Nearly FMLs

By Anonymous - 04/04/2016 13:18 - United States - West Tehama County

Today I picked up my sister's ashes from the funeral home and had a beautiful ceremony at sea. As soon as the boat returned to land, I received a call from a woman asking which slip they're bringing the ashes to for the ceremony. I don't know who we spread. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By whatisthis - 04/04/2016 12:16 - Austria - Vienna

Today, just hearing my dad be around the house stresses me out to the point of my chest clenching involuntarily. After an entire weekend of this, I thought I'd get a break today since he has to work. Turns out he has a free day today. Moving out is not an option right now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By greene1326 - 04/04/2016 11:43 - Canada - Brantford

Today, I work as a waitress, this pervy teen kept starring at my chest, when I went to my boss to complain about it he told me to show more because "it's good for business" FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By jackler92 - 04/04/2016 11:34 - United States - Minneapolis

Today,I let rip the biggest, loudest, most glorious fart I have ever heard. Too bad it was in the middle of me proposing.FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By mashy - 04/04/2016 11:24 - New Zealand - Tauranga

Today, I watched my stoned step dad try for ten minutes to plug his phone charger into the TV remote, he threw it at my head for laughing my ass off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By DentedBumper - 04/04/2016 10:35 - Canada - Paradise

Today, I asked my boyfriend to move the neighbor's garbage can so it wouldn't hit my car in the high winds. This only caused it to roll down the driveway and hit my car at a higher velocity. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By paulbrec - 04/04/2016 10:14 - Canada - Waterloo

Today at work, a song came on the radio over the PA that I liked. I cranked it, and blew the speakers in the elevator. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By HairyWife - 04/04/2016 10:12 - South Africa - Johannesburg

Today my husband bought one of those dog hair removal rollers. We don't own a dog. I just have long, thick hair and the medication I'm currently on is making it fall out. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By unlucky guy - 04/04/2016 09:44 - United States - Hialeah

Today, I was talking to my crush and somehow we got to talking about birthdays. I found out hers was February 10th so I replied, "Oh so it's right around V-Day?" meaning Valentines Day. She thought I meant her period. She won't talk to me anymore because she things I'm a creep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By kre8iv - 04/04/2016 09:03 - Israel

Today, my dad finally fixed my iPhone screen. Today is also the day that my phone was stolen. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By bringmethesmiles - 04/04/2016 08:44 - Norway

Today, I was having an important oral exam. During the exam I said the word "constipation" instead of "constitution". FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 2

By Gem - 04/04/2016 08:38 - Australia - Ipswich

Today a guy I like tried to make a move on me, I wasn't looking and was staring in the distance... He went to hold my hand, then I scream and slapped his hand away because I thought it was a spider... FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By TrustMeImADick - 04/04/2016 07:29 - United States - Sevierville

Today, I I locked myself in the bathroom. My girlfriend told me to change the doorknob, but I didn't really listen. She stood at the door and laughed. I had to climb out the window to get back around but she locked every other way out and I couldn't climb back up to the window. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 2

By Anonymous - 04/04/2016 06:48 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, after two years of living abroad, I realized that my standard of living was much better in my third world home country than in the land of freedom. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 04/04/2016 06:23 - United States - Warrensburg

Today, I reached my limit with my new neighbor. I've been alternating between yelling for him to turn the tv down and blasting my own music to cover what sounds like explosions coming from our shared wall.. It's 2:30 am and I've got class at 9.. I miss the arguments my old neighbors had... FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By veryconfused1987 - 04/04/2016 06:06 - United States - Kennett

Today, I was went to a phone store by myself. I decided not to buy anything, but was stopped by security. They searched my bag and found over $3000 worth of iPhones, but I have no idea how they got there. A customer said he saw me stealing, but there was no video proof. They believed him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By Therid - 04/04/2016 05:49 - Denmark - Aarhus

Today, I got a message saying that my school has lost my passport. I am going on a trip to Malta in 6 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 04/04/2016 05:38 - United States - Tulsa

Today I finally told my girlfriend of six years that I was going to be the man in the relationship because as a women she should be more concerned about meeting my needs and submitting, as it's only right. She slapped me so hard it broke my nose, kneed me in the balls and broke up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 5

