Dante178 - 11/03/2016 18:10 - United States

Today, I looked for an hour to park for school, ended up parking over a mile away from school and began my long walk to class. I just got to the front of the school, there are now 3 wide open spaces, and it's starting to pour rain. Weathermen says it will rain all day. My umbrella is in my car. FML

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By Annonymous - 11/03/2016 18:09 - United Kingdom - Dagenham

Today, I was talking with my new girlfriend, when she saw a receipt for a purchase at a 'sex store'. She asked what I bought, and I told her I was just buying condoms..... She asked me why I would need condoms. FML

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By Cheezpop - 11/03/2016 17:29 - Norway - Trondheim

Today, after doing a group project all by myself, the thanks I got was "you should have called us". No one bothered to give me their number when I asked for it. FML

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By justadiver - 11/03/2016 17:28

Today, I asked my girlfriend if she wanted to become a serious relationship and she said yes. Later today I was texting my friends who are friends with her and they told me that she doesn't want a serious relationship because she doesn't want us to last.FML

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By Jnerdy97 - 11/03/2016 17:25 - United States - Beaumont

Today, my parents went through my sister's phone because she has been acting weird lately. I asked if they were going to look at my phone too. They both laughed and my mom said, "Baby, your phone is probably more boring than mine." FML

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By mrscarrillokc - 11/03/2016 17:23 - United States - Omaha

Today, after too many shots of tequilla last night, my stomach decided twenty minutes before my plane takeoff, that it would be a nice time to get explosive diarreah. My boyfriend saw me shart in my gate seat. Four more hours to go. Yay. FML.

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By China_Isn't_The_Only_Asian_Country - 11/03/2016 17:10 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, a new guy moved to my school. The first thing he says to me? "I think Chinese people are cool". I'm Filipino. FML

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By GingerSnap98 - 11/03/2016 16:52 - United States

Today, I thought this guy liked me. Turns out he likes my horse more. FML

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By Bawsack - 11/03/2016 16:36 - United Kingdom - Edinburgh

Today, I've spent a good part of my day off playing Star Wars Battlefront. I was in the middle of a killing spree with Luke when the overwhelming urge to pee. Obviously you can't pause an online game so I wet myself before the round finished. I'm a 29 year old woman. FML.

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By Always look - 11/03/2016 16:36 - United States - Charlotte

Today, I went to use the bathroom after my roommate. I guess assuming that all guys aim when peeing isn't smart... Neither is sitting on a piss covered toilet without looking. FML

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By lahutchins - 11/03/2016 16:08 - United States - Charlotte

Today, I went to surprise my wife at work, but she off today. Her friends however called and told her I came in. Not only did I waste gas driving an hour to get there, but now I'm in the doghouse for not listening her when she told me she was going to be off 2 weeks ago. FML

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By Liddell - 11/03/2016 16:00 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, I received my first University task's note. I did it one week before and corrected myself. My classmates did it on the due day. I received a note way below the average of the class: Apparently, my French wasn't good enough. My first language is French. My classmates are English speakers. FML

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By plaza249 - 11/03/2016 15:48 - United States - Costa Mesa

Today, I was riding my skateboard when a lady yelled at me to watch where I'm going. I turned around to tell her off when, I hit a fire hydrant. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/03/2016 15:43 - Malaysia - Kuala Lumpur

Today, I emailed the principal of the school I applied to a second question after two weeks. I get an email from the dean of the school telling me to go to another school because he is too busy to "pander to my whims." FML

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By Anonymous - 11/03/2016 15:16 - United States

Today, in class I had made cupcakes. well little did I know my teacher was allergic to cinnamon and I gave him one. he is now in the hospital FML

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By chrisbreastr0kr - 11/03/2016 14:36 - United States - Ladera Ranch

Today, I hopped on the Internet for a good fap after a hard day at work. Five minutes into it, and I realize the "surprise 3some" candidate in the porno is my broke, collegiate sister. FML

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By goober - 11/03/2016 14:32

Today, I had to go back to the ER for very bad stomach pains, thinking it was appendicitis I needed to get X-rays and such. Once we got the X-rays back the doctor came in and told me I was F.O.S I just paid over $800 for them to tell me that I'm constipated.

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By I'm horrible - 11/03/2016 14:17 - United States

Today, a man was loudly commentating all throughout the movie The Witch, I had assumed he was high so I yelled at him to "shut the fuck up you sound fucking retarded" well it turned out I yelled at an autistic man with his family. FML

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By 5_more_months - 11/03/2016 14:14 - United States - Providence

Today, my roommate, who used to be my best friend, told me I shouldn't state my opinion around him if I didn't want to be criticized. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/03/2016 14:13 - Norway - Narvik

Today, I met a guy at a bar who tried to convince me that we had a onenightstand a while back. I don't know if that was a really bad pick-up line, or if he was actually telling the truth. FML

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By rivimatt - 11/03/2016 14:04 - United States - Leesburg

Today, I found out that three friends of mine have been meeting without me for the sole purpose of discussing why they don't want me with them on the trip to Alaska we've been planning. FML

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By Becca34 - 11/03/2016 13:23 - Canada - Nepean

Today, after visiting my dad for the weekend, I got on a train and went home. Getting off at my stop, I slipped on ice and fell with my foot underneath me and heard a huge crack. I broke two bones and had to have surgery. FML.

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By grandhighboob - 11/03/2016 13:11 - United States - Nashville

Today, I got home from an after school rehearsal and went to my parents room to let them know I was home. About an hour before my mom said to just stick my head in since the door was closed to keep the cat out so I did only to find my parents having sex. FML

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Today, I told my boyfriend that I didn't know what I was going to do over the Christmas holidays since he was going to be out of the country. He suggested that I work out and do some sit-ups. FML

agreeclassic 27 544

vote type 1 8 559

Today, my wife’s business has failed in its first year. She blames the government, despite me telling her no one is going to work for her when she only offers minimum wage, one week unpaid vacation, two months maternity and one week paternity, no overtime rates, and a pay-to-use staff car park. FML

agreeclassic 1 366

vote type 1 179

Today, I helped a "blind" man across the street. He kindly said thank you and patted me on the back. Then, I went into a store and realized my wallet was missing. FML

agreeclassic 29 942

vote type 1 3 346

Today, in the very middle of the night, my kitten started rubbing against my face. Thinking I saw her face in the darkness, I decided to kiss her before going back to bed. My lips made contact with her butthole. FML

agreeclassic 52 292

vote type 1 19 011

Today, I've been requesting to use my days off for months, but my boss would turn it down because of emergencies that required my presence (90% of the time it didn’t). Now it’s the end of year and he yelled at me for not using my days off, because it made him look bad to corporate. Asshole. FML

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Today, I walked into what I thought was my doctor’s new office building for my appointment. I sat down, only to realize five minutes later that I was sitting in a small conference room where they were holding a staff meeting, and not the waiting room I thought it was. I had to wait for the doctor's receptionist to come get me. FML

agreeclassic 159

vote type 1 407