By You have got to be kidding - 04/04/2016 05:35 - United States - Schaumburg

Today, I found out I have an ear infection.. On top of the respiratory & lung infection that I already had. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By loltrain1 - 04/04/2016 05:34 - United States - Grand Prairie

Today i bought a monthly pay package to watch wrestlemania streamed live only to find out i was working. so i thought to have my brother record it for me, got home turns out he didn't. I spent the money for the online package and to upgrade the internet and still no wrestlemania. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By em_kidds - 04/04/2016 05:26 - United States - Rocklin

Today, I found out that my ex was cheating on me with not 1, but 6 other girls, one of which is my best friend ,fml

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 2

By em_kidds - 04/04/2016 05:15 - United States - Rocklin

Today, I was cuddling my dog when I smelt something horrible turns out his anal glands exploded all over me, fml

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By Someone1111 - 04/04/2016 05:13 - United Arab Emirates - Dubai

Today, my girlfriend decided to break up with me all because I didn't choose Taylor Swift as my favourite singer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By lilrobin87 - 04/04/2016 05:12 - Canada - Summerside

Today, I was introducing my little niece to my guinea pigs. they've never bit anyone before so I didn't even consider it being a problem. The bite marks on my thumbs and my niece being traumatized says otherwise... FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 04/04/2016 04:59 - United States - Dandridge

Today, my parents got into a huge door slamming, yelling argument. The cause? My 21 year old brother wanted to try moonshine for the first time at a distillery. My mom let him but my step dad didn't approve. I had to listen to them argue for well over a few hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 04/04/2016 04:57 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I found out my husband cheated. He came home drunk and I confronted him, he's passed out on the floor and now I'm going to have to kick him out all over again in the morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By Sad Orgasm - 04/04/2016 04:55 - United States - Evanston

Today, a girl saw me orgasm for the first time. Too bad it was my roommates girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 1

By boning seat mates - 04/04/2016 04:42 - United States - Columbus

Today, I was on a bus to a sorority's formal and I was split from my date and had to squeeze and sit next to a random couple. I was talking to my date and some friends in the aisle when about halfway through the 15 minute bus ride I feel something a look back at the couple. They were fucking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By esoom73 - 04/04/2016 04:41 - United States - Jeffersonville

Today, after driving 12 hours home from vacation without a single mishap I destroyed my front bumper and knocked my tires out of alignment on the 20 minute drive home from lunch with a friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By warrior1995 - 04/04/2016 04:39 - Canada - London

Today, the basement of the house I've been living in for seven months had gotten a leak. My landlord came by to look at it and when my roommates and I were talking to him he stopped mid conversation to ask me "do you live here?" When I told him I do all he said back was "oh, right on man!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

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The Top

Today, I was taking the SAT and feeling really confident in my answers. When we were close to finishing, some idiot pulled the fire alarm. All of us have to retake it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 672

You deserved it 231

Today, my boyfriend sits in an empty apartment, complaining about it being a rat hole. HE picked the place, HE refuses my help to decorate, as well as my offer to get his stuff from the old place, and yes, he could totally afford something better. But sure, his life is shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 687

You deserved it 194

Today, I woke up to my boyfriend trying to initiate sex with me in my sleep. He confessed to thinking that if he did it lightly enough, I'd think I was just dreaming. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 067

You deserved it 4 509

Today, I went to my boyfriend's house to meet his parents. They informed me they were lawyers throughout the meal, which explained the gorgeous house. My boyfriend excitedly told them I was promoted manager at my job. They asked where I work. I work at Burger King. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 615

You deserved it 8 733

Today, it was my first day on duty as a rookie cop. Everything was going great, and even the veterans on the force were warming up to me. That is until my mother came into the station carrying a brown bag for my lunch. Written on the bag was, "Lunch for my big boy. I love you, pumpkin." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 061

You deserved it 6 356

Today, I was sleeping in my room when I awoke to an unfamiliar female voice in my apartment, followed by a thud. I walked out to find a drunk girl I've never met collapsed in my doorway. After puking all over the place, she had me call her father, who picked her up 10 minutes later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 487

You deserved it 3 177